KRIS ...

you need to incorporate some color into your wardrobe dammit!!!













YOU LOOK LIKE A VAMPIRE. And while you're at it, lighten up the hair ... it looks like you color it with shoe polish.

and p.s. ... doesn't Bruce look like he's made of wax?

A DANGEROUS METHOD

Well, I finally saw it! Went to the movie last night with Laura and Paulina and settled in for a real grown up film with intelligent dialogue. The film is visually beautiful and takes place during the early 1900's, one of my favorite periods. This is a film for the real movie aficionado. Not a blockbuster ride of a film that requires 3D glasses. It was thoughtful and provocative. Michael Fassbender played a very contained Carl Jung and I can tell you one thing, this guy is going to be a BIG, BIG STAR. I thought Keira Knightly overplayed it a bit in the beginning, but once she settled down did an effective job of portraying Sabina. Viggo, as always, was perfection. He could read from the telephone book and I'd deem it Oscar worthy. To all of you out there who enjoy a movie experience that engages, teaches, and makes you think, it's a must see. I give it a Solid A.


After the movie we went to grab a bite, a few martinis and enjoyed a gabfest ... my favorite thing to do. A real girls night. I don't get to do these very often now because I am UNEMPLOYED but my loving friend Laura, picked up the tab for the eats, so thank you Laura. Every girl needs a bunch of good girlfriends to get through difficult times and I have been very blessed to have such loving and caring friends.

To everyone who reads my blog, I thank you for coming by and visiting. I hope my little stories and rants make you laugh or make you feel normal, whichever you need. We all need to relate to one another because life can be cruel sometimes and the things we are able to share, whether joy or pain, are the things that unite us. I hope I can touch you in some way and I pray you all had a wonderful Christmas. I wish each and every one of you a safe and happy New Year and pray 2012 brings you all that you need .... health, family, friends, and work. GOD BLESS YOU ALL!

UNEMPLOYMENT - WEEK 6

I got up at 10:00 am. Trixie was barking so much I had no choice. I went downstairs, made coffee, sat on the couch and watched the “Twilight” movie. After that I watched an hour of cartoons. I feel like a slug. Took a shower, dried my hair, painted on some eyebrows. Contemplated going to the market. Nah. It’s already 2:30. I don’t wanna go outside. I do some laundry. Check my email. Nothing but junk. No one calls me or emails me and I feel very out of touch. I did however receive my unemployment debit card today. Yeah. Debit card … issued by Bank of America. BofA. You know, one of those institutions that all of us hardworking tax payers helped to bail out a few years ago? Yeah, them. Something is amiss in River City. Let’s pause a moment shall we … unemployment benefits are taken out of everyone’s pay for the sole purpose of tiding one over during a period of unemployment. How the hell does an institution like Bank of America get involved in this? I get my allotted $450 just by swiping my unemployment debit card where my unemployment funds are kept in a Bank of America account (?!?!?!?!??!) whenever I make a purchase for say food or toilet paper … what does BofA get out of this? I can’t imagine an institution of that size with that kind of power and influence (and criminality) not getting something. It wouldn’t surprise me at all if every time I swipe those bastards make $5.00. I mean after all, remember when the Occupy Wall Street people and the rest of America got pissed when Bank of America was going to start charging $5.00/month per swipe? The people said "No Way Jose to You Bank of America" then BING, BOOM, BANG, BofA decides not to implement that $5.00 a swipe after all. I'll bet you a bad case of Syphyllis that those bastards maneuvered a deal with the Fed so they could “recover” those “lost fees” … Just puttin’a bug in your ears.

Assholes. Imona write my Senator right now!!!

SLIPPIN' INTO DARKNESS ..

Yesterday I had an entire can of Pillsbury cinnamon rolls. I stuck them in the oven, made coffee, waited until they were done, iced them, and then immediately shoved five of them down my mouth while watching the Wendy Williams show. I cannot even explain the warm, chewy, sweetness that filled my mouth ... I could compare it to a sexual release but that somehow seems inappropriate. There were a total of eight rolls. I had five. Rested, then had one more. Later that evening, after dinner when my husband lies on the couch and doesn't know I exist, I took the remaining two out of the microwave where I'd hidden behind two loaves of bread under a napkin and lovingly, and discreetly, enjoyed the last two. Did I feel guilty? No. Not one bit. I went upstairs, got comfy on my bed and proceeded to watch The Housewives of Beverly Hills. Life is good.

VIGGO FANTASY NO. 39:

So, let's pick up where we left off shall we. Me knocked out in Viggo's living room, dog yapping and I have no memory.

Recap:

Viggo thinking ... "I had the craziest dream ...
about a little dog who ran up to me while I was in my yard and started barking and pulling at my pant leg. Then, all of a sudden, the little dog ran across the street, and there, lying on the pavement, was a lady, knocked out cold. So I took her in and she's been living with me ever since ????"

THE INSANITY CONTINUES ...

CONGRATULATIONS MY LOVE!!!!!

VIGGO MORTENSEN NOMINATED FOR A GOLDEN GLOBE FOR BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR IN A DANGEROUS METHOD!!!

Let's send him all our positive energy!

(... yes honey, I'd love to go to the award ceremony with you!)

OCCUPY WALL STREET

My husband and I have an ongoing "discussion" regarding this economic crises we are in. He insists nothing will improve because we now live in a global economy and corporations have taken over. The jobs that have gone to China are never coming back. Period. My argument is that if enough people get pissed off, things can change. Well,it appears the people are pissed and have now started the Occupy movement which is growing and evolving and hopefully will actually morph into something positive and bring about the change we need. Getting the money out of politics. Which leads me to the following:

In October Danny and I took a wonderful vacation to the east coast. I am a huge history buff and have always wanted to see Boston, Maine, Rhode Island, Vermont and New Hampshire. All of New England is amazingly beautiful. Of all the amazing places we visited Newport, Rhode Island stood out to me. Many have said that times we are living in today are comparable to the time of the Gilded Age ... when the robber barons ruled. The Vanderbilts, the Astors, the uber wealthy of the time. This is how they lived.

The Breakers, the Vanderbilt's summer "cottage" ...

Palaces so opulent and beautiful, dripping in gold and crystal, filled with artwork, sculptures, walls covered in silk with views of the coast so breathtaking it filled me with awe. THE WEALTH ... amazing. Every mansion we saw had spiral staircases hidden away within the bones of house that allowed the servants to move about without being seen. Laundry was done all day long, sheets were changed TWICE a day. They maintained huge staffs of 30 to 40 people. Maids, butlers, cooks, etc.

The ladies of the time bathed and changed constantly. There were morning outfits, luncheon outfits, riding outfits, afternoon outfits, evening outfits. It must have been exhausting being a lady of leisure. All I kept thinking to myself was that those women never walked around in a moo-moo with their junk hanging out. They were the Kardashians of their day. Showy, pretentious and desperately trying to outdo each other with their excess. People who never folded an article clothing or cleaned a toilet. The privilege they enjoyed is unimaginable. Can you imagine never folding a sweater? The marble tubs in their lavish bathrooms had to be filled and drained of hot water several times in order to warm the marble enough before someone's gilded ass could slide into the tub.

The staircase of Marble House. It is hard to appreciate the grandeur of these homes by looking at a photograph. At the top of this staircase on either side of the landing were two beautiful yet small living room/offices. The one of the left was that of Mr. Vanderbilt and the one on the right was that of Mrs. Alva Vanderbilt. It was a little jewel box of a room with a beautiful petite marble fireplace, a sofa in beautiful soft pinks of brocade and satin. There was a desk, gorgeous chandeliers and rich satin fabrics. This was where she would conduct the business of running her home and get away to read or be alone. What is shocking is that these homes were only used for approximately six weeks a year during the season when the super wealthy would gather to attend balls so glittering and over the top they were the talk of the day.

After spending the entire day touring three of these magnificent palaces I felt a little depressed. The pains of life come to all of us it's true; death, heartache and loss but the lives that these folks enjoyed were beyond fabulous. Cake AND frosting. No one calls you into their office and says we're sorry but we're eliminating your position ... Can you imagine what life would be like if your feelings of safety and security were never threatened? A life where no one ever says "NO" to you EVER?! All I could think was WOW ... WHAT A LIFE.

...and I hope that they are all now working for some corporation in the bowels of hell ... for eternity. (But only the mean ones).

MORE REASONS TO LOVE HIM ...

Doing press to promote his new movie "A Dangerous Method", I copied an excerpt of my Viggo's recent interview in the New York Times Magazine.

Looking less like his "Dangerous Method" character, Sigmund Freud, and more like his usual, Adonis-esque self, Viggo Mortensen covered Sunday's New York Times Style Magazine, where he spoke candidly about his grudge-holding habits when it comes to actors misbehaving on set. "Yeah, well, about that stuff, I am harsh," he says. "There’s no excuse for that behavior.

You’re tired? Come on! The crew isn’t tired? The crew who got here two hours before you, and who’ll be here two hours after you leave and who are being paid, in many cases, one thousandth of what you’re being paid? Come on! I always thought treating people well was probably the most important thing, but now I’m convinced. Life is too short to work with idiots — well, not idiots, but people who are rude and selfish."

I love him.

... you think he needs a secretary?

JENNIFER

She's 42.
He's 24.

He looks like a horny little 14 year old.

Jennifer, word to the wise ... this is a drive by .... I'm just sayin'.

BTW ....

It has been several weeks now that we've not seen head nor tail (aka GIGANTIC, HUMONGOUS ass) of Kimmie Kardashian ... and the world has continued to function ... and my blood pressure has gone down.

MORE ADVENTURES IN "DANNYLAND"

So, guess who went on a bike ride, swallowed a bee and got stung in the throat?

Yup. Danny.

So I tell him, you better go to the doctor right away. You could be having an allergic reaction. That thing could swell your throat up and you could suffocate and die! This is serious Dan. Let's go to urgent care right now!

Dan: Nah. I'm okay.

Me: WHY ARE YOU SO DAMN STUBBORN?! GAWD DANNY this could be very serious.

Dan: If I was gonna die I would have died already.

Me: UGHHHH!

Fast forward to 10:00 pm. The man has a raging fever and headache. For this he takes ONE Advil (because God forbid, he doesn't wanna hallucinate or anything). So he's feeling like crap, but goes to work the next day and suffers. FINALLY, gets to the doctor two days later because now that his limbs are turning black and his fingers are beginning to fall off he's concerned ... (that's sarcasm) and the doctor tells him ... are you ready?

Doc: You obviously had an allergic reaction to the bee venom. You're lucky
your throat didn't swell up which could cause you to suffocate and die. (OK OK NOT EXACTLY BUT YOU GET THE GIST).

Married 15 frickin years and the man never, EVER takes my word for ANYTHING!

OK OK, I GIVE ...

I'll be 55 on my next birthday ... middle aged for sure if I live to be 110. Yesterday I went shopping to try to find an outfit for a wedding I'll be attending. I went to Nordstrom where I always go when I want something "special" but where now, it seems, EVERYTHING is too small ... no matter what size it is. After trying on a multitude of lovely blouses, dresses and tops with no success, I finally sucked it up and wandered over to the "fat lady" department. The gal there looked at me as if I had three heads ... I explained to her that I was much bigger than I look (it's true). She convinced me that everything in that department would be too big for me. Sadly, I'm somewhere between the fat lady department and the XL in the regular departments ... so, after spending $60 on Dior makeup so I wouldn't feel completely suicidal, I went home.

On the drive home I began mentally going through my closet to figure out what I could wear to the wedding. I immediately decided on my usual "uniform" ... black pants, a leopard print top that I would cover with a black jacket. The dress of most middle-aged ladies. Black, black and more black. *Sigh*. BUT, it is what it is. I give-up. I do ... realizing that I'm invisible anyway ... which is also typical of most middle-aged ladies, unless you're Sharon Stone.

I reflected on that shopping experience and on all the young girls shopping and noted that almost every single one of them was carrying a Coach or Louis Vuitton bag. Do you know how expensive those bags are? I couldn't tell if the bags were the real thing of knock offs ... but, considering that Louis Vuitton bags actually come with "papers" like a pedigreed dog, I was certain that if these gals could carry their bags and exhibit the papers proving their authenticity, they would. I don't mean to sound like a hater, but it was disheartening and I can't stand pretension.

I do miss being young and being able to wear anything I want. I miss buying sexy shoes and being able to wear heavy eyeliner and purple eyeshadow and not look like a crazy homeless woman. I miss the days of enjoying a day of shopping and being able to get anything I wanted. *Sigh* ... but alas, it is life. Once upon a time, a long time ago, I was the young, thin girl who turned heads. But no more ... my time has passed ... it is their time now.

So I give in. You win Father Time.

And I'm okay. A few words of wisdom to you young ones out there ... enjoy it ladies ... it'll go by faster than you think.

THEN ...













NOW ...

NOW THIS IS WHAT A BRIDE SHOULD LOOK LIKE DAMMIT!

Susan Sarandon's daughter, Eva Amurri was married a few weeks ago. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE her gown. No tits hanging out, not the same ole strapless mermaid/ball gown everyone and their sister has worn for the last 10 years ... are you listening Kim?

She's beautiful, lovely, bride like. I LOVE IT.

And as long as we're on the subject of tasteful brides check out Ivanka Trumps wedding gown ... beautiful as well.

STUFF ... PET PEEVES AND KIMMIE KARDASHIAN

A phrase that has always irked me: I'm a survivor. What the hell does that mean? Like if you get cancer (God forbid) and you get over it then, yeah ... you're a survivor. But what if you don't survive? Does that mean you're a loser because you didn't survive? How can anyone make a statement like that when life is so random and uncertain? We're all surviving something. YOU'RE NOT A SURVIVOR YOU IDIOT ... YOU'RE JUST GOING THROUGH LIFE.

Next ...

PET PEEVES:

People who say “CONVERSATING" instead of "CONVERSING".

People who say they’re “CAREER ORIENTATED” instead of “CAREER ORIENTED”. It's orien-TED NOT orien-TA-ted. Ugh.

People who say “SUPPOSEBLY” instead of “SUPPOSEDLY.” Morons.

People who say “NUKECULAR” instead of “NUCLEAR” (George Bush).

People who over use the word “BASICALLY” … basically, they use basically too much because they basically can’t communicate. Basically. Oy.

Next ...

OK ... I really did try to resist the urge to blog about Kim Kardashian, I really did because I am as uttely disgusted with the Kardashian Klan as the rest of America but I feel I have an obligation to report/judge/critique and advise and I have a message for Kimmie – I TOLD YOU SO.

Now Kim, if you really want to win back the public this is what you need to do:

1. Show some integrity and return the ring.

2. Show some more integrity and return all the gifts.

3. The millions you made from advertisers, etc., should be returned and distributed to all those viewers you duped into watching your $10 million dollar "fairytale fantasy wedding" while the rest of America is jobless and in dire straits you narcissistic tramp. Thank you.

4. Commit to at least three years of serious therapy. Seriously.

5. In the future date MEN. Not puppies. Say 38 to 43 yrs.

6. Do NOT listen to your mother.

7. Get a spiritual practice going and PRACTICE IT.

Everyone on earth has had to eat humble pie at one time or another ... even fame whores.

And that's all I have to say about that.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY VIGGO!!!!

OMG. I'm late with this post! I was travelling through New England last week and missed my boyfriend's birthday and I'm horrified. But, better late than never. I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU, I LOVE YOU and I hope you had a beautiful, wonderfu, super happy birthday! With love and kisses, Moi ... XOXO






"‘It’s over,’ Mortensen joked of his relationship with Cronenberg. ‘This film was the last straw.’"

National Post, September 2011

"And Viggo Mortensen — he is the most beautiful man in the world! He is! He’s just like, WOW! He’s such a special dude." Michael Fassbender



"Viggo is terrifying. He sends you a handwritten letter, all decorated and painted, and when he arrives at your house for dinner he’s an intolerable guy: he cleans the fish and picks up the dishes. My wife is fascinated, and she compares the two of us. Damn, what’s a guy supposed to do? The bar is set very high."

Agustín Díaz Yanes, director of Alatriste

"Viggo’s cheap, he’s available and he’s obedient! And he’s got a great chin."

David Cronenberg

"I was having a Viggo moment - getting people to check out the moon, and Viggo suggested trying to cross the river. I’m like ‘Fuck off,’ and he says ‘Come on.’ So there we were, barefoot, waist-high in water, walking on these little rocks to get to the other side and I’m doing it because I’m an idiot and I’m following his lead. Because he’s an idiot. And because he’s amazing. I can’t believe how much this is going to make it sound like I’m in love with the guy."

Orlando Bloom remembering a night excursion with Viggo in the New Zealand wild (Empire magazine)

Everyone talks about how much integrity he has and how brilliant he is. And it’s true. He’s also completely insane."

Elijah Wood

"If I can get a day to myself, I won’t answer the phone, I’ll read or go for a walk. Simple, basic things. People think there’s always time to do that but there isn’t. Life is short."

-- Viggo

"[Viggo] kept a lot of his poetry inside his refrigerator, which endeared him to me forever."

Exene Cervenka (Viggo’s ex-wife)

Happy Birthday Viggo from your most devoted and loving girlfriend/fan/fellow traveler.
Why don't you come and see me in the ether sometime? XOXOXO Forever Your Girl

MOI!

VIGGO AND DEBBIE CELEBRITY LOVE MATCH

I put in my birthdate and Viggo's and look! ... even the stars say we're meant to be together.

Your compatibility

This is the compatibility between you and Viggo Mortensen based on biorhythms. You can also browse for another celebrity or view your best matches.

physical		96%
emotional		94%
intellectual		72%
total		88%

Note the physical compatibility - 96%!!!!! (YOWZA)

Emotional 94%!!!!!

Intellectual 72% (cause he's probably smarter than me and can teach me things)

OVERALL: 88%

Come on Viggo ... There's no denying destiny ...










YOU WANT ME. YOU KNOW YOU DO.

I FINALLY MADE THE CONNECTION!

Anne Coulter.

Colt.

Horse.

Horsey face.

Skinny horse legs. YES!