Tuesday, January 31, 2012


Consider these telling statistics from a handful of recent studies and surveys:
(My comments are in italics)

Managers said they spend, on average, 18 percent of the time dealing with staff conflict.
(Isn't that part of
their job description? MANAGING STAFF?)

Forty-three percent of employees said they've experienced incivility at work, according to the "Civility in America 2011" poll conducted by Weber Shandwick. A Baylor University study found office incivility not only stresses people out during their working hours but also serves as a significant source of strain and strife at home.
Now more than ever, it's critical to find ways to effectively deal with stress and conflict at work. Following are some tips:
Take rudeness for what it's worth.
Being on the receiving end of an unnecessarily sharp barb or inconsiderate brush-off can ruin your day. Why let it? Constructive criticism merits reflection; rudeness does not. So, don't overthink the situation. While you can't control how someone else treats you, you can limit how much it affects you. A person's poor manners or behavior says less about you than it does about him or her.
Or you can do it my way. Keep a box of very sharp pencils on hand and when someone decides to be an asshole simply stick said pencil into said idiot’s eye. He will stop harassing you immediately. Guaranteed.
Don't go it alone.
Opening up to supportive friends or family can be cathartic. Likewise, seeking the wisdom of a mentor or sharing work-related war stories with a trusted member of your network often yields valuable insights and new coping strategies.
Or you can do it my way.  Hire my old neighbor Louie who is an ex-con and will break anyone’s knees for a small fee. Very effective.
Rise above the fray.
Pessimism is contagious, and it's all too easy for chronic complainers to bring others down. Don't get caught up in the negativity. It's possible to keep tabs on office undercurrents without feeding the grapevine with additional gripes, groans or gossip. Displaying a toxic attitude doesn't solve anything, but it will likely make you look bad -- and feel worse.
Or, you can do what I do. Bake some cupcakes laced with Exlax and hand out to your more negative co-workers and then wait. Guaranteed for loads of laughs!
Give yourself a break.
You might believe you can't afford to take time off. But can you afford not to? Whether you jet off to a tropical island or do a "staycation," stepping away to recharge your batteries is healthy. Getting some distance and decompressing has a way of putting even your biggest workplace woes in perspective.
Finally, take an honest look at yourself. It's very easy to point fingers and identify others' annoying personality flaws. But what about your own? Try to be more mindful of how your bad habits, moods and behaviors might negatively impact co-workers.
Or you can just say what I say ... I don't have to take a look at myself because I am not the asshole.  YOU ARE.  HAVE A NICE DAY.  DICK WAD.   

Thursday, January 26, 2012


His smile has always knocked me out and now that voice!! I'm melting ... OMG, I AM SO IN LOVE WITH HIM!!!!

Tuesday, January 24, 2012


Well, I finally, finally got the chance to meet Linda Lou of Linda Lou Live From Las Vegas fame. Stand up comic, writer extraordinaire and author of "Bastard Husband, A Love Story" (don't you love that title) and just like she told me, she IS MUCH BETTER LOOKING IN PERSON! In the land of bloggers you often get to meet some pretty amazing people and Linda is one such person. We were originally going to meet a few months ago in Las Vegas but a medical emergency came up and I was unable to make it and I was soooooo disappointed because we've become friends on our blogs and I so wanted to meet her in person. Well, I was not disappointed. You know how you click right away with someone? I just loved her right off the bat. She is funny and smart, and FUNNY and a real GIRL'S girl. We sat at the bar and immediately started yapping like we'd known each other forever. We talked husbands, families, work, the whole gamut. And I love the fact that she's an impatient, pain in the ass ("it's too hot/it's too cold/I don't want to sit there!") kinda gal JUST LIKE ME! We had a really, really nice visit but much too short.

The crazy thing is I DIDN'T TAKE A PICTURE - UGH! I don't know what the hell I was thinking! But, if you jump on over to her blog ("Linda Lou Live From Las Vegas) she posted one. I'm the fat girl with the mud brown hair and she's the cute one with the dimples.

LOVE to all ...

Mrs. Mortensen


Viggo did not get nominated for an Academy Award!!! What's wrong with those people!!

I'm really upset. Seriously.

Monday, January 23, 2012


As you may know from having read my Golden Globes Best and Worst ... I hate Madonna (p.s. her gown looked like a computer chip). She's been doing a lot of press lately because she has a movie coming out which she apparently wrote and directed called "W.E." and is about the romance between Edward VIII, the man who would be King of England who gave up the throne for his lady love, Wallis Simpson, a twice divorced American. In 1937 it was BIG NEWS and ROCKED THE WORLD. Sort of like if Madonna married Prince William.

Anyway, Madge was being interviewed by Cynthia McFadden on 20/20 the other night and Cynthia told her Highness that all their viewers were dying to know ... what did Madonna think of Lady Gaga? Madonna raised her eyebrow ... took a dainty little sip from her dainty little teacup and in that lovely, quasi-British accent said "I find her reductive", and then, realizing that all us little people out here in t.v. land don't understand big words said "look it up".

Reductive: Noun. A form of an original resulting from a reducing process, such as a copy on a smaller scale.

Mhmmmm ... Me thinks someone is a wee bit jealous and needs to be bitch slapped.

Jealous: Adjective.

1. Feeling resentment against someone because of that person's rivalry, success, or advantages (often followed by): He was jealous of his rich brother.

2. Characterized by or proceeding from suspicious fears or envious resentment.

Madge, remember when you were riding the Brittney train? Doing music videos, etc. SO YOU COULD STAY RELEVANT AND IN THE PUBLIC EYE? Hon, you and I are the same age. Yes you're an Icon but you are also a mean old bitch and unfortunately time moves on, new talent surfaces and someone else becomes the NEXT BIG THING. Old farts gotta know how to gracefully take a step back. Madonna ... STEP BACK. You will always be Madonna and you will always have hordes of gay boys who adore you. BE NICE FOR A CHANGE.


Ima Hater.

Check Spelling

Thursday, January 19, 2012


I was on a friend's Facebook page today wherein she was lamenting the fact that she is middle aged and has not accomplished anything in her life that is noteworthy. I understand. And though I did remind her of her very many accomplishments, one being that she raised 5, yes FIVE, children, which if it were up to me there would be a yearly award show complete with T.V. coverage of red carpet arrivals, $5,000 gowns and statuettes to honor all hardworking NORMAL, REGULAR gals who do not get a rouse of applause every time they step off the elevator and arrive at work. She has my empathy, my admiration, and my respect. I think most people feel the pangs of what ifs upon reaching midlife. When we are young we all want to do something noteworthy and important. We want recognition, respect, money, position, status, honor, praise, importance. Some of us get it in spades, some not so much. Most of us will live lives that are just ordinary. Most of us will not grow up to do great things ... at least not by what the world considers great. Worrying about the future and regretting the past makes the present joyless.

of you who read my blog know that I am out of work for the second time in the last three years. I don't know why this happened again. But, I can't change it and I have no power over the future. All one can do is keep moving forward and try not to lose hope. There is a reason for everything BUT what sucks about that is that it's usually easier to accept this when you've moved beyond your sorry circumstances and can look back on the period of trial with a new pair of eyes. My friend, who I know has great strength, a heart full of love and humor, and the ability to endure, is far more amazing than she realizes. I won't reveal her identify because I want to honor her privacy and beside that, she might kill me, but girlfriend ... from me to you ... you are AMAZING.

Since the year ONE people have searched for meaning. There is nothing new under the sun. Everything old is new again. Struggles come and go FOREVER until we die. But in the words of the amazing Stevie Wonder ... EVERY LIFE HAS MEANING.


Sunday, January 15, 2012


OK. So right off the bat I was pissed. Viggo did not win for Best Supporting Actor. They gave it to that old prune Christopher Plummer. Yeah, he's a great actor and all but let's call it like it is, he's a Brit and he's old so they gave him Viggo's award and I don't like it. So there.

And Viggo, my love, a tux with a navy blue and red striped tie??? YOU NEED ME. SERIOUSLY.

You know, I love Meryl Streep as much as the next person but does she have to win EVERYTHING?! How many frickin awards does she have already jeez. Give someone else a chance. When I was in high school the same girl got nominated every single year for homecoming princess so why the hell nominate anyone else? And not because she won for the bazillionth time but because I have too:

Grade: F- She looks like a cowgirl ... all that's missing is the hat and the cowboy boots.

Georgeous George Clooney and his new lady. Sweet. I hope she's saving her money and eyes
a nice property she'd like to spend the rest of her days in when he moves on. Don't get me wrong, I love me some George Clooney but ... I'm just saying.

Grade: A (because he's Hollywood Royalty .... but he really, really needs to call Amy Ferris, the brilliant writer and playwrite of
Marrying George Clooney. Come on George ... you want to ... you know you do.

I love love love Diane Lane! Her gown was reminiscent of old Hollywood glamour, very 1930's. Loved the hair, loved the curls, loved it all. She and her husband, Josh Brolin, make a very handsome couple. And p.s. .... she had movie sex with Viggo in a waterfall. YOWZA) I keep telling you guys to rent "A Walk on the Moon".

Sofia Vergara. VA-VA-VOOM! This was a beautiful gown but I think she should have done something with her more with her hair. It just hung there. Jewels - perfect; dress - gorgeous; hair - spaghetti. This color was quite popular this year. Several ladies had this teal blue. Beautiful.

Grade: A-
(for boring hair)

NEXT ... Emma Stone.

This was the ugliest combination of color and fabric I've seen since Toni Collete's ugly rag during last year's award season. What is it? It's black and maroon with red and purple and a black leather belt with an eagle on it. It looks like a stomach ache. Color - bad, shoes - bad, dress - bad, overall look - bad.

Grade: F-

The very beautiful Evan Rachel Wood .... this girl is so talented. A really gifted actress but I don't know. That dress ... all I kept thinking about were Mallards and duck feathers. That dark green, feathery, sequincey, blackish, greenish color reminded me of a swamp thing. Color is a big thing with me and I don't really dig green.

Grade: C

Elle McPheson. I hate this broad. What is she now ... 52? As for her Golden Globe look, bland, bland and bland. Boring hair, boring dress, no color or bling or glam. W
hen asked by hostess Giulianna Rancic "What do you do to look so great?!" Elle said "Laugh a lot, drink lots of water, be happy."

Grade: F- to the 10th degree (because you're a liar and need to be bitch slapped).

Moving on ...

Angelina Jolie. Red and white satin? My Barbie had a dress just like this in 1962. Here's the thing with Angelina. She is broad shouldered with super skinny arms and legs and big knockers. That does not make a good body in my estimation, but then I'm a broad so what do I know. This does nothing for me and as far as I'm concerned it's a big ol fashion flop. All that's missing is the white fur stole around the shoulders. Everyone was gushing over how beautiful and stunning she looked ... Me? NOT.

... and p.s. doesn't that tat on her arm look like bar code?
Grade: F-

Miss Charlize Theron. Beautiful woman but I'm kinda not feeling this gown. Very haute couture but I don't know. It doesn't wow me for some reason.

Grade: C

Next ...
Jessica Alba. This woman ALWAYS nails it. This gown was absolutely beautiful. It was a gorgeous lavendar shade with gold sparkly overlay. Her skin looked buffed and shiny and I hate her cause she's so beautiful. Hair - could have been a little sexier, dress - gorgeous, jewels - perfect, bag - perfect.

Grade: A+

The AMAZING Helen Mirren. I LOVE HER!!!!
The Dress, GORGEOUS, the hair GORGEOUS, the makeup GORGEOUS. The whole look GORGEOUS.

Grade: A+ and a circle snap!

Kate Beckinsale. OMG. I have always thought this girl is so beautiful. STUNNING. Loved the gown, loved the hair, loved the jewels, loved everything.

Grade: A+ to the positive of 10.

Julianne Moore. This dress was beautiful. I loved the cut and shape. Basic black. I think she did a great job compared to last year when she wore that horrible wrinkly one sleeve pink mess. A big improvement.

Grade: B+

Kelly Osborne. What's with the gun metal colored grey hair? All pulled back in a tight bun ... it makes her look like very chic 55 year old woman ... and she's not even 30! Hate the dress. No jewles, no earrings, no bling. The shoulders of that gown look like those of a Filipina princess and the puddle skirt looks very Elvira.

Grade: F-

Madonna. Everyone I know knows I hate Madonna but, she is rockin' this dress. However, I only like the top. Am not feeling those dark greenish squares that start at the hip and then continue down the rest of the skirt. And I don't really dig those funky gloves she wore. Liked the cross necklace and the hair was good. But in all honesty ....

Grade: D-

Lea Michelle. This was a beautiful gown but perhaps a bit too mature for such a young girl. Not much else to comment on. Looks kind of pageant-ish.

Grade: C ...

Nicole Kidman. I LOVED THIS GOWN. I thought she looked fabulous. Hair, perfect, dress, perfect, overall look, PERFECT.

Grade: A+

Viola Davis. HOME RUN. Gorgeous color, gorgeous hair, gorgeous makeup. GORGEOUS.

Grade: A

Tilda Swinton. I LOVE this gal's androgynous and cutting edge hip style. And she's a phenomenal actress. Loved the ice blue shade and really dug the hair.

Grade: A

Well folks, that's it for this year's Golden Globes Best and Worst of 2012. Hope you enjoyed it. Feel free to tell me what you think! Until Feburary ... OSCAR TIME! Au Revoir!


Thursday, January 12, 2012


We're connected. I dream, jeep, riding, Malibu. He wants me. I remember Danny ... in my dream ... shit.

That day he gets nominated for a Golden Globe. Thank you Viggo.

Wednesday, January 11, 2012


The Golden Globes will air this weekend, Sunday, January 15 and I will be doing my yearly BEST and WORST comments and pics. Don't forget that my boyfriend has been nominated in the Best Supporting Actor category for his BRILLIANT performance as Sigmund Freud in David Cronenberg's "A Dangerous Method."

This is the list of nominees in his category:








Just think ... he and I will be in the same state, county and city AT THE SAME TIME. *SIGH*

SO ... let's send Viggo all our most positive energies into the ether for a well deserved win!!!!


Friday, January 6, 2012


Did you all know that Mitt's father was born in Chihuahua, Mexico!?!?!? Just think, Mitt's relatives singing "Volver Volver". Check out the article below:

Mitt Romney's 'Mexican roots': 4 talking points

The all-American GOP candidate has plenty of relatives — and history — south of the border

Mitt Romney has familial history in Mexico that at one point threatened his father's 1968 run for president.

Mitt Romney has familial history in Mexico that at one point threatened his father's 1968 run for president. Photo: John Moore/Getty Images SEE ALL 48 PHOTOS

Best Opinion: Washington Post

Former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney is well known for his carefully crafted all-American image. But the frontrunner in the race for the Republican presidential nomination has a more complicated family history, says Nick Miroff in The Washington Post, with deep and enduring roots south of the border. Here, four little-known details about Romney's "Mexican roots":

1. The Romneys fled the U.S. to Mexico
Mitt Romney's great-grandfather, Miles Park Romney, was born in a Mormon colony in Nauvoo, Ill., in 1843. The Mormon church's founder, Joseph Smith, was killed by a mob a year later, and the Romneys and other Mormons fled, following Brigham Young across the Great Plains and the Rockies to settle in the Salt Lake Valley. Like many 19th century Mormons, Miles Park Romney was later hounded by federal marshals enforcing anti-polygamy laws. He had four wives and 30 children, and the 1882 Edmunds Act stripped polygamists of many basic citizenship rights, including the right to vote. Miles Park Romney was jailed once, and his property confiscated. In 1885, he fled south into Mexico, and settled in the Chihuahua desert on the banks of the Piedras Verdes River.

2. Romney's father was born in Mexico
The candidate's late father, two-term Michigan Gov. George Romney, was born in a Mormon colony in Mexico in 1907. George Romney's parents were U.S. citizens, so he was, too. George Romney would later serve as Michigan's governor and U.S. secretary of Housing and Urban Development, and ran for president in 1968. Some questioned whether his birth in Mexico made him ineligible for the presidency, but it became irrelevant when Richard Nixon knocked George Romney out of the race with a string of primary victories.

3. And then the Romneys fled back to the U.S.
The Mexican Revolution broke out in 1910, three years after Mitt Romney's father, George, was born. Gaskell Romney — Mitt's grandfather, George's father — put the family on a train for El Paso. When the dust settled, one-third of the Mormons who had left Mexico returned, but Gaskell Romney and his immediate family stayed in the U.S.

4. But some of Romney's relatives still live in Mexico
Three dozen Romneys still live in Colonia Juarez, the Mormon colony in northern Mexico that the candidate's great-grandfather helped establish. They speak English and Spanish with equal fluency. One, a 70-year-old rancher, was once briefly held by a gang of ransom-seeking kidnappers. Most of the Mexican Romneys disagree with their distant relative's hardline stance on illegal immigrants from Mexico, but — even though they have never met him — support his presidential bid, and could vote for Romney via absentee ballot. Because these Mexican Romneys' parents retained U.S. citizenship, they have it, too.

Read the entire article in The Washington Post.

Okay, I wonder why this is the first I've heard of this. Mitt is half Mexican??? He still has familia living in Mexico??? WTF? Orale pues!

Comments anyone? This is too good not to comment on!

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

IOWA ... these freakin' people

Are you calling Mitt Romney a liar?

Newt: "YES." (Mitt's a liar? I'd like to speak to your previous wives Mr. Gingrich).

Bachmann has decided "to stand aside" ...
THANK GOD. Now, why don't you go and adopt some kids or something.

"I don't want to make black people's lives better by giving them somebody else's money; I want to give them the opportunity to go out and earn the money."

Gotta love him ... bless his pointed head.

I spent my whole life in the private sector, 25 years in the private sector. I understand that when government takes more money out of the hand
s of people, it makes it more difficult for them to buy things. If they can't buy things, the economy doesn't grow. If the economy doesn't grow, we don't put Americans to work.

-- Mitt Romney

Awww, yeah.

-- Debbie

Stupid Republicans ... they're hopeless.