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Showing posts from November, 2011

MORE ADVENTURES IN "DANNYLAND"

So, guess who went on a bike ride, swallowed a bee and got stung in the throat?

Yup. Danny.

So I tell him, you better go to the doctor right away. You could be having an allergic reaction. That thing could swell your throat up and you could suffocate and die! This is serious Dan. Let's go to urgent care right now!

Dan: Nah. I'm okay.

Me: WHY ARE YOU SO DAMN STUBBORN?! GAWD DANNY this could be very serious.

Dan: If I was gonna die I would have died already.

Me: UGHHHH!

Fast forward to 10:00 pm. The man has a raging fever and headache. For this he takes ONE Advil (because God forbid, he doesn't wanna hallucinate or anything). So he's feeling like crap, but goes to work the next day and suffers. FINALLY, gets to the doctor two days later because now that his limbs are turning black and his fingers are beginning to fall off he's concerned ... (that's sarcasm) and the doctor tells him ... are you ready?

Doc: You obviously had an allergic reaction to the be…

OK OK, I GIVE ...

I'll be 55 on my next birthday ... middle aged for sure if I live to be 110. Yesterday I went shopping to try to find an outfit for a wedding I'll be attending. I went to Nordstrom where I always go when I want something "special" but where now, it seems, EVERYTHING is too small ... no matter what size it is. After trying on a multitude of lovely blouses, dresses and tops with no success, I finally sucked it up and wandered over to the "fat lady" department. The gal there looked at me as if I had three heads ... I explained to her that I was much bigger than I look (it's true). She convinced me that everything in that department would be too big for me.Sadly, I'm somewhere between the fat lady department and the XL in the regular departments ... so, after spending $60 on Dior makeup so I wouldn't feel completely suicidal, I went home.

On the drive home I began mentally going through my closet to figure out what I could wear to the wedding. I imm…

NOW THIS IS WHAT A BRIDE SHOULD LOOK LIKE DAMMIT!

Susan Sarandon's daughter, Eva Amurri was married a few weeks ago. LOVE, LOVE, LOVE her gown. No tits hanging out, not the same ole strapless mermaid/ball gown everyone and their sister has worn for the last 10 years ... are you listening Kim?

She's beautiful, lovely, bride like. I LOVE IT.

And as long as we're on the subject of tasteful brides check out Ivanka Trumps wedding gown ... beautiful as well.


STUFF ... PET PEEVES AND KIMMIE KARDASHIAN

A phrase that has always irked me: I'm a survivor. What the hell does that mean? Like if you get cancer (God forbid) and you get over it then, yeah ... you're a survivor. But what if you don't survive? Does that mean you're a loser because you didn't survive? How can anyone make a statement like that when life is so random and uncertain? We're all surviving something. YOU'RE NOT A SURVIVOR YOU IDIOT ... YOU'RE JUST GOING THROUGH LIFE.

Next ...PET PEEVES:
People who say “CONVERSATING" instead of "CONVERSING". People who say they’re “CAREER ORIENTATED” instead of “CAREER ORIENTED”. It's orien-TED NOT orien-TA-ted. Ugh.People who say “SUPPOSEBLY” instead of “SUPPOSEDLY.” Morons.People who say “NUKECULAR” instead of “NUCLEAR” (George Bush). People who over use the word “BASICALLY” … basically, they use basically too much because they basically can’t communicate. Basically. Oy. Next ...
OK ... I really did try to resist the u…