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GOLDEN GLOBES BEST AND WORST 2013

First of all ... can I just say that I'm tired of the messy side bun and the Veronica Lake side part that everybody and their brother had.  Ok, down to biz.  Truthfully, almost everyone looked really good.  However, there were a few who seriously need to get themselves a stylist.  They are the following:  

Alyssa Milano ...



What is this scrambled egg yellow, wrinkly dress with turquoise earrings and a BLACK clutch ????  The dress is way too long and her hair looked all greasy and unwashed.  Honey, I know you're a new mom and all but get it together.  You look TERRIBLE.  Grade:  F-

Hostess Giuliana Rancic ...



WHAT IS THIS?  Black velvet and beige with a choker and sleeves and peek-a-boo sleeves????  All that was missing was the parasol ... she looked like a Victorian hooker.  The hairband with the diamond thing was pretty but she seriously has that anorexic look to her, know what I mean?  The hollowed out cheeks and doe eyes ... there is just too much shit going on here.  She could use some highlights in her hair and not have pulled it back so tight (turning Japanese I think I'm turning Japanese I really think so ...)  FYI ... do NOT wear maroon colored lipstick.  Your lips at too thin.  Grade:  F



Kelly Osborne ...



LOSE THE FUCKEN LAVENDER HAIR UGH ... and invest in some tattoo removal. Grade:  F-

Julianne Hough ...



ABSOLUTELY stunningly gorgeous.  Very elegant, yet edgy - WOW.  Makeup and hair  gorgeous.  Perfection!  Grade:  A+ to the nth degree.  WINNER WINNER WINNER WINNER!

Katherine McPhee ...



I thought this was so SEXEEEEE!  GORGEOUS!  Love the hair, love the dress, love the shoes!  This is a real winner.
Grade:  A+ with a circle and a snap!

Sexy Daniel Craig and wife Rachel Weiss ...



He looks FANTASTIC.  Her dress looks like it wasn't finished.  I like the sheer part at the top but the bottom looks stupid.  And see ... Veronica Lake side part (eyes rolling) ... Grade:  
Top of dress:  B-    
Bottom of dress:  F   
For an overall Grade of:  D-

Jessica Chastain ...


This was actually a beautiful gown BUT she should have put a couple of cantaloupes in the bodice.  The fabric bagged out too much and made the gown look like it didn't fit.  Again, I HATE that dark red lipstick.  She should have gone smokey on the eyes and light on the lips.  The only one who can really get away with that deep red lip is a brunette ... and some blondes.  But not Jessica Chastain.  And her eyebrows are invisible.  Grade:  D for improper fit.

Taylor Swift ...


She looked gorgeous.  This is the first time I've seen her look so grown up.  Gorgeous color sort of a deep eggplant.  Beautiful neckline.  Very sweet.  Loved it.  Grade:  A

Jodie Foster ...



Jodie Foster ALWAYS looks elegant and classy.  Love the gown, love the neckline, love the color, love the hair.  But GURL .... WTF were you talking about?!  You're gay but you're not but you want privacy but you're making an announcement but you've already come out but you haven't ...Jodie ... it's okay ... relax. 

Olivia Munn ...



I thought this was beautiful.  She had turquoise things (too big to call beading, ... stones?) at the bodice, beautiful black skirt with silver at the waist.  Loved the bag, loved the jewels, loved everything.  Definitely a WINNER.  Grade:  A+

Nicole Richie ...



This was UGLEEEE.  What is this periwinkle blue thing with long sleeves and a train and the black fringe bag?  And the turquoise eye shadow???  I think Ms. Nicole thinks it's 1975.  LOSER LOSER LOSER.  Grade:  F- to the negative of 10.

Salma Hayek ...


Salma can DO.  NO.  WRONG.  She is perfection on the red carpet ALWAYS.  And she's Mexican!!!  LATINAS RULE.  Grade:  A+++

Kelly Cuoco ...


I thought this was a beautiful gown but it looks like she let Clockstopper from Pico Viejo do her makeup.  Eyebrow pencil on the lips is NEVER a good look.  Grade:  C for poor application of makeup.  

Eva Longoria ...




Eva always looks pretty but Salma Hayek, you'll NEVER be.  Just sayin'. 

La Lopez ...


This looks like a reject from the Rose Bowl.  She obviously had her minions gather of the left over rose petals from all the floats and fashioned this concoction ... strategically placing each petal, which was glued with the tears of 13 virgins, to her body in an effort to stun and amaze all of us little people ... and see ... Veronica Lake side part. 

So dear readers, I could go ON AND ON AND ON but then I'd never get to Cost Co. I hope you enjoyed my little recap and will come back often.  The Academy Awards are next and I can't wait!

I have to say I LOVED Tina Fey and Amy Pohler!  Girls fucken rule and they should host all future award show events from here on in until FOREVER!

SMOOCHES!  Until next time .... MUAH!

(p.s.  For a real laugh and an expert analysis, visit my blogging friend Bob at http://ishouldbelaughing.blogspot.com/2013/01/globes-fashion-best-good-meh-bad-try.html)

Comments

  1. Great review! As always, you are right on! For me, Jennifer Lawrence got first prize, and her acceptance speech was sweet. So agree about Jody Foster's gown--stunning. But her speech... ??? And I, too, thought the girls did a fabulous job hosting. You know I think of Amy Poeler as a young Beverly D'Angelo.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Uh oh. You and I differ. Check out ISBL later today.

    PS I was one of those folks that loved Jodie's speech. She has never officially come out, but was out to those people she knew, and that knew her, for years.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I totally got Jodie Foster's speech ... I always knew she was gay I just wondered why she didn't COME OUT and say it if she was going to make a big ol speech ... know what I mean? OK. Checking ISBL later. Mama's gotta go to Cost Co - UGH.

      Delete
  3. you forgot Kristin Wiig's ugly ugly dress and that asian girl form Charlie's Angles....Waaayy toooo much dress and it look like upholstery fabric. Loved Julia Roberts chic pant suit/gown and although Mexicans rule...Eva Longoria's dress was awful including the matchy matchy gramma black panties underneath.

    My favs....Jen Lawrence.....stunning, Selma's dress..your right, she ALWAYS dresses well and Jodie Foster...the perfect dress for those perfect arms, shoulders and neck.

    bun

    ps....Not liking the slit boobage gowns...apparently a trend.

    ReplyDelete
  4. I couldn't decide on Lucy Liu's gown. It was a bit much for the Golden Globes. It was designed by Carolina Herrera and I LOVE her, but I really didn't dig the light blue background. I hate Julia Roberts. She never WOWS and walks like a dude. Eva Longoria with the side slit ... very Angelina Jolie from the 2012 Academy Awards. Jennifer Lawrence DID look FAB and Jodie ALWAYS, ALWAYS conveys simple elegance. Thanks for commenting Bun Bun :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. OH I forgot...
    Halle Berrys stylist needs to be shot. Her dress made one boob look bigger than the other...very weird. And btw...I used to think she was beautiful...but with all her drama..she's no longer beautiful to me...inside OR out

    I'm Just Sayin'

    ReplyDelete
  6. Deb, my love--you are SO RIGHT about everything. But, I'd add two more gowns to the F list: 1.Amy Poehler's. YUCK!! Also, Julianne Moore. She and Merryl never wear things that flatter! And why would someone like Jessica Chastain--who is the "it" girl for the past 2 years, and can wear anything--wear that baggy, saggy weird thing? Loved Tina & Amy--my sheros. Loved when Amy said to Ben Affleck, "Congratulations on Argo. I'm from Boston too. You're not better than me!" lol

    Love you!
    xoxox
    Eenie

    ReplyDelete
  7. PS--Love Olivia Munn. Gorgeous, classy, and what an amazing body. Do you watch The Newsroom with Jeff Daniels? I love the character she plays.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ENID! Ugh ... I owe you an email!!! I've been so busy! Hope you're feeling better and I promise a proper email soon.

      SMOOCHES!

      Delete
    2. No worries my love!! I'm OK, and hope that you're "good busy!"

      Mwah!
      xoxo

      Delete
  8. I felt really bad for whoever dressed that girl from Girls, Lena Dunham. She could barely walk in whatever was on her feet.

    Selma Hayek ALWAYS looks good because she knows her body. And I watched Jodie's speech about three times. I loved it! Mostly because she's done it her own way.

    Oh and I wish Taylor Swift would go away.

    ReplyDelete

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