Still reveling in his words I was beyond ecstatic. Up until this moment I was happy just to exist in the non-time of our relationship, but this new revelation ... this spontaneous proposal thrilled me to no end and yet it changed everything. The skip in time that had pushed us forward had uncovered a truth which had been deep in my subconscious, and now realized, would cause me untold pain. That truth was that I was the force behind this entire charade! It had come to me in a flash and I knew without a doubt that I had the power to manipulate the ether! I had had the power to find him all along and with this ability ... I drew him to me! As far as I could tell, he had no say in the matter, which made it all the more wrong. My innate honesty would not let me keep this secret from him. I knew I needed to tell him the truth even though I had only just realized it myself ... like a half remembered dream. But how do I begin? Do I confess it all? And if I did, would he find me pathetic and deceitful? Or worse, unstable?
My love for him, my desire, was so powerful that all I had to do was wish ... and I was there .... in the library. I knew that he was an intellectual, an artist, a deep thinker, this fact coupled with the magic and the movement of the ether transported me there ... to the library ... and so it began.
The first time I saw him there he was standing amidst the bookcases. I stared at him long and hard until he felt my eyes upon him and when he looked up from the book in his hands, our eyes met. I quickly made like I was doing something else and that our eyes meeting was nothing more than an awkward fluke. You must understand ... I never expected him to respond. But, that first time gave me confidence and I knew that I could do it again. Some weeks went by and I once again transported myself to the library. He saw me again. The third time I did it, our eyes met and he held my stare a little longer. On it went. More and more trips and little by little, those quick glances became recognition, and then, familiarity until he finally gave me a shy smile and a nod of the head. I knew it was only a matter of time.
Up until the moment I'd shouted those ill-conceived words everything had been beautiful and exciting, but now he'd succumbed and I felt responsible and terrible all at the same time and I knew I had to tell him. But how? Do I tell him that I orchestrated it all along? I never dreamed he would respond to me! And when he did respond to me, I was merely under the same spell as he ... even though I'd conjured it! It hardly made sense to me! How could he possibly understand? Once I confessed he would hate me, understandably so, and I would lose him forever.
This parallel life we were living in was very complicated because everything felt so very real. If you were to ask him he would tell you the same. But none of that changes how I made it all happen and how he'd now view me forever more. And I was devastated.
(... to be continued)