SO ...

I had an appointment with the City of _________ (I'd tell you but I'm seriously afraid of retribution) anyway, I got the letter in the mail a few weeks ago informing me that I QUALIFIED and MET WITH THEIR REQUIREMENTS and was INVITED to TEST for the Executive Secretary Position.  

The testing was today.  I just got home.  First of all, the testing was scheduled for 6:00 p.m., which I thought was a little weird, but at the same time I was grateful because I am SO NOT A MORNING person ... especially if you're going to put me in a classroom setting which for me is the equivalent of taking an Ambien. 

So, I arrive promptly, one half hour prior to the testing, as the letter suggested.  There were probably 70 people there all vying for ONE position.  Yes.  You read correctly.  ONE position.  I took a book because I cannot stand staring into space for even five seconds.    SO, after I took the time and effort to arrive one half hour early, to show "I care" and to make "an impression," the guy who was conducting the testing session apologizes because his colleague was running late and we couldn't start without her.  FUCKEN A!!!  Why is it there is ALWAYS ONE ASSHOLE who is late?!?!  Ugh!!  My biggest pet peeve of all time.  BE ON TIME DAMMIT!  

Also, consider this ... of these 70 people, imagine all of those who applied and were NOT invited to test.  I'd say three-hundred, easy. 

It was a room full of beaten down, been there done that, desperate looking people.  How I wish I had a video camera and could have gone around the room interviewing everyone and getting their stories.  Then, I'd write an opinion piece and send it to the White House.  I KNOW, I KNOW ... I'm just saying.  

So, the two gals at my table were employed, but both were dealing with horrendous drives and wanted to find something closer to home.  I didn't want to tell them but ... WELCOME TO THE 21ST CENTURY LADIES!!!  Who doesn't want to work 10 minutes from home?!  Ugh.  One gal was in her mid-20's and the other was probably in her late 30's.    I'M FIFTY FUCKEN FIVE!  I spent my entire LIFE driving to and from work in horrible traffic every day for 30 years.  Cry me a fucken river.  (Gee, I just read this back and I sound so hostile).

There were one hundred questions on the test and I have to say that whenever I see one of those forms with those little circles that have to be filled in with a no. 2 pencil I get apoplectic.  It reminds me of all the tests I had to take in school to determine whether I was smart or dumb.  I never knew how I scored on any of those tests, but, if my teachers opinions were correct, I was fairly certain that I was somewhere near the "dumb" category.  Bastards. 

Test gets underway.  After about an hour and a half people start getting up to leave ... because they finished their test ... because they're smarter than I am, and because they can read faster and deduce better.  I immediately start to speed up.  See ... I can't help but "go there" ... I KNOW I'm smart, in my own way.  My mind is quick, in it's own way, but that is not what is being tested here.  If everyone were given an assignment to write a humorous blog about "being unemployed and trying to find a job" -- I would venture to guess that I'D WIN that assignment.  *SIGH* ... nothing worse than being a square peg trying to fit into a round hole.  But it is what it is.  

The gig pays about the same as my last job and they do provide "some" benefits (some????  that right there is suspect) ... they told us they'd start scheduling interviews about two weeks after the test.  I tried not to laugh out loud when he said that ... *sigh*

So THAT, ladies and germs, was my latest foray into the land of the gainfully employed.  Wish me luck.  

(p.s.  I left out the colonoscopy).