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Let's begin with our hosts.

Giuliana Rancic - looked absolutely ravishing for a cadaver.  Where did she get this thing?  At the mall?  It looks very 1980's to me, tacky, tacky, tacky with way too much going on ... ruffles and netting and applique and a belt and sparkles.  Jeez I'm getting nauseated.  Grade:  F-
Kelly Osbourne

Kelly Osbourne and her lavender hair are getting really old, but I loved her gown!  It harkened back to the 1950's, very Ava Gardner.  Beautiful black lace sleeves with a boatneck neckline and I LOVED the folds of the skirt.  I usually don't go for the short/long hemline but on this particular gown it worked.  The gown gets an "A" but her hair gets an "F" giving Kelly a solid "C".  I also think she should stop using that maroon colored red lipstick.  Ick.  But because I love the dress so much I'm going to be generous and give Kelly a B+
Patricia Arquette in black and white looking quite beautiful.  I've always said you can never go wrong with black and white.  However, if the dress were strapless without that shoulder side thing it would have looked amazing.  Her hair was basically a mess.  It looks as though she pinned it up last minute haphazard and it shows.  She also could have used a little more bling.  A pair of chandelier earrings would have made the outfit a lot more Oscar worthy.  Grade:  C
Anna Kendrick ...

Anna Kendrick in a beautiful salmon colored gown with a diamond collar.  Very pretty.  However, Anna has no upper lip and I think investing in a little Juvaderm on that top lip would make a great improvement.  Other than that ...  Grade:  B+

Cate Blanchett ...

This woman can do no wrong in my eyes.  I love this simple, elegant black gown with the turquoise statement necklace.  Love it.  Grade:  A
Julianne Moore ...

Julianne Moore.  This gown was beautiful and she looked beautiful in it.  Her makeup and hair -- perfection!  She is SO BEAUTIFUL.  Grade:  A+

Kerry Washington ...

Where the hell did she get this?  David's Bridal?  Cheap-o. 
Grade:  F-

Emma Stone ...

Gorge!  Not many people can wear this chartreuse color but Emma pulls it off beautifully.  Her hair and makeup -- perfection.  Nothing more to add to this ... Grade:  A+ WINNER WINNER WINNER!!

Melanie Griffith and Dakota Johnson ...

Dakota looks very pretty in red with silver embellishment on the arm.  Love her pony ... she looks young and fresh, very sweet.  Melanie is the same size as Dakota (bitch) and looks like a vampire with blonde hair.  Actually, Melanie looks pretty damn good.  I'm giving both of them the same Grade:  A.

Jennifer Lopez ...

What can I say ... the bitch always brings it.  Looks fabulous - Grade:  A

Rosamund Pike ...

PERFECTION!  This woman is the epitome of feminine elegance.  There is something so ethereal and beautiful about her.  Gorgeous in red!  Grade:  A+  WINNER WINNER WINNER!!!!

Lady Gaga ...

She looks like a nun from the future.  All that's missing is the veil and crucifix. 

Grade:  F
and p.s. can the girl sing or what?!  That tribute to Julie Andrews and Sound of Music was amazing.  Did you hear that Madonna?

Gwyneth Paltrow ...

Much as I hate to, I have to say that she looks really pretty.  I like the dress, even that flower on the shoulder and I love that shade of pink (she's been wearing lots of pink lately but at least this isn't that Pepto Bismol pink)
Grade:  A+

You know, I just want to say that almost everyone looked really good and it's was kind of hard to find someone to pick on but I did my best.

Here we have Blanca Blanco (yeah ... her name in English is White White) ...

The dress looks as though it was constructed of paper mache.  Grade:  F-
Faith Hill ...
She looks quite beautiful.  Love the gown and her diamond necklace.  Not really feeling her shorter hair ... mainly because she has those kind of ears that stick out.  Ears that stick out are never attractive.  She should consider getting those things pinned back.  Just sayin'.  Grade:  A
Christy Tiegren ...

This is a beautiful gown but that slit is WAY too high.  You can almost see her cooch.  And another thing, I do not find this girl pretty at all.  I know she's a model and all, but I find her face is too round and her cheekbones are gigantic.  Grade:  B-
Margot Robbie ...
GORGEOUS!!! OMG this for me was the best dress of the evening.  KILLER!  The girl is beautiful, her makeup is perfection, hair - perfection and that necklace is incredible.  Grade:  A+++ WINNER WINNER WINNER!!!
Marion Cotillard ...


I loved this gown.  I loved the bunting and black strip in the back, her hair and makeup was yes ... perfection.  Grade:  A+++ 

I don't know who this gal is but she looks like Tilda Swinton, Jr.  I put her here because I wanted you all to see her shoes.  They look like they're melting.  I'll give her an A for weirdness. 

Oprah Winfrey ...

This photo alone proves the magic of a well made dress.  Oprah is a big woman and the right designer can make anyone look incredibly elegant EVEN WITH BELT!  Gotta say that Oprah looks fab.  Grade:  A
Felicity Huffman ...

This dress was ok.  I liked it.  I especially Loved the color but wasn't feeling the bows at the hips.  It almost looked like a wedding dress from the 1980's.  However, she looked very pretty.  Grade:  B+
I don't know who this girl is but I loved this gown.  Beautiful. 

 Reese Witherspoon ...

Reese needs to pull it together or hire another stylist.  Why you ask?  THIS is why ...

Reese wore this in 2013

And this one in 2011

They're all basically the SAME DRESS.  WHAT'S WITH THE STRIPES???

Naomie Watts ...

I don't know.  The fabric is basically a brick wall in black and silver and hen she has a tube top underneath????  What do you all think?

Loreli Linklater ...

There's a lot going on here.  And couldn't she have done something with her hair?  Forgive me, but she kind of reminds me of the whorry girl you knew in high school cir. 1970.  Grade:  C+

Sienna Miller ....

I think Sienna Miller is so beautiful.  I loved this dress - very Audrey Hepburn.  Not a lot of bling but I still think she looked elegant.  Grade:  B+

Zoe Saldana ...

WOW... Zoe looked quite sexy and womanly.  After giving birth to twins she's much curvier and luscious.  I loved her gown and thought she looked really beautiful.  Grade:  A
Lupita Nyong'o ...
At first I loved it, but then I wasn't sure.  It had TONS of pearls and looked beautiful against her skin.  I don't know ... still undecided.  She is incredibly chic and almost always owns the Red Carpet.  I'm going to give her a B.  What do you think?

Scarlett Johanssen ...

The hair was terrible, the necklace was terrible but the dress was quite beautiful, even though I hate that shade of green.  She should have scrapped the necklace and done something with her hair.  Grade:  D-
p.s.  Girls, look at the tat on her arm.  TACKY.  DO NOT GET INK.  It makes a beautiful woman look cheap.  
Well ladies and germs ... that's it for 2015.  I must say that I was terribly disappointed that Michael Keaton did not win for Best Actor.  Maybe next time.
Until next year .... SMOOCHES!


For more hysterically funny comments go to my fellow blogger's website.


  1. I think that when women dress up too much that their real beauty goes away. Dakota is stunning.

  2. As always, you nailed it, girlfriend! You're the best part of awards season!

  3. My thoughts here:

  4. I think you nailed it except I like Lady Gaga's Alaïa gown.


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Well, for some unknown reason I was unable to get E! Live on the Red Carpet!  I called the cable company, I unplugged the t.v. to reboot it ... NOTHING.  SO, I had to go with Channel 7's coverage which is NOT NEARLY AS IN DEPTH as E!  Needless to say Mama was pissed. 

So, with that in mind ... let's get started!

Alicia Vikander.  Beautiful!  She looks very young and sweet and elegant.  Love the color of this gown .... Grade:  A

Jennifer Lawrence.  BEAUTIFUL!  Love the hair, love the make up, love the the gown.  WINNER WINNER WINNER!!!  Grade:  A++

Brie Larson.  I'm not really feeling this gown.  The color is beautiful but the belt and the bling and the ruffles and the pleats ... there's a lot going on here.  Grade:  C

Nice guy Dave Grohl and wife.  Class Couple!  Love her dress and earrings ... very pretty. Dave .... it's the ACADEMY AWARDS .... a traditional tux would have worked much better and you would have looked SO HANDSOME.  Wife Grade:  A, Dave's Grade:…