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Showing posts from July, 2012


He was gone.  I sat on the grass under that beautiful tree where only seconds ago I was in his arms ... I could still feel the warmth of his embrace.  Tears fell unbidden and I sat with my pain for what seemed like hours.  Drained of emotion I felt present and awake, but exhausted at the same time.  It was a feeling that was accompanied by the certainty that I had done the right thing and I was at peace with it, even though I was devastated at the outcome.  He knew how strange the ether was, he said so all the time.  But in his defense, I can understand how what I said threw him.  It WAS crazy.  Anyone would be bowled over by such a tale.  

I had to give him time.  

Then I would try to get back to the ether.  I didn't know if I could still do it.  The truth had changed everything and I still wasn't sure how all of this worked.  How I wish I could erase it all and start over. 
Questions bombarded me.  Had the spell been broken? Could I still manifest myself now that he was aware?…


He was quiet for a long time.  

I could almost see his brain ticking away one thought after another trying to make sense of what I'd just said, recalling the many "coincidences" of our odd relationship and trying to put the pieces together.  Comparing one meeting to the next, the timing of each encounter ... the fact that whenever he was at the library, I was at the library ... thinking, pondering, questioning ... the facts vs. the insanity of it all.  As I watched him weigh all of it I felt deep remorse for what I had so selfishly done out of love. 

He was understandably confused.  

"How?"  he asked me just above a whisper.

"I wanted you."  I said barely above a whisper myself.  

"You wanted me?"  There was a bite in his words.  

"Yes."  I felt so stupid.  "I'm so sorry.  I never meant to hurt you.  That is the last thing I would ever want to do.  Please believe me."

He was quiet.  I panicked.  I began talking, rambling,…


Heather (the Yummy Tummy chick) seriously needs a nose job.  She should come up with a yummy tummy type contraption for that schnozzola of hers. It's almost as big as her head! ... you could paint eyes, a nose and a mouth on that thing and it would be another face on her face.  (The only reason I mention it is that she is uber rich and must have major connections to the top plastic surgeons in NYC.  If I were her I would have fixed that honker years ago!) 
Ramona has lost her mind.  Enough said.
Aviva has more phobias than a petri dish.  She's afraid of EVERYTHING.  She's afraid of flying,she's afraid of elevators, she's afraid of being afraid and she irritates the crap outta me.

Luanne (the Countess) is trying to get knocked up.  HON, YOU'RE FORTY-SEVEN.  You probably only have about 7 eggs left.  Oy.  Also, she's very competitive with new housewife Carol, who just happens to be a REAL Princess and is very well connected.  She was married to Anthony Radziwe…


Finally, I managed to stop crying.  He looked at me.  His face etched with apprehension and doubt.  I took a deep breath.  I took his hand and led him to a nice spot under the shade of a beautiful tree.  I looked at him knowing that he had no idea what I was about to tell him and how strange my tale would sound.  I felt nothing but empathy for him and embarrassment and sorrow for myself.  
"What I am going to tell you is going to be almost impossible to comprehend but you have to believe me."   
"Debbie, ..." he said with concern but I cut him off.
"Viggo, please let me say what I have to say or I'll never forgive myself."
"Okay, ... what's going on?" 
I steeled myself and began. 
"Remember the first time I saw you in the library?"
"Of course I remember" he said.
"I made that happen."
"We both made it happen" he said as he smiled and took my hands in his.  
"No Viggo, you don't understand.  I MA…


Well .... I had another Ambien induced eating frenzy last night.  I woke up this morning to an empty pint of Baskin Robbins chocolate ice-cream and chocolate stains all over my pillow. "Oh no", I thought as I tried to remember eating the ice-cream.  I vaguely remember scraping the empty pint for more ice-cream but none was to be found.  I immediately threw the evidence away because my husband will give me no end of shit about it.  After that I went to brush my teeth and saw chocolate ice-cream caked all over my face.  Jeez.


Still in his arms, my thoughts were reeling.  I could feel our energies fusing and blending together strengthening our bond and helping us move onto the next plateau of love in the ether ... love in the ether ....LOVE IN THE ETHER!

I had to tell him.  I’d manifested myself into the ether to be with him, and though my feelings of love for him had always been real and true, I now had to wonder whether his feelings for me were real and true as well, or were they merely manipulated by my playing with space and time.  I had cast this spell and now I had to come clean and let the cards fall where they may.  He deserved the truth ... I had to let him know so he could make the choice on his own to either stay with me or to leave me.  The bitter truth of reality had tragically crashed into my dreams. 
While still in his embrace I silently began to cry.  I felt so embarrassed and desperate.  He'd never understand.  He'd feel used, played with.  Maybe it would be better if I just disappea…


Still reveling in his words I was beyond ecstatic.  Up until this moment I was happy just to exist in the non-time of our relationship, but this new revelation ... this spontaneous proposal thrilled me to no end and yet it changed everything.  The skip in time that had pushed us forward had uncovered a truth which had been deep in my subconscious, and now realized, would cause me untold pain.  That truth was that I was the force behind this entire charade!  It had come to me in a flash and I knew without a doubt that I had the power to manipulate the ether!  I had had the power to find him all along and with this ability ... I drew him to me!  As far as I could tell, he had no say in the matter, which made it all the more wrong.  My innate honesty would not let me keep this secret from him.  I knew I needed to tell him the truth even though I had only just realized it myself ... like a half remembered dream.   But how do I begin?  Do I confess it all?  And if I did, would he find me…

GOD ALMIGHTY I just had to get this off my chest or I'll grow a tumor ...

The other night I watched a program called "10 Things that Make Me Happy" where I listened to Kyle Richards of the Beverly Hills Housewives go on and on and ON about the shit that makes her happy.   
1.  Her 25 Chanel bags (that vary in price from a few thousand dollars to THOUSANDS AND THOUSANDS of dollars (and I quote);
2.  Her 16 chandeliers.  Especially the one in her closet ... which helps her find her 25 CHANEL BAGS;
3.  Her 10 carat diamond ring which is considered BIG even in Beverly Hills and she wears it ALL THE  TIME even when she's riding her $8,500 specially made bicycle or whenever she attends a black tie dinner;
4.  Her house.  It's has 7 bedrooms and 8 bathrooms and she loves it because she never wanted a BIG house.  
I know that is only 1 through 4 but if I listed 5 through 10 I'll vomit all over my keyboard.  I swear.  I actually feel sick. 
NOW ... let me tell you what would make ME HAPPY ... 

Signed, Ima Big Fat Hater

(and please, no…