Once again ... another blurb about my hair ...

Remember a while back when I was contemplating going gray? And how I wondered if I'd look classy like Jamie Lee Curtis or just look like an old lady? Well ... I did go gray ... and take my word for it ... I did not look like Jamie Lee Curtis. My stepdaughter told me that while we were all at the hospital for Lauren's transplant everyone thought I was Lauren's GRANDMOTHER! And I'm sorry people ... but I just can't have that .... I'll go gray when I turn 60.

Hair, to me, is the only thing I got going for myself at this stage. So styling it, coloring it, cutting it, growing it, streaking it - these are all things that I do to give myself a little lift. Having done NOTHING to my hair in the last year has been a righteous bummer. SO, decision made. I'm going to color my hair. I know I can't afford the blond thing so I figured a nice warm brown would look good and then I could add blond streaks later. So, I get to my appointment figuring I'll be there two hours tops. SEVEN AND A HALF HOURS LATER I finally walked out of there!

So my hairdresser says to me "Brown? NO! Let's just add some platinum highlights all over ... it'll look great!" "Okay, sounds good." The process begins. Several hours later I'm done and when I look in the mirror it looks like I've aged another 15 years! I just have MORE GRAY HAIR! I'M SCREAMING IN MY HEAD. I DON'T LIKE IT. Okay, she says, let's put a brown shade to warm it up and it'll also darken up the platinum. I can tell she feels terrible and the brown sounded like it might fix it so that's what she did. When I was done she put some blonding shampoo to lighten the platinum strands so they'd stand out a little more and she left it on too long so my hair turned out looking brown and blue. Seriously ... brown and BLUE. I can now tell she almost wants to cry. I tell her to just let me come back the next day, I've already been there five hours, I haven't eaten all day and I'm tired. She says NO! I WON'T SLEEP AT ALL IF YOU DON'T LET ME FIX IT. SO, FINALLY, she puts A NICE WARM BROWN COLOR LIKE I FUCKING WANTED IN THE FIRST PLACE and it came out perfect. A whole 8 hour day and a hundred plus dollars later ...

When I get home, the hubs, as usual, doesn't even notice ... thinks it looks the same, it looked good the way it was, yeah yeah yeah WHATEVER. HE HAS NO IDEA HOW MUCH I PAID but I figure since I'm a short order cook/maid, slave and dishwasher, I figure I EARNED IT.

So, Friday we had planned to take a drive to visit Lauren and Dawn and see how they were coming along since the surgery. I took a big ol pot of my tortilla soup and some really yummy red velvet cupcakes. During the drive Danny asks me in his sarcastic little way "so, you think anyone will notice your hair?" (he asks me this because he's certain NO ONE will notice and because he thinks that the only reason I see a difference is because I'm delusional and psychotic) and I tell him that if anyone notices it will be Breanne cause Breanne is a girly girl (and in truth EVERYONE on earth would notice I colored my hair except Danny because when it comes to me, Danny never notices anything I do). We arrive. DING DONG. Breanne answers the door ... "YOU COLORED YOUR HAIR! I LIKE IT!" I turn to look at my husband with that expression I have that I'm sure he loathes ... and without uttering one word say "SEE. I WIN."

What's wrong with normal?!

This is a question I have pondered often. Living in a world where we are bombarded with self help books, self help gurus, spiritual teachers, books telling us how to "succeed", how to be a winner, blah blah blah. HEY! What the hells the matter with normal?! There are WAY more NORMAL people in the world than SPECIAL people. Normal people go to work, pay taxes, raise kids and don't break laws. That's pretty amazing if you ask me. Most SPECIAL people I know of, or have read about are lying, cheating bastards.

Example No. 1: Bernie Madoff was a man of great wealth who lived a life in the lap of luxury. He was admired and looked up to by many people. Now, he sits in prison because he used his intelligence to figure out an incredeible ponzi scheme that robbed and cheated hundreds of people out of their life savings. Before his incarceration, in the eyes of the world, he was considered a success, a visionary. Bernie Madoff in my book? L O S E R.

My dad went to work every day. Never took a vacation and went to work when he was sick. He supported us and taught his children right from wrong and how to live life with honor. In the eyes of the world, or if you saw him on the street, you'd think he was nobody special. But he is more than special to me. To me, he is a GREAT man.

Example No. 2: When I was in elementary school there was a little Japanese girl in my class who always made straight A's. She was an outstanding citizen and was ALWAYS teacher's pet. She ALWAYS got called on in class, ALWAYS got special perks and special treatment and the teachers LOVED her. What they didn't know, was that she was a sadistic little shit who was the definition of a "mean girl" and ruled the playground like her own little fiefdom. Seriously. She made life hell for me and lots of other little girls in school. Now, if you were one of the teachers, you didn't know this about her. To you she was a sweet, studious and obedient little girl. Fast forward eight years ... she got knocked up right before graduation and no one ever saw her again. OK, OK relax ... allow me to elaborate. I was one of those nothing special NORMAL kids. Not super smart, not super talented and in truth, I was a big mouth. I'm sure half my teachers figured I wouldn't amount to much because I was just NORMAL. Follow me? Looking at me and Susie Perfect any teacher would naturally assume that Susie Perfect would grow up to be a great success and I would probably end up working in a donut shop for the rest of my life. From a teacher's point of view I guess that was a relatively safe assumption ... but it was WRONG.

As I've said in previous posts, I went to school in the olden days when bullies were bullies and teachers could actually hit you. And if your bully happened to be a sweet faced little Japanese girl who made straight A's no teacher would EVER believe that she took your brand new white sweater and stomped on it in the dirt ... Ooooh Debbie, don't be such a tattle-tale. True story. The point is that if you were to predict her future and mine you would never predict that she'd get knocked up and leave school. That would have been my future. And this traumatizing time left it's mark on my psyche ... to this day whenever I see a successful Japanese female, ala Kristi Yamaguchi, I automatically hate her guts.

"Yeah, I know you - ya little shit ... you probably always got straight A's and got to read aloud in class all the time CAUSE YOU WERE SOOOOO SMART."

Am I proud of this? No, but it is what it is.

There is a hilarious scene in Woody Allen's "Annie Hall" that to this day makes me laugh hysterically. The scene: we're in a first grade classroom and one little kid stands up and tells the audience what became of him ... "I used to be a heroin addict but now I'm a methodone addict" ... had I known in the 5th grade that Susie Perfect would end up the way she did maybe I might have endured her torture with a sense of humor LOL!

THE MORAL OF THIS STORY: YOU CANNOT JUDGE A BOOK BY IT'S COVER ... OR IT'S GRADES.

Wherever she is today, I hope that Susie Perfect is happy. I really do. She is a memory from my childhood and she served an important purpose and that was to teach me how to deal with the mean girls of the world. AND ... most importantly, I learned that NORMAL is not less than. That there really is no NORMAL ... we are all special. In one way or another, everyone has a gift.

Teachers ... pay attention. I have always wondered why it is that teachers cater to the bright kids instead of those other NORMAL kids who could really benefit from their guidance. Who knows if that kid, who is just a C student, might not grow up to be another Bill Gates?

Bill Gates in high school - arrested for reckless driving.

Bill Gates today. The richest man on earth.

And that's all I have to say about that.

Lauren's Gift

The Happiest Day Ever ... December 10, 2009 - release from hospital with mom's donated kidney.

Top row: Dad, Auntie Bangles, Jim (step-dad), Debbie (step-mommy), Nana, Auntie Laurie, and Papa

Bottom row: Lauren, Mom (Dawn) and sister Bree

And a big thanks to the fantastic nurses, surgeons, doctors and staff at UCI Irvine. You are all amazing human beings. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU ALL!

Since it's in the news ... a little blurb about Tiger

Here we go again. Yet another man who has admitted to "personal failings" (or in my lingo, couldn't keep it in his pants). First of all, can I just say that Tiger Woods is the most UNSEXY guy ever. I don't care if he does have a billion dollars if I were a young hot thing you couldn't pay me enough money to do him ... but then again, I was never a publicity seeking, opportunistic

w----e (rhymes with "sore" ... forgive the pun LOL). I just feel bad for his wife, poor thing. Although I'm sure it must have felt mighty good swinging that golf club right at his stupid head. What is it with these guys? My God it's like they're afraid that they're going to literally DIE without having to have EVERY FRICKIN' WOMAN WITH BREAST IMPLANTS ON THE PLANET! I mean seriously. How many women and how much sex must you possibly have in life in order to feel whatever it is you feel you need to feel? You KNOW these bimbos are gonna come forward at some point in time you idiots. That's why you never, EVER, make a sex tape, send text messages, emails, videos, NOTHING. But I know all my kvetching is for naught because although I know that men will continue to behave badly it is always their wives and children who really suffer over their "personal failings". My advice to Tiger? Don't worry dude. Remember President Clinton? Governor Sandford? Eliot Spitzer? No need to be accountable for anything. In a few months everybody will forget this little transgression and then everybody will love you all over again, and you'll continue making billions of dollars and boinking all the la-la's you want.

I think what bothers me the most about these jerks is that they profess to maintain the image of the upright family man and they're anything but.

HYPOCRISY. Websters says:
A pretense of having a virtuous character; moral or religious beliefs or principles, etc., that one does not really possess.


And by no means am I letting the bimbos off the hook either. These opportunistic, publicity seeking, money hungry bimbettes who are desperately searching for someone to latch onto so they don't have to be responsible for themselves are pathetic. It's 2009 ladies! The 21st Century! When you become involved with married men who have families you are causing serious damage to other human beings. Have some character, some integrity. When you have a moral compass you empower yourself. No one can ever accuse you of being what you are ... a pathetic, clinging user.


What goes around really does come around and I'm glad to see that these wives are no longer standing by their men. I love the argument that men can compartmentalize. They can separate love for wife from sex with whore. Women can do that too ... but usually don't. What if we all compartmentalized ourselves, well that would mean that I could separate my relationships with family and friends and rob them blind without compromising my conscience. Yeah. That would be great! Or, I could sleep with my best friends husband and know that it really isn't about love for my husband just lust for my friends hubby! Yeah. Wouldn't that be cool! Wouldn't that be great! And no one would be accountable for anything! We could do any fricking thing we wanted but it really wouldn't matter because we didn't mean to hurt anybody ... WE JUST WANTED TO DO IT BECAUSE.


Okay. I'm done.

CNN Heroes

Every Thanksgiving CNN puts on a fabulous program dedicated to honoring every day heroes all over the world. Profiles of ordinary people doing extraordinary things. I watched it last year and made sure not to miss it this year.

CNN Heroes is like the Academy Awards except for regular people, which in all honesty must put to shame all the egotistical, narcissistic actors and actresses out there who are handed gold statuettes every time they pass gas. This program is one of the most moving, "feel good" programs ever. I am not a very optimistic person when I look at the world in general, especially when I look at world leaders who oppress their people, or who have no integrity nor moral compass. It's hard to find good amongst those who live in the rarefied air of power and money. But watching this program last night confirmed to me that there really are good, amazing, selfless, beautiful human saints who give from their hearts for no other reason than it is the right thing to do.

There was one hero, a young kid really, Jordan Thomas, who lost both his legs when he fell overboard on the family boat and got sucked under by the propellers. This teen aged boy, from his hospital bed, realized how fortunate he was that his parents had the money to afford the insurance, the physical therapy and the prosthetics he would need throughout his life and in his gratefulness realized that there were many, many other children who did not have his opportunities and decided right then and there, while IN THE HOSPITAL, to set up a foundation that provides prosthetic limbs for children until they reach 18 years of age, FREE OF CHARGE. This boy couldn't have been more than 23 years old. I am posting his website so you can read about him and his organization. http://www.jordanthomasfoundation.org/. Do yourself a favor, when you have some time and read about this amazing kid.

Then there was the bus driver in Queens who saw day laborers every day standing on corners hoping to be picked up for a day of work and who would having nothing to eat that night if they didn't get work. Jorge Munoz took it upon himself to feed these men with the help of his wife, mother and sister. He puts in a full day at work driving a school bus then goes home to start, as he said ... "his second job", which consists of cooking chicken, rice, and black beans and then sets out about 9:30 pm to feed those men who are hungry. He was most proud of the fact that even while he was there receiving his award, his sister had stayed behind in Queens to make sure that no one would go hungry even for one night. When he first started this endeavor he fed 40 to 45 men a night. Today he feeds over 140. They call him The Angel of Queens. In the years he has been feeding these men he has never once run out of food. I couldn't help but think of Jesus feeding the multitude with just a few fishes and a few loaves of bread. I am posting his website. Jorge Munoz is originally from Columbia, and though very proud of his country of birth, he cried as he thanked the United States, the best country in the world, for all the opportunities has has found here. http://www.angelinqueens.org/.

Or the woman from Zimbabwe, Betty Makoni, who was raped at the age of 6 years old and faced unimaginable suffering and determined that she would do something for the girls and young women of her country who had been raped and tortured and witnessed unspeakable atrocities, to listen to them, love them, empower them and give them confidence. To educate and help them to become whole human beings with a hope for their futures instead of living lives of despair. Betty Makoni's website http://www.girlchildnetworkworldwide.org/.

There were so many amazing people being awarded that night that in all honesty I don't know how they decide who is THE BEST HERO out of all of them. When each of them accepted their awards they each stated humbly, that they didn't believe that they were heroes. Their message was that everyone one of us has a hero in us if we just listen to our hearts and respond to the needs of those less fortunate. These humble, strong, committed people doing God's work on earth with a purity of heart and seeking no reward for themselves other than to help their fellow man who are in need of love, guidance and support. They are all amazing, amazing people and there are probably so many others in the world who go unrecognized and unnoticed but who are doing the work they have been called to do with limited resources and sometimes even under threat of death. These are the people we should honor and respect ... not the uber wealthy or famous of the world.

I believe that when we die this is what heaven will be like. Scripture tells us that the first will be last and the last will be first. There will be a party in heaven in their honor where they will receive their crown of glory for having done so much good in the world. So, when you have a little time check out the website, www.cnn.com/SPECIALS/cnn.heroes, and meet all of these incredible people, and hopefully it will inspire all of us to do the same.

Lauren

I know I haven't posted in a while and that's mostly because of Thanksgiving and truthfully, not having anything to complain about lately LOL. But there is something I wanted to get out into the world and that is that my stepdaughter, Lauren, will be undergoing kidney transplant surgery on Dec. 7. Her mother will be donating her kidney to Lauren so, as you can see, we will have two family members in the hospital at the same time during the Xmas season. We met yesterday with a whole team of doctors and they gave us all the information we will need to know, including a tour of the hospital so that Lauren will not freak out too much when she wakes up after the surgery. For those of you who don't know about Lauren, she is 23 and has Downs Syndrome and so we have to ease her into things, although I know she is still not really aware of what is actually going to happen which can be good thing and a bad thing. Most importantly, none of us want her to suffer any pain but I guess that is inevitable. So, all you readers out there who read my blog or just happen to stumble onto it today, please say a little prayer to Whoever your God is for Lauren and Dawn. I am a great believer in prayer. Please pray that all goes well, no one gets an infection, and that her body doesn't reject.

And I hope all of you out there have a beautiful Thanksgiving and Xmas holiday!

More memories from the block, circa 1970's

I was just in the car on my way home listening to the radio and they were playing "Spinning Wheel" by Blood, Sweat and Tears and I REMEMBERED ... I REMEMBERED WHAT IT SOUNDED LIKE ... MUSIC .... REAL MUSIC ... brass sections, rhythm sections, lyrics, MUSIC MUSIC, not the computer generated crap that goes for music today with the negative, hateful, misogynistic lyrics. Let's go back shall we ... to the 1970's when music was real. Remember Chicago? Especially early Chicago ... the "Color My World" Chicago, the "Beginnings" Chicago, these guys were REAL musicians. They wrote the music and the lyrics. Tower of Power's horn section was, and is, legendary.  Earth, Wind & Fire, another legendary group, especially EARLY, Earth Wind & Fire ... anyone remember "Feelin Blue?" OMG, this song always gets to me and you never hear it on the radio ... another favorite "Outside Woman" by Bloodstone. Ay yi yi, talk about S E X Y ... Harold Melvin and the Bluenotes - the entire 1970's was a feast for the ears. Music that moved and grooved and was super romantic. Today there is nothing that compares to that era. I know that each generation believes theirs is the best, but I'M SORRY ... the 1970's were AMAZING. I remember seeing David Bowie on my 18th birthday at the Forum in L.A. I remember seeing Chicago at the Anaheim Convention Center and absolutely falling in love with trombone player Jimmy Pankow - WHAT A FOX! (fifth guy from the left with with the beard) every 16 year old girls fantasy.

When I remember these amazing groups I can't help but go back to Manzanar Avenue. I'm 14 all over again, hanging on the block with my best friend Denise. All the kids on that block will forever have a special place in my heart. Richard Monroy had the best collection of records EVER and it is because of him that these songs resonate in my memory for he was the one who played the music from his garage 24/7 and provided me with the entire backdrop of my teenage life. I remember he had a real talent for hooking up speakers and stuff like that. Stevie Wonder's "My Cherie Amor" will always remind me of Gerry Santana and Elaine Phillips ... sitting in Gerry's front yard with their new shag haircuts, they were the cool girls on the block, older than me and out of my league socially but everything I wanted to be as a teenage girl ... POPULAR!

My cousin Danny was GOD to me. Three years older than myself, he was really cool and had lots and lots of really cute friends (which, if you're the younger cousin of a cool, older cousin who is of the opposite sex and just happens to live next door, well this is like hitting the jackpot if you're a dorky 14 year old) Danny drove a lowered gold Camaro with Cragers and a color bar LOL! ... for those of you who don't know, a color bar was a contraption that you could hook up under the glove compartment and it flashed colors and shit ... I think it was supposed to be a "turn on" to chicks LOL!! More than anything on earth I wanted to hang out with Danny. I hoped and prayed that some of his coolness would rub off on me and make me the kind of chick that his friends would wanna hang out with (if you know what I mean) I wanted so much to be cool and good looking instead of being who I really was at that time, a dorky little pest. Whenever I hear Earth Wind & Fire's "Feelin' Blue" I remember Danny's friend Rod playing this song for me over and over again on the 8 track of his lowered Riviera ... so sweet to do that for me ... being just a nerdy little girl at the time.

I have so many memories of that time; hiding behind the curtains in my mother's bedroom to watch Danny and all his friends collect on his front yard on a summer afternoon with their low riders parked every which way and the music blaring and wishing more than anything on earth that I could be over there too, hanging out with all those cool, cute guys.

I remember having a HUGE crush on Danny's friend Frank  (aka The Coolest Guy in the Universe) ... Years and years later I would actually be corrupted by Frank ... he got me high for the first time in my life. We sat in his low rider and he handed me a roach with a clip. I wasn't sure how to hit this thing, but hit it I did ... I was 23 years old.  Believe me, getting high for the first time at 23 was OLD in my neighborhood!

These songs from the 70's bring forth all the bittersweet memories of my youth. The secret crush on a special guy, the longing for that first kiss and the awkward, bewildering navigation through teen aged angst. I remember the beautiful pain of it all. At 14, I truly was an innocent and I look back on it with a full heart because there aren't too many innocent 14 year old girls anymore. And that is so very sad to me. I remember what it was like to be an awkward 14 year old girl riding my 10 speed all over P.R. with Denise and cruising Bobby Valencia's house, the neighborhood bad boy/heartthrob. Me and Denise at the carnival in the parking lot of Shopping Bag Supermarket, riding the Scrambler and laughing until I peed in my pants when she swallowed a bug and started gagging. We knew nothing of sex other than the magical imaginings of what it would feel like to have a real live kiss, this was the ULTIMATE, considering that neither of us had had this experience yet. I think back now and it was a beautiful time, though I wouldn't want to live it over, well, maybe some of it ... I loved growing up and going from a nerdy, skinny girl and metamorphosing into a cute girl that Danny's friends started looking at me differently.  At this point in time Danny it was made clear to all of his friends that none of them were allowed to TALK TO DEBBIE.  This really put a cramp in my social life, but I now know that he was watching out for me. He once told me that we were at a dance and he saw a guy talking to me that he didn't like so he asked another friend of his to go ask me to dance to distract the other guy away from me. I never knew this until recently. 

When, I FINALLY did get married, years and years and years later (LOL), I was waiting on the staircase inside the church in my gown and veil ... no one had seen me yet, and Danny wanted to take some film so he came up the steps and I'll never forget it ... he shook his head and looked down, then looked up at me and said "YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL!!!!"  

There is nothing sweeter than revisiting your youth when you're far, far away from the pain and misery of it all and you can remember only the fun times, the magical moments and the beautiful memories that were made with people that were family, neighbors and friends. There are moments I would love to relive ... and I do, if only in my mind. That is the beautiful thing about memories ... you can go back there whenever you want to, spend a little time there and relish every sweet, magical second.

Eighteen WITHOUT a Bullet

When I reflect back on the last 18 months it is really quite amazing to see who I used to be and who I've become. A year and a half ago, I was gainfully employed, I got up in the morning and had somewhere to go, I had friends that I went to lunch with, and I got a paycheck that I used to buy things with, save, and purchase necessities. Now ... 18 months later, I am a housewife type person. I have no friends (well, I do but THEY'RE ALL WORKING) so I don't socialize much, I don't shop and I don't go to lunch with friends. And though I believe all things happen for a reason, I'm certain I won't know the reason I've been unemployed this long for some time to come. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever work again. It's all too weird. In the meantime, this blog has kept me sane. I write everything down ... my frustrations, my hopes, my dreams. This has been a journey that I never thought I would make. I have had some amazing things happen through this blog. I met Amy Ferris, author of "Marrying George Clooney" (P.S. buy the book ... you'll laugh your ass of and have a good cry at the same time) and we have since become email buds. I went to a reading she did in Pacific Palisades and that was like the most exciting thing that has happened to me in life because she really, really liked my writing and told me I was really funny and to keep writing! No matter what happens ... KEEP WRITING. So that's what I've done and it has been a lifesaver. (That is her picture ... isn't she adorable?!)

So, the last year and a half has been filled with writing, writing, writing. Complaining, whining, kvetching ... basically, therapy without paying for it. My blog has allowed me to be creative, funny, thoughtful, and I now have people who "follow" me! I was even awarded a "Kreative Blogger" award which, for someone like me is really cool because it means SOMEBODY LIKES ME! There are so many funny blogs out there written by amazing women which contradicts that ridiculous thought that women aren't funny. PISHAW! We are fucking hilarious! Truthfully, I'd take a female comic over a male comic any day. Men are funny but not like women. Women have worlds and worlds of thought within which to vent in the most hysterical ways. One of my favorite stand up comics has always been Susie Essman (who plays the horrible wife on Curb Your Enthusiasm). She also just wrote a book called "What Would Susie Say?" If you ever feel like laughing out loud just jump onto You Tube and plug in her name. SHE'S FRICKIN' HILARIOUS.

Female humor bonds women together in ways that men could never fully appreciate. It is a way for us to commiserate our unique lot in life. And I don't believe that you can be really funny without having some smarts ... you have to have some brains in order to be really witty. And I do not mean to say that men are not intelligent, they're just not funny in the same way as women. A woman's brain is like a super highway ... on ramps, off ramps, lanes that merge, bridges connecting one lobe to the next, a very intricate machine indeed. A man's brain is kinda like a little dirt path. Women are masters of multi-tasking and can think about and DO more things at the same time than a man. It's a fact. Please see diagram below.


Woman's Brain:













Man's Brain:



















See.
(p.s. And, just for your information, this is the post that my husband thought made me a hater) ... So in the spirit of fair play, you may leave your comments, pro or con.

IS DEBBIE A HATER, OR NOT? (Check yes or no below)

YES

NO