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Nobody walks in L.A....

Last year at this time I had no job. Member? You all remember. Now, I am proud to say I am coming upon my one year anniversary at my current job and lo and behold, I still really love it. All except for one thing ... my drive to and from work. That ... I hate. Every morning, no matter how much traffic there may be I always get to work at the same time. Approximately 45 minutes from door to door. Going home ... another fuckin' story. An hour plus. You'd think I lived on Mt. Baldy! ... I'm only 15 miles from my office ... which in L.A. CAN TAKE LIKE A DAY AND A HALF TO TRAVEL. This is due mostly to the fact there are 8 billion cars in California and they all crowd onto the streets at 5:00 pm. That, and the fact these 8 billion cars are all travelling at the same speed of about 4 mph with a top speed of about 19 mph ... on the freeway or surface streets. It makes no difference. You're at a red light. Light turns green, you wait for approximately 16 seconds before cars start advancing forward and then you finally start to make progress, you press your foot down on the gas, you get up to 5 mph with the intention of punching it up to 35 or 40 but noooooooo. That is not possible. Because even though you can see seventeen miles of open road ahead, there is that one asshole that is driving 12 miles BELOW the speed limit on a two lane highway and NO ONE can pass him. This is the person you want to shoot in the brain ... but only for ten minutes ... for being an asshole.

Being annoyed with this person is not enough for me. I find myself forming a real negative attachment to that driver. Like I try really hard to catch up to him so I can pass him and then look at him with the stink eye and then slowly shake my head ... communicating WHAT AN ASSHOLE I THINK HE IS! And then, after I get ahead of him, I look in my rear-view mirror every few minutes just to leer at him ... "look at him! ALL the way back there! Holding everybody up! Asshole! I hate people like that. No sense of urgency. I MEAN, DON'T YOU WANNA GO HOME YOU MORON! Add Image

And another thing ... why is it that these automobiles always seem to float? ... like they're not really wheel to asphalt ... they just kinda lumber along in blissful ignorance when there are other people who want nothing more than to GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!! And you can't because that tool is in front of you. UGH. Sometimes I wish I had a Sherman Tank - I'd just run all those jerk-offs off the road! PERIOD. END OF STORY. But other than that ... I'm pretty happy.


  1. WOW!...Road Rage AND Blog


  2. Yup, I have been behind that guy! The one you can't pass, who coasts from light to light, and causes all drivers stuck behind him to have a stroke. That guy irritates me too. If I actually manage to pass him I feel such a sense of victory! It is invigorating!! I am able to increase my speed to the posted speed limit and begin to feel like I am actually going to arrive at my desired destination before I begin menopause. Then it happens. The flow of traffic begins to slow, and before I know it I am crawling again because I am now behind another jack wagon that I can't pass, who coasts from light to light, causing all drivers stuck behind him to have a stroke... Aaaaahhhhhh!!!

  3. That's two times now. Your post on religion on the same day I did one, and now this post on the horrors of Calif driving.

    Just minutes ago I was talking to two good friends about how while I miss my friends and family in Calif., I DO NOT miss having to drive around there.

    I knew nothing about the midwest, but when we were looking to buy a home, I told our real estate rep. "Please get us as close to work as our approved loan will get us, because I'm sick of feeling like Ulysses on bloody Odyssey every time I have to drive anywhere."

    When it gets bad, chant: Ooohsaah!

    Your bud,

  4. You're just as crazy as I thought! LOL
    Look, it's inevitable that you'll be in traffic. Instead of getting your panties in a bunch everyday, which apparently hasn't changed anything on the road, why don't you use the time to listen to some really good music or pray or tape record things you can blog about. Heck, you can even get the bible on CD. You know stress is really bad for you so why don't YOU decide the mood. There's no way around the traffic so use the time for something other than anger. Something positive. I had a guy cussing at me once because I wouldn't move out of his way. I'm not sure I was the problem; there were tons of cars in front of me. I'm not sure where he thought he'd go if I was to move but I doubt I would have made much difference in how long it took him to get home.

    Strange thing is, I know you're crazy and I still love you....hmmmm, now that's something you can think about on your way home!

  5. People have been complaining about this for years and I mean for years. My dad came home one day in 1966 and said "I hate this traffic...we are moving" and move we did all the way to NC.

    I'm not sure where he worked but we lived in Norwalk and I bet the traffic was no where near as bad as it is now.

  6. That's why I work later hours 9:30-6. Downtown LA 5pm traffic is ridiculous and I get home at the same time anyway. It takes me 10 to 15 minutes to get to and from work everyday and I live 9 miles away.


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