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He was gone.  I sat on the grass under that beautiful tree where only seconds ago I was in his arms ... I could still feel the warmth of his embrace.  Tears fell unbidden and I sat with my pain for what seemed like hours.  Drained of emotion I felt present and awake, but exhausted at the same time.  It was a feeling that was accompanied by the certainty that I had done the right thing and I was at peace with it, even though I was devastated at the outcome.  He knew how strange the ether was, he said so all the time.  But in his defense, I can understand how what I said threw him.  It WAS crazy.  Anyone would be bowled over by such a tale.  

I had to give him time.  

Then I would try to get back to the ether.  I didn't know if I could still do it.  The truth had changed everything and I still wasn't sure how all of this worked.  How I wish I could erase it all and start over. 

Questions bombarded me.  Had the spell been broken? Could I still manifest myself now that he was aware?  Maybe now that he knew the truth he would be able to resist my call.  If that were the case I'd probably never see him again.  My heart could not bear the thought ... I'll give it a few weeks.  Let him think on all of this craziness.  I'll get myself to the library and, if he's not there, then I'll know that he had no decision in his manifestation and his presence truly was manipulated by my desire.  However, if he is there, then that would mean the spell hadn't been broken because he'd have no choice in manifesting and that could only mean one thing ... he never had control over his heart.  That would be the worst outcome because it would mean that his feelings were never his own!  All the special moments we spent in the library, his words, his affection were manufactured by me ... None of it had ever been real ... and I'd rather not have had the experience if that was the case because not only would it prove that his feelings for me were merely an illusion, but it would also prove that I surely must be mad! 

I can't think about that right now.  Until I know what is what, I have to try to go back.   TRY once again to explain and to make it right.  I had to see him again.  I HAD TO.  I will find him.  I WILL.  It cannot end like this ...

(to be continued ...)


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CONGRATULATIONS VIGGO on your Third Oscar Nomination!!!