2018 Emmys Best and Worst ...

OK.  First of all, why the hell did they broadcast this on a Monday?  No pre-show?  No red carpet?  Everyone is still at work!  Stupid, stupid idea.

Whatever ... let's get started.

Sarah Silverman.  Pretty dress but it adds weight to her.  Grade:  C-

Penelope Cruz.  LOVE HER!  Gorgeous!  Always brings it!  Grade:  A

p.s.  Almost EVERYONE wore white on the red carpet.

=

My BFF Allison Janey.  LOVE HER!  Saw her live and in person at a local restaurant in PICO RIVERA!  Yeah!  And she graciously took a picture with me and my BFF Laura.  LOVE HER!  GRADE:  A

Beautiful ball gown.  Looks like a starry, starry night.   Grade:  A

I'm not feeling this gown and Christy Tiegen is quickly replacing Heidi Klum by being EVERYWHERE ALL THE TIME and all she did was marry John Legend.  Grade:  F

Claire Foy looking quite beautiful but one of her chanclas is missing its sparklies.  Grade:  A-

Elizabeth Moss.  Uh .... you're at the Emmy's .... not a wedding.  Shoes do not match.  Dress leaves much to be desired.  Hair is blah.  You're very pretty.  But your look isn't.  Grade:  D

Evan Rachel Wood.  Incredibly chic!  She always brings it.  Makeup - beautiful!  Grade:  A+

Heidi Fuckin' Klum.  Shows up to anything.  She annoys the shit outta me.  Grade:  F-

Don't know who she is (sorry), but I'm loving this beautiful, ethereal blue with pants and chiffon panels.  Grade:  A

 Jessica Biel looking quite lovely in white.  Grade:  A

I think her hair and makeup are beautiful.  This color looks beautiful on her.  Not my favorite dress, but on her it works.  Grade:  A

Kate McKinnon.  I gotta be honest, the dress is ok, but her hair and makeup look a little trashy?  Agree?  Grade:  B-

Kerri Russell .... beautiful woman.  I once saw her downtown when she was on Felicity and she looked like a 12 year old.  Very pretty, very petite.  I love this but I wish it was a gown.  Not feeling the peek-a-boo legs.  Grade:  A

Kristin Bell looking PERFECT.  Gorgeous in white. Grade:  A+

Kristin Cavalleri.  I am not a fan of long / short look.  Make it one or the other!  This should have been long.  The hair?  Looks like a spider's nest.  HATE IT.  Grade:  C-

Laura Dern in Industrial Chic ... Grade:  D-

I loved this look.  Don't know who she is but she's getting a B because I didn't like the earrings.



Mandy Moore.  Love her, hate the dress.  It makes her look lumpy and the color is AWFUL.  Grade D-



Maya Rudolf.  Funny lady in a funny dress.  Sorry. This looks like something she found in her grandmother's attic.  Grade: F-

Nancy O'Dell.  Hon ... aren't you like in your 50's now?  Time to stop looking like a pageant contestant.  Grade:  D

 Don't know who she is but she sure is pretty!  Love this look!  Grade:  A

Very pretty in red.  Love the hair/makeup/jewels.  Perfect!  Grade:  A



Damn I forget her name.  But it doesn't matter because this is a big, fat NO.  Grade: F

 A very chic gown for sure, but hon .... ever heard of dry shampoo?  Grade: C-



Sandra Oh.  LOVE this look.  She is really fantastic.  I saw the series she was nominated for "Killing Eve" .... AMAZING!  If you haven't seen it, you should.  It's really funny, and intense at the sametime.  Grade:  B

Sarah Paulson looking tres chic but I honestly do not like that bodice.  Grade: B

Love Taraji HATE the dress.  A mess of busy fabric thrown onto her body like a shower curtain.  Grade:  F-

Tiffany Hadish.  I HATE PRIMARY COLORS!!!!  Grade: F



Tracee Ellis Ross in an ugly bubble-gum pink wrinkly mess.  Grade:  F



'Who Is America' Trolls Sheriff Joe Arpaio

SERENA'S MELTDOWN ....

OK ... I'm probably a little late with this but I've been busy.
So Serena has a meltdown and breaks her racquet like a five-year old. 
Everyone is defending her because she has a va-jay-jay and no one ever said squat about McEnroe's or Jimmy Conners' tantrums.  Maybe it's because they were boys and had weenies, but it still does not dismiss the fact that they were assholes.  It's behavior unbecoming of ANYONE.
Serena Williams has won A HUNDRED MILLION TIMES AND HAS GAZILLIONS OF DOLLARS.  Can't you just take a loss with a little grace?  Life is unfair cupcake.  If I pulled shit like that in my office every time I was unjustly treated I'd be unemployed and living in a box on Skid Row. 
Suck it up.  Put your big girl panties on a deal with it.  It's not like you're unemployed with no insurance and can't afford your rent for crying out loud.


Whatever happened to SPORTSMANSHIP?  I learned that in elementary school.  And yeah.  Sometimes shit happens and it's wrong and unfair ... DEAL WITH IT.  It builds character. 


NEXT ....


So my boyfriend's new movie comes out in November!!!! 

It's called "Green Book" and it looks like another GOOD ONE!  Check out the trailer. 


NEXT.....


Nothing right now as I am not pissed off yet. 

Lies, lies, lies yeah ...

Dan and I have been married for a hundred and fifty years so you would think that there is no reason to tell little white lies anymore, right?  NO.

The other day I saw him walking around wearing with these really funky shoes.  They were like lady's orthopedic sandals.  And I asked him ... "where'd you get those shoes?"

Dan:  "I've had them for a long time I've just never worn them."  (FYI -- THIS is a woman's standard lie). 

Me:  "Really?  When did you get them?"

Dan:  "I got them from Ebay a long time ago.  I only paid $40!"

Me:  "How come you've never worn them before?"

Dan:  "I actually forgot I had them."  

And all the time I'm thinking ... I've never seen those funky shoes in my life.

OK.  End of story.

Next day ...

I'm on the computer looking at my emails.  And what do I see?  I see an email from Ebay saying:  "Your new shoes were delivered YESTERDAY!" 

Mhmmmm, I say to myself.  Someone has some 'splainin' to doooooooo.

I call Dan on the phone. 

Me:  "Honey?"
Dan:  "Yeah"
Me:  "Can I ask you a question?"
Dan:  "Sure."
Me:  "Why did you lie to me about those funky shoes you bought?  I know they were delivered YESTERDAY because I READ THE EMAIL."

A short pause ....

Dan:  "I didn't want you to get mad at me for spending money." 

OK -- first of all, you have to understand that NO ONE GETS MAD AT DANNY when Danny spends money.  EVER. 

Did I say anything when he came home with a brand new T.V.?  NO.  I did not.

Did I say anything when he came home with a new $3,000 bicycle?  NO.  I did not.

Did I say anything when he came home with a brand new laptop?  NO.  I did not.

Danny never gets in trouble for spending money.  You know why?  Because I am not fast enough to block and counter-block all of his arguments as to WHY he purchased whatever it is that he purchased.  It's like his arguments are the rounds on an AK-47.  I can't respond to any of them fast enough because I'm already dead with facts. 

I, HOWEVER, GET IN TROUBLE FOR SPENDING MONEY.  That is why I now have a ME ACCOUNT.  My own savings account so I can do whatever I want and spend whatever I want to spend on.  I should have done this years ago when we first got married but I was all "in love" back then.  You know.  Wanting to be the perfect wife and all that crap.  I actually had this idea in my head that on Dan's last day of life he would say that he'd had the perfect wife ... one who never yelled at him or gave him a moment's grief. 

That didn't last long. 

HEY EVERYONE!!

JADA USED TO BE A SEX ADDICT. 

So Jada has this program (that I've never seen) but there are daily excerpts on various websites with the latest shocking news.  Today she told the entire world that she used to be a sex addict and that her grandmother taught her how to masturbate when she was 9.  Her GRANDMOTHER.  Oh ... and apparently her mother was a heroin addict for 20 years.  GOOD TO KNOW.  This information will now give me the tools I need to live my life effectively.  Thank you Jada.   

And you think you're f***ked up. 

More B.S. from self-involved celebrities ...

Will Smith, Jada Pinkett Smith no longer say they're 'married' ....

"We don't even say we're married anymore. We refer to ourselves as life partners, where you get into that space where you realize you are literally with somebody for the rest of your life," Will said of why they have stopped using married to describe themselves.


"There's no deal breakers. There's nothing she could do ever. Nothing that would break our relationship," he continued. "She has my support till death and it feels so good to get to that space."


My thoughts:


 
Hey Jada ... Will ... NO ONE GIVES A FUCK, OK. 


NEXT ...
Alexis and Jim Bellino




Jesus Jugs and the Chinless Wonder

So, apparently the couple who represented Christian marriage and home-spun values are divorcing.  Actually .... Jim is divorcing Alexis.  And Jim, the  "head priest of his Christian family," is asking for alimony and full custody of his children.  Jim!  Where have your values gone?  How is Alexis going to pay you support when the only work experience she has had is waiting on you hand a foot and running after three kids all day?  You, sir ... are a moron. 

In the words of Vicki Gunvalson .... "you are a smelly dork."


SMOOCHES!

Just for fun ... a repost on Jim and Alexis when they were happily married and watching porn ...



OK ... Jim and Alexis went to Palm Desert for a little "get-a-way" cause dayum, their lives are sooooooo stressful!


In the gorgeous cream colored interior of their fabulously expensive car, Jim insists that they must "lay out and get some sun" and then chastises Alexis for only packing one swimsuit. He tells her that he will buy her a new bikini (because God knows we can't wear the same bathing suit two days in a row and have "our fans" thinking that I can't afford to keep my whore wife, knee deep in bikinis.



They arrive at the beautiful five star location wherein we see the two of them giddy with excitement. We then watch as Alexis gushes over the fact that her husband has reserved the Presidential Suite. This hotel has special meaning for these two because it's where they met (awwwwwwww) ... as Alexis tells it, she was on vaca with a couple of girlfriends, done with men after having come off her first marriage and there she was, sitting at the pool in her itty bitty teeny weeny yellow polka dot bikini and her 36G's when along came the Pillsbury Doughboy with a bucket of beer and says to her the most romantic words she had ever heard .... "you're either hot or thirsty so which one is it?" BE STILL MY HEART. And that was it! True love ...!



As we watch the happy couple enter their beautiful, huge (and unbelievably tacky) suite, Alexis again goes on and on .... omg would you look at this place! look at the views! look at the rooms! look look look look!!!!! To which fatboy replies, "it better have beautiful views for $2,985.00 a night." God almighty MUST HE constantly tell you the cost of everything?!  OBVIOUSLY noveau riche.



And by the way pal, flamingos are not swans.

These are flamingos:









and these are swans ... YOU IDIOT. And no. I don't know how much they cost.



And P.S. ... Alexis, don't think I didn't catch that little remark you made about you and Jim going to your room to watch a movie ... and you know what that means (wink wink) .... (uhhh, maybe it's just me but .... isn't porn kind of a no-no for Christians?)




There is so much more to say about these two but I'm already throwing up a little bit in my mouth.



GOSSIP FROM HOLLYWEIRD ....

So, apparently David Foster popped the question and now he and Katherine McPhee are engaged.  

My thoughts:  Katherine McPhee is quite the tart and has certainly slept her way to the very top.  I'm sorry, but between being unfaithful and breaking up marriages I think it's safe to say that Katherine is NOT a "girl's girl."

David, on the other hand, is obviously a man who needs a woman who will be at his beck and call and fawn over him while he plays the piano.  After watching him on RHOBH when he was married to Yolanda she was nothing more than a servant who brought him roasted chicken on a silver platter and called him MY LOVE twenty-four seven.  (eyes rolling) .... then he would RAVE about what a great hostess/cook/wife she was.  That is until she got sick and NEEDED him.  You know, like when you're sick and you need your spouse to love you/care for you/take care of you.  Well WHO HAS TIME FOR THAT?  I've got concerts to give and places  to be ... so he divorces her.

I give this new marriage three years.  If she pops out a kid, five max. 

NEXT ....

Poor Heather Locklear.  She's had nothing but trouble the last couple of years. Between arrests and rehab she's been through the mill.

My thoughts:  When you've been America's Sexy Sweetheart and you find yourself divorced for the second time, you're no longer 30, and the future doesn't look too promising, I guess you can lose your mind.  This is a common side effect of beautiful, famous women.  It's a bitch to get old.  Even though she still looks amazing, the truth is, she's now in her 50's and time does not go backward.

I honestly wonder whether she regrets divorcing yummy Richie Sambora so fast.  It seems she didn't even THINK about it, she just did it.  Then she found herself lonely and alone while Richie started banging her ex-friend Denise Richards.  That right there is enough to make any woman lose her shit.  Trust me, I know.  

Even though she initiated the divorce and has had several relationships and has been engaged a few times, it's not the same when you're in your 50's.  Maybe she regrets divorcing Richie ... I don't know, but she is obviously a woman who needs a man in her life.  Another side effect of being famous and beautiful.  You need someone to mirror to you that you are FABULOUS nineteen thousand times a day.  

I hope she gets it together.

HOPE YOU ALL HAVE A HAPPY 

4TH OF JULY!  

RANT NO. 2!

In the words of Johnny Gill .... My, my, my!!! 

So much happening this week so let's get started!

TRISTAN THOMPSON CHEATS ON PREGNANT KHLOE KARDASHIAN!!

Well.  First let me say, with all sincerity, that I feel really bad for Khloe, and for any woman whose man cheats on her.  But to cheat on your partner when your partner is pregnant is a low SO low, that there is no low LOW enough.  In the words of Julia Roberts ... (from My Best Friend's Wedding) ... you are the pus .... that infects the mucous .... that cruds up the fungus ... that feeds on the pond scum. 

That you are Tristan.  That you are.

May your pee-pee rot, turn green and fall off.

Now ... dear Khloe ... I am going to give you some advice that your mother is not capable of giving you because her life revolves around ratings and not your true happiness. 

NEVER.  EVER.  DATE ANYONE IN THEIR 20'S.  PERIOD.  NO EXCEPTIONS.  EVER.

DO NOT DATE ANYONE in the entertainment business.  This includes sports.

ONLY date men OVER 35.  Forty is probably better.

You see Khloe, I knew George Clooney would marry and have kids one day despite all of his adamant protestations otherwise.  How did I know this you ask?  I know this, because I am an old broad.  And once a man, who has had the world at his feet, and every woman in it, reaches the age of about 50, he's ready for something different.  Something meaningful.  Something REAL.  Trust me.  And George did exactly as I knew he would.  He found a super smart lady with her own career, early to mid 30's.  Mature, yet still young enough to push out a couple of kids, and he married her.  Take heed.  Your way, is the road to "baby-daddy-hood" and not much else.  (See Kate Hudson*). 



AND ... if I've said it once, I've said it a million times GET A SPRITUAL PRACTICE ... AND PRACTICE IT.  You won't be sorry.

SO GOOD LUCK and be thankful.  You are blessed beyond that you are worth GAZILLIONS of dollars and can afford the help a working mother requires.  Most gals end up with a dead beat baby daddy who contributes nothing at all and you end up doing it all by yourself living on a shitty salary while having to move back home with your parents.  And that would be no life for our little Khloe.

NEXT .... this should really be on my political blog but I really don't feel like jumping over there right now soooooo ....

Laura Ingraham's Sponsors Still Bolting Over Comments About Parkland Survivor

So, the Queen of Mean is back on the air after a week's "vacation" .... (insert eyes rolling).  This vile woman attacked David Hogg and ridiculed him publically for not getting into several colleges.  He has since been accepted at UC Irvine).  The point?  The point is she's a grown woman and he's a teen-ager.  Whose entire school was shot up, in his presence and his friends were murdered in a violent, bloody assault. 

SO, what did David Hogg do?  He turned the tables and went public by asking for advertisers to pull their ads from her show.  And guess what?  THEY DID. 

So, the next time you wanna play that way Miss Laura, make sure you're able to deal with the consequences.  Allow me to cite a few names just to jog your memory of previous assholes who are no longer on the air:

Bill O'Reilly

Dr. Laura Schlessinger

Matt Lauer

Bill Imus

... just to name a few. 

Fairytales can come true ... it could happen to you ....

HAVE AN NICE DAY

And last but not least ....

Mimi is bipolar.  I could have told you this in 1999.

SMOOCHES!



 

(* https://trixiesmommy.blogspot.com/2018/04/a-rant-quickie.html)