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So Jada has this program (that I've never seen) but there are daily excerpts on various websites with the latest shocking news.  Today she told the entire world that she used to be a sex addict and that her grandmother taught her how to masturbate when she was 9.  Her GRANDMOTHER.  Oh ... and apparently her mother was a heroin addict for 20 years.  GOOD TO KNOW.  This information will now give me the tools I need to live my life effectively.  Thank you Jada.   

And you think you're f***ked up. 


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Lies, lies, lies yeah ...

Dan and I have been married for a hundred and fifty years so you would think that there is no reason to tell little white lies anymore, right?  NO.

The other day I saw him walking around wearing with these really funky shoes.  They were like lady's orthopedic sandals.  And I asked him ... "where'd you get those shoes?"

Dan:  "I've had them for a long time I've just never worn them."  (FYI -- THIS is a woman's standard lie). 

Me:  "Really?  When did you get them?"

Dan:  "I got them from Ebay a long time ago.  I only paid $40!"

Me:  "How come you've never worn them before?"

Dan:  "I actually forgot I had them."  

And all the time I'm thinking ... I've never seen those funky shoes in my life.

OK.  End of story.

Next day ...

I'm on the computer looking at my emails.  And what do I see?  I see an email from Ebay saying:  "Your new shoes were delivered YESTERDAY!" 

Mhmmmm, I say to myself.  Someo…


SO, recently California passed a law wherein we now have to use our own bags every time we go to the market or CVS or Rite-Aid, or wherever.  If you don't take your own bags you have to purchase one for 10 cents.  So if you buy a shitload of groceries, you're now going to have to pay an extra 40 or 50 or 60 cents on top of that .... to help the environment.  HOWEVER, here's the really smart part.  The bags they sell you are made of .... wait for it .... PLASTIC.  you know ... to help the environment.

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OH LOOK!  It's Mickey Mouse!

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