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Showing posts from September, 2010

UGH! I've had just about enough of these two ...

Demi and Ashton - Class Couple

1. How old is this woman? I'll tell you how old she is ... she's PUSHING 50. FIFTY and she fucking tweets pictures of her and her boy-toy husband in bed so we'll know that:
(a) they're not separating;
(b) having trouble in paradise; or
(c) that stud muffin Ashton isn't boinking younger broads.

Demi, seriously girlfriend. What do you think ... all us old broads out here wished we looked like you and had a 32 year old puppy for a husband. You think we look at your tweets and think "AWWWWW ... HOW CUTE THEY ARE! We wanna be just like them. Well, let me tell you ... we DON'T. You're an idiot. I mean, I'm sure the sex is hot and super fantastic but girlfriend, you're 47, he's 32. THIRTY-TWO. When you're 50 he'll be 35. IN HIS MANLY PRIME. HE'S A BOY TOY. A BOY YOU TOY WITH ... NOT MARRY. And I don't care how much botox and plastic surgery you get, your lady thing is gonna dry up and you're going to…


I don't know what it is, but it all started a few years ago with my Viggo. And let me say right here that Viggo will always be my No. 1 Fantasy Boyfriend, BUT lately ... I've been getting these unbelievable big ol crushes on guys from the 1970's and I completely JONES over them. Right now my big ol crush is on Gino Vannelli. My husband bought me an IPOD and I always loved Gino Vannelli's music so I downloaded a ton of it and now I cannot stop listening to him and thinking about him and wanting to be his girlfriend. Seriously.

It's obsession verging on madness. But look at him! He's the typical sex god from the 70's. Big hair, tight pants, hairy chest. And his songs ... his lyrics are very sexy and deep ... he literally make me swoon.
A while back I was in love with Robert Lamm of Chicago. I searched the Internet like a madwoman trying to find pictures, video, any information on him I could possibly find ... totally obsessed. It's like I am suffering fro…

More discussion on middle age ... (not for the squeamish)

I was emailing my sister from work today while in between doing "very important work" and I just had to mention to her that I had the amazing ability to let one rip for a good two minutes. Yes. You heard me correctly. TWO. SOLID. MINUTES. I could probably propel myself to impressive distances if I could just figure out a way to fashion a suit with wings and make it work to my advantage. This is just one more frustrating symptom of becoming an old bag. The bloating, the distended belly, and the need to let it go ... or die. Sometimes I want to tell people ..."you know, I'm not really this fat. I just need to be pierced". I once saw a documentary about these sheep and if they ate too much alfalfa they would actually bloat to the point where the sheepherder had to stick this gigantic needle into their bellies to let the gas out or they'd die. Swear. You could actually hear the gas seeping Ssssssss from their bellies. IF ONLY they could do that for people.

Then …