Why is Kate Gosselin's Hair news?

I find it amazing how people get so much more attractive once they become t.v. stars. It's like they get shined and buffed and they literally glow with the sheen of fresh scrubbed beauty. Here we have Kate Gosselin with her new hair extensions (which are a couple thousand dollars a pop and she's constantly crying about not having any money) ... I just HAD to post some before and after pictures, if only to prove that regular people can look like movies stars too, if you F up your life enough ... someone is bound to come along and make you offers you can't refuse.

NOW, with the hair extensions she kinda looks like Sharon Stone huh. Let's take a trip down memory lane shall we ... it's almost hard to believe that this is the same person isn't it. I MEAN look at her! Dark mousy brown hair, you know she's had some work but can't put your finger on it ... a chin implant perhaps? Veneers on the teeth? And it's common knowledge that she had a free tummy tuck and those boobs of hers have been lifted. Oh, and we cannot forget the ever present tan, the glow of health and well being. And here she is - posing for pictures with her new look, longer flowing hair. HEY - where are her kids? Are they getting makeovers too? I wonder what will happen to Kate. Will she start dating a movie star? Someone like George Clooney perhaps? The man who has sworn off marriage and kids, but only to meet her he will find she's all he's been looking for. IT COULD HAPPEN. Anything could happen at this point. Look at Brad and Angelina. Their entire relationship is based on having and/or adopting kids ... which if you ask me, is beyond bizarro, but then I'M NOT A BUFFED and Shiny MOVIE STAR. I'm just a regular person, who, if I HOOKED up with the right people, could help me to look like a movie star too! But first I'd have to:

A. Adopt a couple of kids or have them by invitro fertilization (five or more at a time);

B. Make a sex tape with Ray J or with Tia Tequila;

C. Get arrested for shoplifting/selling drugs/or setting my girlfriend's hair on fire;

D. Have ANY kind of reality show where you let cameras into your home to observe every aspect of your life and personality so America can then pick sides and decide to either root for you or to wish you dead. Anyone of these basically insures success. You will make more money than you ever dreamed of and you will make that shift from reality personality to real personality .... get it. Somehow, someway, you will become legit.

And just an aside, did anyone happen to see the Guido's from The Jersey Shore on Jay Leno the other night? (Just for your info, Jersey Shore is yet another reality show which takes place on THE JERSEY SHORE with a bunch of Italian kids, or Guidos, as they like to call themselves) Jay did a parody of Jeopardy and three of the cast members were "contestants". Now, I never went to college and I'm hardly a scholar, but DAYUM!!!!!! These kids are UNBELIEVABLY STUPID!!!

Jay asks the question: When was the Declaration of Independence signed?

Guido: Ummmmmm, (then he recites this in order to help him remember that the Declaration of Independence was signed on JULY 4, 1776) .... in 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue ...?

AWWWW. NO. YOU FUCKING IDIOT.

P.S. This is "Snookie" from the Jersey Shore. I just had to put her picture on this post because HER LOOK is CLASSIC 1970's chola. GET YOUR OWN LOOK YOU STUPID GUIDOS! THIS ONE BELONGS TO US!!!! ORALE!

Okay. I'm done.