Skip to main content

Eighteen WITHOUT a Bullet

When I reflect back on the last 18 months it is really quite amazing to see who I used to be and who I've become. A year and a half ago, I was gainfully employed, I got up in the morning and had somewhere to go, I had friends that I went to lunch with, and I got a paycheck that I used to buy things with, save, and purchase necessities. Now ... 18 months later, I am a housewife type person. I have no friends (well, I do but THEY'RE ALL WORKING) so I don't socialize much, I don't shop and I don't go to lunch with friends. And though I believe all things happen for a reason, I'm certain I won't know the reason I've been unemployed this long for some time to come. Sometimes I wonder if I will ever work again. It's all too weird. In the meantime, this blog has kept me sane. I write everything down ... my frustrations, my hopes, my dreams. This has been a journey that I never thought I would make. I have had some amazing things happen through this blog. I met Amy Ferris, author of "Marrying George Clooney" (P.S. buy the book ... you'll laugh your ass of and have a good cry at the same time) and we have since become email buds. I went to a reading she did in Pacific Palisades and that was like the most exciting thing that has happened to me in life because she really, really liked my writing and told me I was really funny and to keep writing! No matter what happens ... KEEP WRITING. So that's what I've done and it has been a lifesaver. (That is her picture ... isn't she adorable?!)

So, the last year and a half has been filled with writing, writing, writing. Complaining, whining, kvetching ... basically, therapy without paying for it. My blog has allowed me to be creative, funny, thoughtful, and I now have people who "follow" me! I was even awarded a "Kreative Blogger" award which, for someone like me is really cool because it means SOMEBODY LIKES ME! There are so many funny blogs out there written by amazing women which contradicts that ridiculous thought that women aren't funny. PISHAW! We are fucking hilarious! Truthfully, I'd take a female comic over a male comic any day. Men are funny but not like women. Women have worlds and worlds of thought within which to vent in the most hysterical ways. One of my favorite stand up comics has always been Susie Essman (who plays the horrible wife on Curb Your Enthusiasm). She also just wrote a book called "What Would Susie Say?" If you ever feel like laughing out loud just jump onto You Tube and plug in her name. SHE'S FRICKIN' HILARIOUS.

Female humor bonds women together in ways that men could never fully appreciate. It is a way for us to commiserate our unique lot in life. And I don't believe that you can be really funny without having some smarts ... you have to have some brains in order to be really witty. And I do not mean to say that men are not intelligent, they're just not funny in the same way as women. A woman's brain is like a super highway ... on ramps, off ramps, lanes that merge, bridges connecting one lobe to the next, a very intricate machine indeed. A man's brain is kinda like a little dirt path. Women are masters of multi-tasking and can think about and DO more things at the same time than a man. It's a fact. Please see diagram below.


Woman's Brain:













Man's Brain:



















See.
(p.s. And, just for your information, this is the post that my husband thought made me a hater) ... So in the spirit of fair play, you may leave your comments, pro or con.

IS DEBBIE A HATER, OR NOT? (Check yes or no below)

YES

NO

Comments

  1. Debbie,
    Hater:
    Yes
    No - X
    It makes me mad that something really screwed up in society keeps so many willing people out of work. I mean I know we're only supposed to be consumer lemmings in this culture, but we have to have jobs to be consumers. Corporate America will keep eating its own tail until there's nothing left.

    You said that everything happens for a reason. I think your blog might be one reason. It has not only been a place of therapy for you, but an education in communication that you could have gotten nowhere else because it comes totally from inside you and your self-motivation, and who knows where this will take you. Your blog post above is great. You do write well, and I don't see you as a hater. Your admitted blog-venting and sarcasm are far healthier than the disgruntled fired employee who boils with dysfunction and, with no constructive outlet, ends up going postal. Don't get me wrong. By all means, go postal, but do it on paper in a creative and memorable way.

    Finally, I loved your statement (and pictures): "A woman's brain is like a super highway ... on ramps, off ramps, lanes that merge, bridges connecting one lobe to the next, a very intricate machine indeed. A man's brain is kinda like a little dirt path."

    I've never heard anything more true.

    Ruben.
    PS, you might like my latest post. Come check it out.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ah Debbie....a hater...NO WAY!!! Someone who is knowledgable and knows more about "real" life than anyone I work with....that would be YOU!! I think you are awesome. Your writing is wonderful, your opinions are fabulous, your sharing is very real....you keep it real....for real! I look forward to your posts! I would even pay to read your posts if it came down to it....okay, not too much though, since even though I work, I'm still cash-less! I think you are WONDERFUL!

    Corinne

    ReplyDelete
  3. I wondered why dust came out of Carlos' ears when he talks. Should have asked you to begin with.

    Wonderful post, Comadre. A hatter, NO XXXX

    We all need a place to get the yucky's out. May as well do it like you do and allow other's to feel the freedom from it.

    Thanks.
    M

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

GO ON, TELL ME WHAT YOU REALLY THINK ...

Popular posts from this blog

HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

An Ode to Viggo
Who knows where or when my love for you began it took me by surprise and filled up my whole life
Some laughed and called me mad but I knew that was sad for love cannot be mocked and Viggo, my world rocked
I've seen his every film, his songs, his poems and still I love him more each day and that's how it will stay  for in my dreams he lives
Each step through ether's door we meet forever more and so shall it remain until my life should wane
- Signed Debbie Nunez Mortensen :) (yes, I know I'm weird)






























DANNYLAND ...

Danny has this disgusting habit of brushing his teeth and then rinsing his toothbrush and leaving it ALL WET in the toothbrush thing.  (See photo below.  A roll of toilet paper he sets on the counter like a cup and then sticks his toothbrush in the middle of it) ... what a genius huh?

The point?  Adisgusting, wet toothbrush will collect bacteria and mosquitoes and it's disgusting and filthy.  It drives me crazy.  Does he stop?  NO.  


What you're supposed to do is brush, rinse with HOT water and then DRY THE BRUSH THOROUGHLY ... THEN put it in the toothbrush thing.  IT'S NOT THAT HARD.

And how hard is it to take the yogurt OUT of the plastic bag?


God forbid he break a sweat. 

 Also, he never EVER closes a drawer, a cabinet, or a door ... EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Don't you HATE when your husband makes hamburgers ...




*sigh* ... my life.

OSCARS BEST AND WORST ...

Well, for some unknown reason I was unable to get E! Live on the Red Carpet!  I called the cable company, I unplugged the t.v. to reboot it ... NOTHING.  SO, I had to go with Channel 7's coverage which is NOT NEARLY AS IN DEPTH as E!  Needless to say Mama was pissed. 

So, with that in mind ... let's get started!


Alicia Vikander.  Beautiful!  She looks very young and sweet and elegant.  Love the color of this gown .... Grade:  A


Jennifer Lawrence.  BEAUTIFUL!  Love the hair, love the make up, love the the gown.  WINNER WINNER WINNER!!!  Grade:  A++


Brie Larson.  I'm not really feeling this gown.  The color is beautiful but the belt and the bling and the ruffles and the pleats ... there's a lot going on here.  Grade:  C



Nice guy Dave Grohl and wife.  Class Couple!  Love her dress and earrings ... very pretty. Dave .... it's the ACADEMY AWARDS .... a traditional tux would have worked much better and you would have looked SO HANDSOME.  Wife Grade:  A, Dave's Grade:…