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Showing posts from August, 2011

THE MARRIAGE REF

So I was laid up again with another cortisone shot to the foot (I'm officially an old lady) Dan and I just hung around the house because I wasn't supposed walk and besides, it was too freaking hot outside.

Later that night we were watching "The Marriage Ref." I don't know if you've ever seen this program but it is definitely a must see. It will make all you married folks out there feel NORMAL. You know how sometimes when you're married you can feel kinda guilty because sometimes you can be big ol beyotch and your spouse has to put up with all your crap but then you gotta put up with their crap too like when you lose it because the husband is chomping on chips loudly crackling the bag while standing over the sink with a container of salsa which always, ALWAYS ends up on the front of his T-shirt because he's a slob and he would rather munch for three and a half hours than actually prepare a meal for himself, but I digress ...

Anyway, the premise of thi…

ANCIENT ALIENTS AND NEAR DEATH EXPERIENCES ....

“When you start preparing for death you soon realize that you must look into your life … now … and come to face the truth of yourself. Death is like a mirror in which the true meaning of life is reflected.” - Sogyal Rinpoche

I love this quote. Those readers and friends who know me personally know that I am utterly and completely obsessed with death. Near-death experiences in particular. All things supernatural, mystical, metaphysical and unexplainable are right up my alley. Everything from apparitions of the Blessed Mother to alien abduction stories I'm there.

I think I have read every book there is to read on the subject of near death experiences from those who study it to those who have experienced it. A fantastic site you might want to check out: http://www.near-death.com/. (If you really want to check out something spectacular, Google Reinee Pasarow's near death experience. It's a video you can watch as this woman tells of her near death experience ... FASCINATING). In a…

I'M FAT AND MY FOOT HURTS

It's true. I finally broke down and joined Weight Watchers on line. It has been one month (4 looooong weeks) and I have lost a grand total of 4 lbs and gained one back. I'm hungry all the time and keep asking myself "what's the point?!" Do I accept middle aged fatness as a fact of life? Do I fight it and starve for the rest of my life? It's all so depressing. I've decided to re-engage, re-commit and keep on trying. It all started with that damn Ambien and my eating at night unawares ... remember the carrot cake story? Yeah. Unemployed for two years, stressed about not working, not being able to find work, blah blah blah ... next stop: SERIOUS INSOMNIA. Go to doctor, prescribes Ambien. I sleep great but put on 30 lbs. UN-FUCKEN-BELIEVABLE. And it's not like I didn't know it ... but I didn't know it. One morning, I'm sitting on the bed in my underwear facing the mirror in the bathroom and I SAW MYSELF for the first time, real…

ANOTHER TRIP THROUGH THE ETHER ...

It was magical … the way dreams are always magical. I was on a train. A big train that was more like a cruise ship with nice big rooms. There were large conference rooms and restaurants. I find my room/cabin and after getting settled I wandered through the train/cruise ship and found myself in one of those conference rooms where a sort of press conference was taking place. There were many familiar people there. I noticed Ed Harris walking in wearing a beret. He takes a seat with the others and then I see him … (huge intake of breath) my boyfriend. Already seated. He had on a nice suit. His hair was a little long but he was looking handsome and manly and I wished, oh how I wished I could stand right next to him and feel his presence. *Sigh* I watched the proceedings while sitting cross legged on the floor by the entryway doors. I tried to sneak looks at him without appearing obvious. He didn’t catch me looking and though I wanted to openly stare at him I f…

IDIOTS, IDIOTS AND MORE IDIOTS ...

The other day while driving to work I had to pass a cyclist who was tooling along on the highway ... with headphones on. This to me is akin to sticking your fingers in your ears while loudly saying LALALALA and then closing your eyes and running directly into oncoming traffic.

A few months ago I was in the Ralph's parking lot and there, just outside of my peripheral vision I saw a flash of movement ... and then BAM! There he was ... right on me! A kid flying through the parking lot, on a skateboard with those damn things in his ears. I almost hit him but lucky for him I'm one of those "cautious" old broads who LOOKS where she's going otherwise he'd have been under my car or on my hood. Why don't you just blindfold yourself and ride your skateboard on the freeway? Same thing.

And can I just ask WTF is this obsession with distraction? People forever looking down texting and not looking where they're going! Riding bikes and skateboards with those things i…

HOUSEWIVES ...

Ok folks, sometimes even geniuses fall short on creative topics and when I find myself in this situation I usually turn to the Housewives who are always good for a reliable source for outrageous, flipped out lunacy. I have just a few thoughts on the NY Reunion episode (parts 1 and 2) … it was basically a screaming bitch fest and I could barely catch a word sideways, so I’ll keep it short and sweet.
The Countess (LuAnn): SNOB. She really should take Ramona’s advice and “get that stick outta her ass.” Jill: Still a mean girl and a sniper whobefriends anyone, even those she disdains, in order to have a bigger camp of supporters. Kelly: (aka Elle McPherson, Jr. (she wishes): Seriously daft with a vocabulary of two key words that she sprinkles throughout her conversationsincessantly: Like and Amazing. And according to her, she says she has a degree from Columbia (… like … Columbia Night School? … that’s Amazing. Zzzzzz. Alex: I like Alex. Although she tends to hyperventil…

PET PEEVES

I admit it ... I'm a pain in the ass and everything annoys ... these are just a few:

1. Whistlers.

Whistler: "Gee, I'm bored. I think I'll whistle while I wander through this (mall, department
store, grocery market, take your pick) and annoy the EFF out of anyone near me who has ears.
2. Perennially Happy, Upbeat People.

PHU Person: "Gee, even though they handcuff me to my desk at work and beat me with a stick every hour on the hour it could be worse ... I could be out of a job." NO YOU MORON. Having a job where they handcuff you to your desk and beat you with a stick every hour on the hour IS WORSE. Oy vay.




















3. Michelle Bachman.



















































JEEZ.


4. Women who leave the house with wet hair.

5. Loud assed people who have long assed conversations while on their speakerphones with their DOORS OPEN.

6. That one person who drumbs their fingers on my desk every freaking time they pass by. Like I can't SEE that they're passing by ... I hate that!



More to come ...

TOODLES!