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It's true. I finally broke down and joined Weight Watchers on line. It has been one month (4 looooong weeks) and I have lost a grand total of 4 lbs and gained one back. I'm hungry all the time and keep asking myself "what's the point?!" Do I accept middle aged fatness as a fact of life? Do I fight it and starve for the rest of my life? It's all so depressing. I've decided to re-engage, re-commit and keep on trying. It all started with that damn Ambien and my eating at night unawares ... remember the carrot cake story? Yeah. Unemployed for two years, stressed about not working, not being able to find work, blah blah blah ... next stop: SERIOUS INSOMNIA. Go to doctor, prescribes Ambien. I sleep great but put on 30 lbs. UN-FUCKEN-BELIEVABLE. And it's not like I didn't know it ... but I didn't know it. One morning, I'm sitting on the bed in my underwear facing the mirror in the bathroom and I SAW MYSELF for the first time, really saw myself ... JABBA THE HUT was looking back at me. SERIOUSLY. You know when you think you're fat and then you get really fat and wish you were fat like before when you really weren't fat but thought you were? Yeah.

NEXT. The foot pain ... OY VAY THE PAIN. Went to the podiatrist a month ago because I have had serious heel pain for months. He took some x-rays and saw the problem ... a big assed heel spur. He shot me up with cortisone. That was weird. First they numb the area with this ice cold stuff, then inject you with Lidocaine which I felt going into my foot like liquid ... then after that he injects you with the Cortisone. A very weird feeling. In most cases the pain goes away instantaneously. NOT FOR MOI. I did as he instructed me to. Stayed off it the entire weekend. Did ice packs, didn't walk. Took care of myself. Within two weeks it was back. I have to wear my funky orthodics 24/7 and wear a splint at night because if I don't, I'll eventually need surgery. I don't want to have surgery on my foot but it hurts ALL THE TIME. So I went onto the Internet to find a "Good Feet" store. They sell special, SUPER EXPENSIVE shoes for messed up feet like mine. OMG. The ugliest shoes you've ever seen for $260 and up. Ridiculous.

So I think of my dad who is 81, walks with a cane, has a hearing aid, had a very serious surgery two years ago and every single time I ask him "how are you feeling Dad?" HE ALWAYS, ALWAYS says "real good. I feel real good mija." Poor daddy. So ... maybe acceptance is a huge part of aging well. I still really need to drop some pounds ... and I should walk to exercise ... even if my foot does hurt ... but I also think that maybe I should be a little nicer to myself too. It's harder to lose weight when you get older ... that's a fact and things start to hurt. When I was young I never, EVER thought about weight. Didn't have to. Now I do.
Oh well ...

My ultimate goal: TO BE HAPPY.


  1. Deb,
    Drag about your foot pain. Oh, Those salsa feet? good to get good shoes and or custom insoles. I have them for my shoes for when i run, walk...etc. It makes a world of differnce. While not all that beautiful, saving our feet is optimal.

    Life is a fight, and even though it seems like you're going to get knocked out, you must keep on fighting!

  2. Debbie

    For me the trick is to find things I really like to eat that don't have a ton of calories and simply eating less. I got my body used to eating more, but with my right knee problems I can't exercise the way I used to. So my lean days seem all but behind me. But still I keep trying to achieve a balance. To give up would condemn to Jabba the Huttness.

    Ah, aging. Gotta love it.

  3. Deb,
    Get the ugly, ridiculously expensive shoes; you will be surprised at how much of a difference they will make. I had to choose between cutesy nursing shoes for work, or hideous, yet comfortable, supportive, feet and leg saving nursing shoes for work... I went with the second option. Once I put the hardwood floor done in the house my feet and legs once again took a beating. The ugly nursing shoes weren't cuttin' it at home, so I tried Birkinstock's. You know, the ones you call my "dorky shoes"? I don't know how they work but they do. Member me telling you several months ago to try a pair????? Member me telling you a few weeks ago to try a pair??? Member me telling you about the comfortable shoe store in Whittier the other day???? Yeah, when you gonna listen to your baby sister, who is now 45 years old and, surprise-surprise, has actually managed to obtain some knowledge and life experience w/o anybody noticing??? Huh? Huh?? Heel Spurs HURT. A LOT. GET THE SHOES!
    Baby Seester-Friend :)

  4. Deb, I TOTALLY know what you're going through with the weight thing. Years ago if anyone had ever told me I'd weigh 140 lbs, I'd have been like, "GTFOH." (I just made that up--it stands for "Get the fuck outta here.")

    Seriously, it is much harder to lose weight the older we get, and the crazy thing is, we compare ourselves to high school girls. That's just loony!

    So sorry about the foot pain--that has to suck. Hope you're feeling a lot better by the time you get to Vegas. Tell me the dates again so I can mark my calendar--we are so going to party it up!

    Love you!

  5. Deb,
    I remember back in the day when you were so skinny. All we did was go out and dance and drink. Do you remember a place we use to go in Pico Rivera and it was a hang out when the clubs were not happening? It was the place that Troy from Troy tickets hung out and I smoked a cigar and got sick. They had a DJ and I can't remember the name of it.

    Any way I am morbidly obese and I have a sciatic nerve problem that goes from my hip down my leg and to my foot. It is the worse pain. My doctor took xrays and I have degenerative arthritis and curveture of the spine. Thank God I work from home. I am not going to let this get to me. I go to physical therapy 3 times a week. The last time I had this it lasted for 3 months. Hang in there. I am determined to lose the weight because I am sure all of this weight can't be good for my bones. I told my daughter when I lose all my weight we are going to go to a night club and dance like the good old days. You can join us. It will be fun. You can even wear your ugly shoes. I can't believe I use to live in heels. Hell now I can't even wear them.

    Getting old is such a bitch, but if I can prevent it in any way I will. I have a young face, but a very old body. :( Hopefully some day it will match my face! :)


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