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THE HOUSEWIVES OF BEVERLY HILLS ...

So after the sit-down with Brandi and Scheana, we learn that Eddie Cibrian was a lying sack of shit and has basically screwed himself out of EVER having any future illicit sexual liaisons ... at least not with anybody who has a brain .. but then again he probably doesn't want somebody with a brain.  Oh whatever ... he's an ass-hole no matter what, and his ex-wife Brandi, and ex-mistress Scheana, are better off without this miserable excuse for a man.  It never ceases to amaze me the lengths a dirt bag like Eddie will go through to get a piece of a**.  He actually knew the girlfriend's mother!  Told the girlfriend he loved her!  And told his WIFE his weekend trips were guy trips!  If I were your mother I'd never speak to your pathetic ass again -- I'd be so ashamed that I'd raised a little pussy like you.  UGH.


Poor Leanne.  I hope she's paying attention.  But you know she's young and still in that delusional stage where she believes that SHE'S going to be the ONE to CHANGE him and make him a FAITHFUL, COMMITTED husband, etc., et. al. ... NOT.


Meanwhile, musical genius David Foster got some camera time and went on and on about his wife (new Housewife Yolanda), and what a great woman she is ...  and how she loves to cook, and she loves to take care of him, and because of her, he doesn't have to worry about mundane things because she's so fabulous ... blah blah blah.  THAT'S WHY WIVES WERE INVENTED YOU ASS WIPE!  So someone could cook and clean and blow you while you create your musical masterpieces and then feed your enormous ego.  Thank God I'm a feminist ... unfortunately, I'm married to a Neanderthal.


So Kyle gives a dinner party for the ladies and invites her girlfriend, Faye Resnick (who is DESPERATELY trying to get a regular gig on the Housewives) ... Well, Miss Faye decides to give Brandi a "talking-to" and inform her of all her personal character flaws.  Who the HELL is Faye Resnick to get all high and mighty with my girl Brandi?!  She doesn't even KNOW Brandi!  She feels perfectly okay lecturing Brandi (in the most lady like of ways of course ... with her pinkie in the air) and then she tells everyone at the table that she cannot stand "a liar."  (HOLD UP MIRROR HERE).

Personally, I don't know how Kyle can trust that Ho.  Remember the O.J. Trial?  She was the skank who wrote a book about her "murdered best-friend" Nicole Brown Simpson, and then told the entire fucken world that they had a lesbian liaison.  NICE. 

I'm getting sick.  I'm gonna go make dinner now.

Comments

  1. Eddie's a dick.
    LeAnn's a dick, too, because she was married when she started f***ing a married man.
    Faye's a dick because she'll do anything to stay, well, BECOME, relevant.

    ReplyDelete
  2. I love when you rant!
    ma ma makes me happy!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love that you love my rants. Makes me feel less psychotic :)

      Delete
  3. stop on by, you will see I have your blog on my reading list. Never miss it!



    http://rjacobpost.blogspot.com/

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU!!!!!!

      Delete
  4. If my next husband buys me a $6m house in Malibu I’ll take care of the mundane stuff too. Faye is a media whore and Eddie is a douche.

    ReplyDelete

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YET ANOTHER ADVENTURE ... YES, IN DANNYLAND ...

So, after my husband told me that I was mean to him I decided to make him his favorite dinner.  Roasted chicken, Stove Top stuffing and corn.  Hearty comfort food.  As you all know, our rule is -- whoever cooks, the other does the dishes.  

After enjoying our meal, and good night of TV, we headed upstairs to bed, BUT ... Danny remained downstairs, went into the kitchen and started doing the dishes!  As I relaxed in bed and heard him clanging the dishes as he did them I almost felt bad for him and contemplated telling him to forget the dishes ... do them tomorrow.  But I didn't.  I felt I had to stick to my guns.  

That morning, Danny was planning to spend the day with a friend at a racquetball tournament.  I was still sleeping as he kissed me good-bye.  I told him to have a good time and thanked him for doing the dishes last night.

When I woke up, THIS is what I found in my sink.  

I only wished I'd taken the picture before all the suds went away.  THIS is how Danny does dishes.  …

DANNYLAND ...

Danny has this disgusting habit of brushing his teeth and then rinsing his toothbrush and leaving it ALL WET in the toothbrush thing.  (See photo below.  A roll of toilet paper he sets on the counter like a cup and then sticks his toothbrush in the middle of it) ... what a genius huh?

The point?  Adisgusting, wet toothbrush will collect bacteria and mosquitoes and it's disgusting and filthy.  It drives me crazy.  Does he stop?  NO.  


What you're supposed to do is brush, rinse with HOT water and then DRY THE BRUSH THOROUGHLY ... THEN put it in the toothbrush thing.  IT'S NOT THAT HARD.

And how hard is it to take the yogurt OUT of the plastic bag?


God forbid he break a sweat. 

 Also, he never EVER closes a drawer, a cabinet, or a door ... EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Don't you HATE when your husband makes hamburgers ...




*sigh* ... my life.

HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

An Ode to Viggo
Who knows where or when my love for you began it took me by surprise and filled up my whole life
Some laughed and called me mad but I knew that was sad for love cannot be mocked and Viggo, my world rocked
I've seen his every film, his songs, his poems and still I love him more each day and that's how it will stay  for in my dreams he lives
Each step through ether's door we meet forever more and so shall it remain until my life should wane
- Signed Debbie Nunez Mortensen :) (yes, I know I'm weird)