So I decided to blog about the American Music Awards Red Carpet because people always ask me why I didn't. So, even though I don't know anybody, Ima bloggin'. So, bear with me as I critique, applaud and castigate ...
The beautiful Christina Aguilera. Christina has this platinum thing down pat but I think she needs to CHANGE HER LOOK. I've been saying this for years. Lose the platinum blonde hair and soften up the makeup. You are BEAUTIFUL and you look great now that you've lost some weight, but I would really encourage you to break out of this 1950's bombshell Jayne Mansfield look. It's OLD, DONE and OVAH. However, I am giving you an A+ because you DO look fab. BUT THIS IS THE LAST TIME. I don't want to see this look again. Seriously ... I'm trying to help you.
Chili and T-Boz of TLC. Chili ... that is a MUFFIN TOP from hell. The colorful cut out peek-a-boo top is ... well, right now words escape me. You're a very pretty woman but you need to get a stylist cause girl ... you need some serious help in the fashion area. T-Boz ... leather jacket, bustier and boots with jingle jangles .... definitely a Glamour DON'T. Grade: D- You girls should pool your resources, hire a stylist and take another shot at it because this is HORRIBLE.
Daisy Fuentes. Beautiful. You can never go wrong with black and white. Tres elegant. She hasn't aged a day ... Botox? Fillers? Juvederm? Whatever girl. You look fantastic. Love the dress, love the hair, love the bag, love it all. Grade: A+
Oh oh. Casper Smart (J-Lo's boy toy) ... when a boy toy starts making the scene on the Red Carpet sans his lady
Heidi fucken Klum HAS to be EVERYWHERE. Don't you ever stay home?! Every red carpet, award show, movie premier, etc., etc., etc. Heidi, Heidi, Heidi. Grade: F- Too much black. Lose the fringe and put on some lipstick. Ugh.
Kathy and Rich Wakile. What the hell are you guys doing here?????
Oh Look! It' Kendall and Kylie! Without their mama Kris! Kendall is the pretty one on the left. Kylie is the other one. Girls?! When does your sex tape come out?! Or is mama still negotiating? Can't wait!
Ciara. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. Love the dress, love the hair, love the makeup, love it all. Grade: A+
Taylor Swift. Adorable. Love the gold! She looks like a gold goddess, however, I don't like that sheer panel in the front. It looks like they didn't have time to finish the dress and that makes it look cheap. Other than that, she looks quite beautiful. Grade: A
R. Kelly. Dude, you look like a Black Russian in a leather Cossack. WTF? Leather pants, leather skirt, long black shirt, and a black leather jacket. Make up your mind. R ... there's a rule of thumb when you're getting ready to leave the house. Take a look in the mirror and remove something. Since you weren't wearing a bracelet or a scarf ... removing the skirt probably would have been wise. Grade: F-
Marc Anthony I LOVE you but why didn't you dress up?! You're at an award show! Put on a suit! You look like you're going to grab a pizza and some beer. Though I hate to do it, you're getting a D-
Someone of your stature and talent should dress the part. Get it together please.
GOOD GOD. Billy Ray Cyrus and Wayne Newton. I thought Wayne Newton was dead. I now see he just looks dead. Wayne, you should ask your surgeon if he could remove the stitches and let your face fall back into place? I think it would make a huge improvement. Billy, trim the hair and the beard. You look like a scruffy homeless man and it's breaking my achy breaky heart. Ask Miley to hire you a stylist. Grade: F and F, respectively.
Katy Perry. Adorable. However, I really wish she'd get rid of the BLACK BLACK hair and show off her natural blonde hair ... I think she'd look gorgeous. The dress is kinda funky but that's Katy's style. She has a great body and she's kitschy and campy. Grade: B+
Naya Rivera. GORGEOUS GIRL. This is the winner of the night. A A A PLUS!
Miley Cyrus. I hardly recognized her with her clothes on. This outfit is ill fitting ... the pants look terrible - wrinkly and too big. Jacket is ok, but her hair and makeup are lacking .... she looks like a tomboy. And something's missing???? Class, perhaps?
JOAN!!! You look great. Thin and sexy but you've had a little work haven't you? Your eyes are slanting up a bit and those cheek bones look awfully plumped. I think a long flowy skirt would have looked better considering you're wearing that high collared jacket. Kind of reminds me of Maleficient ...
A most unexciting , un-Ga Ga like ensemble.
Kelly Osbourne. F F F. This gown looks like something she purchased at the local five and dime as a princess costume for Halloween. And I HATE her freaking lavender hair. Grade: FFF, three times a failure. Plus, her shoes do not match. This is a major disaster.
That's it peeps. Mama's tired and I simply can't take looking at another Red Carpet picture. I'll wait until Oscar season, my FAVORITE time of year! So until then, SMOOCHES!!