Skip to main content

WHEN YOU'RE TRYING TO LOSE WEIGHT BY EATING HEALTHY AND EXERCISING AND YOUR HUSBAND ALWAYS, ALWAYS EATS YOUR CEREAL ...

So ... week number two (or three, hell I don't know) ... I get home from work, late as usual.  Because I'm dieting I decide "I know ... I'll have a bowl of cereal for dinner!" (insert happy face).  I had a big salad for lunch and I wasn't terribly hungry so I figured cereal would work.  Danny was already home from the gym (he can do this you see, because he has a wife who cooks and cleans and removes the oily urine stains from the toilet bowl) and I don't have a wife so I have to fit MY workouts in between laundry, cooking, cleaning, dusting, vacuuming, shopping, etc., et al. my life my life, omg my life.  I go upstairs to take a shower because I'm beat.

After my relaxing shower I descend the stairs, looking forward to my bowl of cereal.  As I'm almost all the way down I see Dan.  He sees me.  And at the same exact moment our eyes lock, faster than a bat outta hell he throws the cereal box on the floor between the sofa and the coffee table, hoping against hope that I have not seen him THROWING MY CEREAL BOX ON THE FLOOR.   He looks at me.  Mouth mid-chew.  He doesn't move.  Like a bird caught in the cross-hairs of a cats menacing stare.  He is STILL.  QUIET.  LOOKING AT ME.  Waiting.  I look at him.  Eyes narrowed.  Time stands still.  A minute passes.  Then ...

Dan:  "What?" (crunch).







Comments

Post a Comment

GO ON, TELL ME WHAT YOU REALLY THINK ...

Popular posts from this blog

CALIFORNIA ...

SO, recently California passed a law wherein we now have to use our own bags every time we go to the market or CVS or Rite-Aid, or wherever.  If you don't take your own bags you have to purchase one for 10 cents.  So if you buy a shitload of groceries, you're now going to have to pay an extra 40 or 50 or 60 cents on top of that .... to help the environment.  HOWEVER, here's the really smart part.  The bags they sell you are made of .... wait for it .... PLASTIC.  you know ... to help the environment.

If you're smart like I am, you've already purchased plenty of bags with handles made out of something (not plastic) but sturdy and reusable.  I have them in my car.  And every time I go to the market or CVS or Rite-Aid I completely forget to take them into the store with me, ergo, I end up purchasing MORE PLASTIC BAGS.  California.  Why people want to come here I have no idea. 



RHOBH ....

Holy Moly Guacamole Batman what the hell happened on RHOBH last night?!  Erika (“Jayne”) Girardi lost her shit!  I mean, she actually SHED TEARS.  Now I gotta say that she is one of my favorite housewives.She’s a straight forward-no bull-shit kinda gal and I like that, but apparently the “panty-gate” situation bothered her much more than she originally let on.  

If you recall, a while back at a housewives get-together with the husbands, Erika showed up sans underwear.  As fate would have it, Dorit’s husband P.K. (what the hell kinda name is that?) was seated in direct view of said bare crotch and stared at it all night long (PERV).  If that were my husband his pee-pee would have been severed, filleted and roasting on the patio BBQ.  But I digress.  
So this became THEE topic of conversation ALL SEASON.  Well, in order to bring a peace offering of sorts and little levity to the situation, a few weeks later Dorit purchased a pair of sexy, lacy panties for Erika and told her t…

NATURALLY ...

CONGRATULATIONS VIGGO on your Third Oscar Nomination!!!