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VARIOUS RANTINGS AND RAVINGS ...

Joe Jonas Talks Smoking Pot With Miley Cyrus, Demi Lovato and Losing His Virginity With Ashley Greene ...

Not that I care about Joe Jonas ... mainly because he's about as interesting as dirt, but I had to comment on the headline above because I KNEW those freaking purity rings were bullshit.


And now ... because a day without Kimmie is like a day without sunshine.  Kimmie gives everyone tips on how to take the perfect selfie ...

"You always need [your phone] to be a little bit higher than lower ... and know your angle," Kardashian explains.  "Know the lighting and know duck face," Kardashian insists, "I love that because it gives you cheekbones."
 
So, to sum it up:
 
Rule #1:  Hold your phone high for the picture.
Rule #2:  Know your angle.
Rule #3:  Know your lighting.
Rule #4:  Work that duck face!
 
Wow.  Now I can die. 
 

NEXT HEADLINE: 
 
 
Michele Bachmann:  Obama 'Has Rewritten The Constitution For Himself'   ...
Reprinted from Huffington Post:

“He has rewritten the Constitution for himself as a part of his effort to fundamentally transform the United States of America,” Bachmann said Tuesday.

Bachmann called the recently announced delay of online enrollment for small businesses "political management."

“What are these delays about, what do they have in common? They all put off the very negative effects of Obamacare until the next election. That’s what this is all about," Bachmann said. "This is all political management. But we believe the constitution has to be respected."

Bachmann has considered taking action against Obamacare before, saying in November that she and several of her GOP colleagues in the House of Representatives were considering suing Obama for allowing plans canceled under the Affordable Care Act.

I could wile away the hours
Conferrin' with the flowers
Consultin' with the rain
And my head I'd be scratchin'
While my thoughts were busy hatchin'
If I only had a brain ...


Enough said.


CAROLINE BERG ERIKSEN ...


 
ANOTHER ONE.  Posting a freaking selfie of her incredibly taut and flat stomach four days after she gave birth.  What the fuck.  You gals need to get the hell over yourselves.  JEEZUS!  Yeah, yeah, yeah ... you’re hot.  You look great.  You have a flat stomach.  SO FUCKING WHAT????!!!!  What is the point????  REALLY?  What is the fucking point of posting pictures of yourselves in your underwear every freaking second of your lives?  I don’t get it.  Back in the olden days when I was 24 this type of behavior would have been considered the height of conceit.  How things have changed.  So me and my big mouth saw this on Huffington Post and I HAD to comment.  I got a response from someone who said "you must be fat huh?"  And I had to laugh but REALLY ... what IS the point to posting a picture like this other than to show the ENTIRE world how fabulously thin and hot you are?  There IS no other reason.  Conceit.  Pure and simple.  She must be so proud.
Here ... see for yourself

Here she is pregnant ...


And here she is taking pictures of herself in the mirror ... isn't she cute!


Look!  She even eats!



Here she is with a hula hoop ...


And here she is getting some water


I have lived for 56 years.  This broad has more pictures of herself on the internet than I have of my ENTIRE LIFE.  


NEXT ... BILL O'REILLY'S WAR ON CHRISTMAS


It's that time of year again.  Bill O'Reilly has started his annual fight against the so-called "War on Christmas."

At least that's what the right wing pundits LOVE to say.  However, I do not see any evidence of this.  I see Christmas trees everywhere, and Christmas lights, and Holiday Greetings and Nativities and all sorts of stuff that is related to Christmas.  WHERE is the war against Christmas?  I think it is just something the right wing loves to spew because there IS no war on Christmas and they want us to THINK there is a war on Christmas when NO SUCH THING exists.  If it did, I’d have to move to another country because that would really scare me.  See.  I'm a liberal and I LOVE Christmas.  My office has a Menorah and a Christmas tree.  That doesn’t seem like a war on Christmas to me.  My office building is decorated with a gigantic Christmas tree and Christmas balls and garland and lights and we’re having our Christmas party this Friday.  That doesn’t sound like a war on Christmas to me either.  So, Right Wing Instigators of Terror, STOP IT.  There IS NO WAR on Christmas.  When you’re arrested for having a Christmas tree THEN I would say, you might have a war against Christmas.  But until then, SHADDUP!

AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST ...
Jennifer Lopez to Receive Parenting Award at March of Dimes Lucheon         

So, basically she's getting an award for pushing out a couple of babies.  Yeah Jennifer.  You and about a gazillion other women on the planet Earth.

Lopez said in a statement:  "As a mother myself, I am aware of the importance of healthful pregnancies and babies." 

Are you?  Do your babies know that your also banging a baby?    


YOU KNOW WHAT I WANNA KNOW?  WHERE THE HELL IS MY AWARD!












SMOOCHES!

XOXOXO

Comments

  1. Purity rings! It STILL makes me laugh.

    Wow. I was wrong. The Kash Kow does have a viable talent; how to take pictures of yourself!

    Michele Bachmann. The dumbest woman on the planet. She makes the Mama Grizzly Bore™ look like a Mensa member.

    The flat bellied woman apparently cares more about her figure than having a healthy baby.

    O'Reilly is trying to stay relevant, which he hasn't been since '97.

    JLo gets a trophy for squeezing out offspring? It's official!!!! I'VE.HEARD.EVERYTHING!!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. I'm right there with you on every single point.

    ReplyDelete

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DANNYLAND ...

Danny has this disgusting habit of brushing his teeth and then rinsing his toothbrush and leaving it ALL WET in the toothbrush thing.  (See photo below.  A roll of toilet paper he sets on the counter like a cup and then sticks his toothbrush in the middle of it) ... what a genius huh?

The point?  Adisgusting, wet toothbrush will collect bacteria and mosquitoes and it's disgusting and filthy.  It drives me crazy.  Does he stop?  NO.  


What you're supposed to do is brush, rinse with HOT water and then DRY THE BRUSH THOROUGHLY ... THEN put it in the toothbrush thing.  IT'S NOT THAT HARD.

And how hard is it to take the yogurt OUT of the plastic bag?


God forbid he break a sweat. 

 Also, he never EVER closes a drawer, a cabinet, or a door ... EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Don't you HATE when your husband makes hamburgers ...




*sigh* ... my life.

OSCARS BEST AND WORST ...

Well, for some unknown reason I was unable to get E! Live on the Red Carpet!  I called the cable company, I unplugged the t.v. to reboot it ... NOTHING.  SO, I had to go with Channel 7's coverage which is NOT NEARLY AS IN DEPTH as E!  Needless to say Mama was pissed. 

So, with that in mind ... let's get started!


Alicia Vikander.  Beautiful!  She looks very young and sweet and elegant.  Love the color of this gown .... Grade:  A


Jennifer Lawrence.  BEAUTIFUL!  Love the hair, love the make up, love the the gown.  WINNER WINNER WINNER!!!  Grade:  A++


Brie Larson.  I'm not really feeling this gown.  The color is beautiful but the belt and the bling and the ruffles and the pleats ... there's a lot going on here.  Grade:  C



Nice guy Dave Grohl and wife.  Class Couple!  Love her dress and earrings ... very pretty. Dave .... it's the ACADEMY AWARDS .... a traditional tux would have worked much better and you would have looked SO HANDSOME.  Wife Grade:  A, Dave's Grade:…