WHEN YOU'RE TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT BY EATING HEALTHY AND EXERCISING AND YOUR HUSBAND ALWAYS, ALWAYS EATS YOUR CEREAL ...

So ... week number two (or three, hell I don't know) ... I get home from work, late as usual.  Because I'm dieting I decide "I know ... I'll have a bowl of cereal for dinner!" (insert happy face).  I had a big salad for lunch and I wasn't terribly hungry so I figured cereal would work.  Danny was already home from the gym (he can do this you see, because he has a wife who cooks and cleans and removes the oily urine stains from the toilet bowl) and I don't have a wife so I have to fit MY workouts in between laundry, cooking, cleaning, dusting, vacuuming, shopping, etc., et al. my life my life, omg my life.  I go upstairs to take a shower because I'm beat.

After my relaxing shower I descend the stairs, looking forward to my bowl of cereal.  As I'm almost all the way down I see Dan.  He sees me.  And at the same exact moment our eyes lock, faster than a bat outta hell he throws the cereal box on the floor between the sofa and the coffee table, hoping against hope that I have not seen him THROWING MY CEREAL BOX ON THE FLOOR.   He looks at me.  Mouth mid-chew.  He doesn't move.  Like a bird caught in the cross-hairs of a cats menacing stare.  He is STILL.  QUIET.  LOOKING AT ME.  Waiting.  I look at him.  Eyes narrowed.  Time stands still.  A minute passes.  Then ...

Dan:  "What?" (crunch).