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Showing posts from 2013

VARIOUS RANTINGS AND RAVINGS ...

Joe Jonas Talks Smoking Pot With Miley Cyrus, Demi Lovato and Losing His Virginity With Ashley Greene ...
Not that I care about Joe Jonas ... mainly because he's about as interesting as dirt, but I had to comment on the headline above because I KNEW those freaking purity rings were bullshit.

And now ... because a day without Kimmie is like a day without sunshine.  Kimmie gives everyone tips on how to take the perfect selfie ...
"You always need [your phone] to be a little bit higher than lower ... and know your angle," Kardashian explains.  "Know the lighting and know duck face," Kardashian insists, "I love that because it gives you cheekbones." So, to sum it up: Rule #1:  Hold your phone high for the picture. Rule #2:  Know your angle. Rule #3:  Know your lighting. Rule #4:  Work that duck face! Wow.  Now I can die.
NEXT HEADLINE: Michele Bachmann:  Obama 'Has Rewritten The Constitution For Himself'   ... Reprinted from Huffington Post:
“He has rewritte…

BLACK FRIDAY ....

So this right here is the LAST PLACE ON EARTH you'd find me.  Black Friday.  Masses of people BUYING SHIT. Truthfully, I'm all for a bargain, but if I have to deal with crowds of ANY KIND I'd rather pay full price.  Is the aggravation of waiting in lines and fighting for stuff your idea of having a good time?  There isn't enough Valium in the world for me to deal with that.  Here is my theory ... life in 2053.   The United States of America has now become the world's largest shopping mall.  People from all over the world will fly here to buy shit.  All of the citizens of the USA will be trained in the service industry.  No more doctors, lawyers or Indian chiefs.  We will all be clerks serving the worlds customers.  Don't laugh.  Look at the picture above!  If that doesn't speak volumes, I don't know what does. HAPPY HOLIDAYS SUCKERS.

AMERICAN MUSIC AWARDS RED CARPET ...

So I decided to blog about the American Music Awards Red Carpet because people always ask me why I didn't.  So, even though I don't know anybody, Ima bloggin'.  So, bear with me as I critique, applaud and castigate ... The beautiful Christina Aguilera.  Christina has this platinum thing down pat but I think she needs to CHANGE HER LOOK.  I've been saying this for years.  Lose the platinum blonde hair and soften up the makeup.  You are BEAUTIFUL and you look great now that you've lost some weight, but I would really encourage you to break out of this 1950's bombshell Jayne Mansfield look.  It's OLD, DONE and OVAH.  However, I am giving you an A+ because you DO look fab.  BUT THIS IS THE LAST TIME.  I don't want to see this look again.  Seriously ... I'm trying to help you. Chili and T-Boz of TLC.  Chili ... that is a MUFFIN TOP from hell.  The colorful cut out peek-a-boo top is ... well, right now words escape me.  You're a very pretty woman but yo…

FAMOUS PEOPLE ... UGH!!

So apparently Sean Penn flipped out on a fan who took his picture without permission.  WITHOUT PERMISSION.    I think Sean Penn is an incredible actor but he is also an INCREDIBLE ASSHOLE.  So here is an open letter to Mr. Penn.

Dear Sean Penn:

Why do you have to be so fucken mean to people who want a picture or an autograph?  They’re just excited to see someone famous.  It’s a big deal to regular people when they encounter one of your kind, you dirt bag. 

This is why I never, EVER approach a famous person for an autograph.  I have always been afraid they would humiliate me and then I wouldn’t like them anymore.  The one and only time I approached a celebrity I was in Las Vegas.  I happened to see Tony Curtis playing computer poker.  THE ONLY REASON I approached him was because the night before I saw him on the Arsenio Hall show and he went on and on about how much he LOVED when fans came up to him.  FUCKEN LIAR.  He made me feel SO STUPID.  The least you famous people could do is be ni…

RADICAL WEIRDOS AND SO ON ....

Rafael Cruz, Ted Cruz's father, is a Cuban American, born again Christian pastor.  In the Huffington Post he stated that Black people are uninformed and deceived.  As are Hispanics.  That was ridiculous enough.  But then he had to go and cite scripture in support of the death penalty ...

“You know, the Bible is so clear," he said. "Go to Genesis Chapter 9 and you will find the death penalty clearly stated in Genesis Chapter 9 ... God ordains the death penalty!”

Pastor .... check out 1 Peter 3:9:

"Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with a blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing."

And I may be wrong but, isn't there a commandment that states:  THOU SHALT NOT KILL?  That's pretty concrete.  I mean, it's actually written in stone ... THOU.  SHALT.  NOT.  KILL.   Exodus 20.  Pastor, look it up.

In another headline:

Sarah Palin Compares Federal Debt To Slavery


Uh Sarah .... Slavery …

PEOPLE IN THE NEWS ...

MILEY CYRYUS SMOKES A JOINT ON STAGE AT THE MTV EMAS ....



How ladylike.  


SARAH PALIN AND MATT LAUER DISCUSS THE GOP, THE TEA PARTY AND OBAMACARE ...


Sarah ... why don't you go kill a moose or something.


OK.  Now for a story about Danny.  SO.  EVERYTIME I try to call him this is what happens ...

DIAL.  Wait.  Ring.  Ring.  Ring.  "CLICK". 

ME:  Hello?

CLICK.   .... SILENCE.


Redial. 

DIAL.  Wait.  Ring.  Ring.  Ring.  "CLICK."

ME:  "Hello?"

CLICK.  ... SILENCE.


Again.

DIAL.  Wait.  Ring.  Ring.  Ring.  "CLICK"

DANNY:  "HELLO HELLO HELLO!?" 

ME:  Hello?

DANNY:  I'm sorry hon I was messing with my ear piece ... How are .... "CLICK".  SILENCE.



Love, love, love










Smooches Darlings!