Wednesday, December 8, 2021

Chris Cuomo, Tucker Carlson and others (basically, a rant) ...

IN light of Tucker Carlson and his spin on January 6, and Chris Cuomo sharing info with his lying, sexually perverted brother THEN come to find out Chris is a sexual harasser as well, I thought it was important that all you young kids know that a long time ago, there was a man by the name of Walter Cronkite. 


He said the news.

ONLY THE NEWS.


Not how he FELT about the news.


Not what he THOUGHT about the news.


Not how he OBTAINED the news.


He just REPORTED the news.  That’s all. 


He was the most trusted man in America. 

 

I miss those days.

 

I also miss the days when you could give your kid a beat down in the grocery store without getting arrested.


NEXT



Khloe Khloe Khloe.  SIGH.


1.    NEVER NEVER NEVER make a baby with someone unless you're married.  Not that this insures that your man will not cheat, but at least you would have legal recourse to nail his ass via lots and lots of dollars -- MILLIONS of dollars.


2.    If he is dating you and cheating on his pregnant girlfriend at the same time, this is what you would call a BIG FUCKIN RED FLAG.


3.    The first time he cheats on you will not be the last, as time has shown.  He is showing you who he is.  Pay attention.


4.    If he makes a baby with someone else while he is with you, END IT.  Do not  do not give him a second chance, do not pass GO, do not collect $200.  LEAVE.  PERIOD.  And NEVER go back.  EVER.  


5.    Do NOT date ANYONE in their 20's.  I'd say 35 to 40 would be a wiser choice.  You need a mature man who knows who he is,  However, finding this in your world is not very likely.     


Unfortunately, since you did not adhere to items 1 thru 4 above, it very well may be too late for you.  


My parting advice:


Get some therapy, figure your shit out, DO THE WORK, LEARN from your mistakes and don't repeat them.  You'd be surprised how much better you will feel about yourself as a woman and a person.


But I know you won't do any of this and more than likely you will:


(a) Give Tristan another chance;

(b) Have another baby with Tristan;

(c) Marry Tristan and hope for the best.


GOOD LUCK.


NEXT ...



Kayleigh McEnany said she didn't lie in the White House briefing room because she went to Oxford, Harvard, and Georgetown and was a Christian


Hey Kaylie, ever heard of Jim Bakker?  Jimmy Swaggert?


THEY WERE CHRISTIANS TOO.


I love how you think that saying you're a Christian is supposed to absolve you of lying when you did, in fact, LIE multiple times.  You're a lying liar and we all know it.  And Jesus doesn't like you.


And SOMEONE PLEASE fire this nut case Marjorie Taylor Greene.  



That's all.

Monday, October 25, 2021

I'M TIRED OF CELEBRITIES TELLING US HOW TO AGE GRACEFULLY ...

So, Suzanne Somers just turned 75.  In honor of her birthday, she decided to post of photo of her gorgeous legs to inspire the rest of us hags that we too, can have legs like Suzanne.


1.    Obviously has leg makeup on.

2.    Obviously airbrushed,

3.    And put on some pantyhose please.  


Years ago I wrote a post about Suzanne Somers and her claim that she and Alan have sex three times a day.  Please re-enjoy.



This is Amy
So I was playing around on Facebook the other day and happened upon the brilliant Amy Ferris (writer/blogger and person extraordinaire) who happened to mention that Suzanne Somers says she and her husband have sex three times a day.  Now Suzanne is all about the sexy and she wants us to be all about the sexy too.  (eyes rolling).  Suzanne Somers takes hormones so she can be sexy, which also means that she still gets a period.  At 66.  ANY MORON WHO STILL WANTS TO GET A PERIOD AT 66 DESERVES TO HAVE SEX THREE TIMES A DAY.  As for me, I don’t.  I prefer to remember when I was young and sexy and DID have sex three times a day.  I couldn’t get enough sex.  But that was then.  Now I’m 64.  I do not want to have sex three times a day.  I really don’t.  And no amount of hormones and Pilates is going to make me want to have sex three times a day.  I think Suzanne just wants the rest of us old broads to feel jealous that she is having sex three times a day when the reality is most of us don't give a shit about having sex three times a day, nor do we give a shit that Suzanne having sex three times a day.  We, the REAL women of America, feel this way because we know that (1) she is a fucking liar; and (2) she is an idiot.  
 
So Suzanne, if you want to take your hormones and get a period, and buy tampons and have sex three times a day, knock yourself out.  But don’t tell the entire world about it ok.  We really don’t care.  You and your diet books and your sexy advice can go jump off a cliff.  It’s called “LIFE” Suzanne.  You’re young, then you’re old.  DEAL WITH IT.  And one day, you’re actually going to die.  You gotta deal with that too.  That’s why you have to take hormones to be sexy at 66 because by the laws of nature, you are not supposed to be sexy at 66.  You MORON. 
 
NEXT ...
 

Michelle Pfeiffer - Age: 63

Michelle Pfeiffer now

“I haven’t changed my skin routine in over ten years. My routine is simple: I cleanse, I moisturize, that’s it.” – Michelle Pfeiffer
I love you Michelle, but you're a big fat liar.  
You've had a nose job, fillers, Botox and probably some lipo.  Just own it.
NEXT ...

Gwyneth Paltrow.  Naked.  Gwyneth is thirsty.

What is it with these broads?  If they were truly embracing the aging process they wouldn't be injecting themselves with fillers and Botox and sucking fat out of their bodies and posting naked pictures of themselves all over the internet.  (1) They KNOW they look great and, better than the rest of every woman on the planet who is the same age as they are, which in my opinion makes them nothing more than conceited and self-absorbed.    The truth is these ladies are TERRIFIED of aging, LOOK AT ME!  I'M NAKED and I'M 60.  AREN'T I HOT?!  No.  You're THIRSTY ... and that is SAD.

Wednesday, September 15, 2021

A MUST SHARE ....

 EVERYONE!!  I MUST SHARE!!  My blogging friend is brilliant and HILARIOUS covering red carpet events.  CHECK OUT HIS BLOG!  YOU WILL NOT BE SORRY LOL!

Just copy and put the address in your browser.  

http://ishouldbelaughing.blogspot.com/2021/09/the-met-gala-good-bad-ugly.html





Tuesday, September 14, 2021

The MET GALA ...

I looked through about a million pictures of everyone who attended this event.  There were some crazy ridiculous outfits and all I can think is ... WHO CONVINCED YOU TO WEAR THAT?!  I am going to post a few ... there were just TOO MANY and you'd be scrolling for three days so her goes!

Guess who?

You'll never guess in a million years ...


Kim Kardashian.  Yeah.  Kim K.  Sadly, right after walking the Red Carpet she had to be resuscitated.  Not only because she could not breathe through that head covering, but because she also did not get her narcissistic feed for the evening.  It was devastating.  She had to be taken to the ER and given fluids through an I.V.  The shock of realizing that NO ONE knew who she was was more than she could take.  Grade:  F-

NEXT ...

Jello.  She obviously has never heard that "less is more."  We have a hat, a fur wrap, a train, earrings, a thick choker, a necklace and a belt in a color palette of black, brown and silver.  Please see photo of Kim K. above.  Or better yet, next time just cover your ridiculous self with a burka.  Grade:  F-




Olivia Rodrigo.  Personally, I am not a fan of this sheer, unfinished look.  Either add a skirt or don't go to the event.  Grade:  F-

Lovely.  In the interest of fostering positive intergalactic relations, Anna Wintour invited the first ever Nordic Alien to the Met Gala.  Grade:  A 
(Only because I'm afraid she'll zap me with those creepy eyes of hers).


Frank Ocean has also jumped on the Alien bandwagon and taken part in fostering goodwill as well.  He brought his baby reptilian.  The little fella seems to really be enjoying the festivities.


Kendall wearing a sheer dress that looks more appropriate for the Folies Bergère.  It is beautiful, but the flesh colored panties and bustier ruin the look.  If you want to LOOK naked, why don't you just GO naked?


I know all these gals are trying to make an edgy fashion statement, but a horse?  Grade:  DOUBLE F-
... a horse is a horse of course of course ...  




Lorde.  I love this girl.  She truly IS edgy and authentic and I love what she's wearing.  I'm getting a Pocahontas vibe ... THIS is how you take a fashion risk.  I also think she has the most interesting face!  Grade:  A



Megan Fox channeling Bette Paige.  Very sexy, very beautiful, very chic with an edge.  Grade:  A


Rita Ora.  I think she is so pretty!  Grade:  A

Zoe Kravitz.  I can see her entire butt.  I could never, EVER show my butt like that.  Even if it looked like hers.  This isn't even a "gown."  It's a chain link fence.  Grade:  D


Why Taraji look so sad?

Could it be that outfit?

Whoopi.  NO.  Grade:  F-

Pete Davidson channeling Mrs. Doubtfire. What an idiot.  Grade:  F-


Gigi Hadid looking like a red-headed Barbie.  Grade:  B


Venus Williams looking very glam (unlike her sister who looked like a giant marshmallow).  Grade:  A

Serena Williams looking like a giant Marshmallow. Or those Mexican cookies.  Grade: F

SEE!

This gal is wearing Louis Vuitton.  LOUIS VUITTON.  WHAT.  THE ACTUAL.  FUCK.  
I could have made this rag myself!  Just get some shiny black patent leather and fabric from my old Holly Hobbie dolls and voila!  Grade:  Double F-

Tres chic.  Grade:  A

Tom Ford.  YOWZA!!  What a man!  Grade:  A+

Timothy Chalamet.  I am posting this pic especially for my friend Maria T., who is a 45 year old perv and has a mean ol crush on this child.  Grade:  A
The Beebs looking quite debonair.  Grade:  A

Sharon Stone in a sparkly tent.  Grade:  D

Two things.  (1) Her name.  Saweetie; and 

(2) It's a thin line between sexy and slutty and she chose slutty.  Bet you a million bucks she bought it off the rack at Fredericks of Hollywood.  Grade:  F


YOWZA!!  Now that's a man!

Kobe Bryant's baby girl Natalia.  The perfect dress for "that time of the month."  Grade:  F-
I LIKE IT!  Grade:  A
LOVE HER!!!!  Megan should smile more often.  She has a beautiful smile and She SO PURDY!

Wow.  Boobs about to go BOOM!  Grade:  F-


Pretty in black.  I'd sure hate to have to wash that hair after tonight.  


Lourdes Leon channeling Cher.  How can her mother let her out of the house like that?!  OH.  I forgot.  Madonna is her mama.  GROSS!!!  Puchie!  Grade:  F


Lupita usually nails it.  Love the hair, love the makeup, hate the dress.  Lupita, denim NEVER makes for a good formal look.  Grade:  C-


Love this gown!  Grade:  A

Lily Rose Depp (don't you love nepotism) looking adorable in a pink and black Chanel.  Love.  Grade:  B

Dude truly takes chances.

Kristen Stewart.  Love it.  But hair color looks cheap and brassy.  Grade:  B


Kate Hudson.  The Princess of Hollywood.  Hate her, but outfit is cute.  Grade B


Karli Kloss looking every inch the model she is.  Grade:  A
Kaia Gerber.  Beautiful girl, beautiful dress.  Looking fresh, sophisticated and glamorous.  Grade A


Jennifer Hudson also looking very sophisticated and glam.  Grade:  A

Is the bullet bra back and nobody told me!
This dress has a kaleidoscope of color that has the power to induce vomiting.  Grade:  F-


Iman.  She looks like a talapa.
                                                                                  
                                                                                Talapa

SEE!  AMIRITE OR AMIRITE?

Eiza Gonzalez.  Beautiful in Red!  Grade: A


The beautiful Georgina Chapman, ex-wife of 
troll Harvey Weinstein, and now dating Adrian Brody.  Good for her!  Grade:  A

Emily Blunt, my FAVORITE ACTRESS!  She does kinda look like the Statue of Liberty but in my eyes she can do now wrong.  Grade:  A 


Donatella.  Hun, when ladies have super wrinkly arms they should not go sleeveless.  That's why they invented the Shrug.  Grade:  D-


Love this Audrey Hepburn throw back.


Diane Kruger usually nails it but this thing is beyond awful. And her makeup and hair are equally terrible. Grade:  DOUBLE F-



Debbie Harry.  Another who can do no wrong in my book!  LOVE HER!

Dan Levy.  I love you, but what the schitt!

Class Couple!  The Curreys.  

Cruella Deville circa 2021.

The Cowboy Bobsy Twins.  Grade:  F-


UH ... girlfriend ... do you know that everyone can see your panties?


Channing Tatum ... YOWZA!  Grade:  A

Cary Mulligan.  TOO pink and the hair is too 1950's Chantilly Lace ponytail.
Grade:  D

Love the slutty 1970's vibe.  NOT.

When asked "who" they were wearing, they both said in Unison ... Merrie Melodies by Looney Tunes.


Simone Biles.  AY.  YI YI.  Not the choice to make when you're three feet tall.  Grade:  F


The Devil Herself ... Anna Wintour.  And yeah, she gets an A because she might cut off my head.


This lady decided to attend as a snowflake.



AAAAAAAAAAND WERE' DONE!

Hope you enjoyed.  Sorry if I missed anyone you wanted to see.  Until next time ...

SMOOCHES!



Chris Cuomo, Tucker Carlson and others (basically, a rant) ...

IN light of Tucker Carlson and his spin on January 6, and Chris Cuomo sharing info with his lying, sexually perverted brother THEN come to f...