2022 OSCARS BEST AND WORST ...

Olivia Coleman.  AN ACTING MONSTER!!  If you haven't seen it, hurry and catch "The Lost Daughter."  Man what a movie.  Dakota Johnson was also in this film and also gave a great performance.  As for the gown, not my favorite of the evening, but she is so incredible I'm giving her an A. 

.Miss Lupita Nyong'o ALWAYS nails it.  I find her absolutely adorable.  Grade:  A

Jessica Chastain.  Glad she won for Tammy Faye, but I was so upset she did not get an Emmy nomination for "Scenes from a Marriage" -- she was PHENOMENAL in that role.  I LOVE this gown!  It goes with her coloring.  Absolutely beautiful.  Grade:  AAA+++  WINNER WINNER WINNER!

OK.  I'm old and I don't know who this is but I LOVE LOVE LOVE the gown.  She is perfection!  Grade:  AAA+++ WINNER WINNER WINNER!!!

H.E.R.  I don't like it.  It looks like it's not finished.  

Grade:  F

Kristin Stewart.  Mhmmm.  I guess you could consider this cutting edge.  Maybe at the Grammy's, but not the Oscars.  On second thought, after that slap, ANYTHING goes now.  Grade:  B-

Lily James, Cinderella herself looking very Cinderella-ish and very pretty in pink.  Grade:  A

UH.  This looks like an oversized piece of architecture with an actual door-knocker on the left sleeve.  Who in the world dressed you?  Grade:  D

Nicole Kidman.  JUST ONCE I'd like to see Nicole in a nude or pink lip.  I'm so done with this red.  CHANGE IT UP A LITTLE JEEZ!!  Dress:  Very 1950's.  Not loving the points at the breast.  Peplum is ok, I guess.  She kinda looks like a pencil.  Grade:  C-

Nikolaj Coster-Waldau.  He is kind of my new Viggo.  He's an incredible actor.  Not feeling this white tux though  P.S. If you want to see a REALLY good movie you need to rent "Shot Caller"  INCREDIBLE.  Nik gets an A for his gorgeous face and a D- for his funky tux.

So apparently, Serena is wearing a custom-made Gucci gown, but just between you and me it looks like she bought it off-the-rack at Charlotte Russe.  Just sayin'  Grade:  D-

Totally LOVED this red tux!  Grade:  AAA+++ WINNER WINNER WINNER!!!

ADORABLE Timothy Chalamet.  Grade:  A

The other Miss Williams.  I can't be certain, but I think she put this on backwards.  The tits were obviously out this year.  Grade:  D

Wesley Snipes is not looking well.  

Miss Zendaya!  Girl ALWAYS brings it!  This is a winner for sure!  Love the cropped shirt and the sequined skirt.  She is adorable!  Grade:  AAA+++ WINNER WINNER WINNER!!!

Zoe Kravitz once again channeling Audrey Hepburn.  Grade:  B+

Ariana Debose.  LOVED the pants!  BUT, the bra could have fit a lot better.  Grade:  A

Penelope Cruz - LOVE!

TITS ON PARADE:

a little slippage ...

and that's all she wrote folks.

UNTIL next year ... maybe.

ACTUALLY, I'm going to post some after party pics.  I'm sure you'll agree that lots of these stars should have worn their "after party frock" to the Oscars instead of what they wore.

Zendaya is the definition of COOL

Kristin should have worn this to the Awards show instead of those shorts.

An actual blue beluga whale!

MUCH BETTER.

WHAT tha fuck?  Norma Desmond goes cycling chic?

Still decided to go with a bag/gown.  Whatever.

Are you as tired of the Morticia locks as I am?  

Olivia should have worn this to the award show.  Not the silver.

Another instance where she should have worn this to the award show.

And here too.  Very chic.

And THAT'S all she wrote!

2022 OSCARS ...

 Will Smith is an asshole.  Period.

Will and Jada are CONSTANTLY telling the entire fkn world every intimate detail of their lives which I personally CANNOT STAND.  NO ONE CARES about your kids, or your bizarre marriage.  You are nothing more than two EXTREMELY rich, narcissistic people who mistakenly believe that you are the arbiters of all things related to life.  You're not.  

Jada Pinkett said she didn't give a damn who didn't like her bald head.  She literally shaved her head on Instagram for the whole world to see.  And now you're going to go all postal because of a G.I. Jane joke?!  Lots of black women go with the bald or super short hair look.  No big deal.  Alopecia or not.  I've find it extremely chic.  There was no reason for Jada to roll her eyes after INFORMING THE WHOLE WORLD ABOUT HER SHAVED HEAD.  THEN, after Will laughs at the joke, BING, BANG BOOM!  He up and slaps Chris Rock on live T.V. during THE ACADEMY AWARDS!  Then, goes back to his seat and continues to curse LOUDLY about keeping his wife's name out your FKN mouth!  Not a good look.  

According to the Academy, he was asked to leave but refused (of course), because he believes himself to be Black Moses above and beyond reproach.  Goes on to win his stinking award, then makes a stupid, self-indulgent speech about taking abuse from people and how he's called by GOD to do what he does and the entire place erupts in a standing ovation.  As Jim Carrey said --- Hollywood is SPINELESS.

I'm no psychiatrist but here's my take.

Do you all remember when Jada had an "entanglement" (her words) with her son's friend?  She basically cheated on Will Smith and then the two of them decided to talk about it on her ridiculous Red Table show.  You could see the anger in Will Smith's face and Jada basically giggled throughout and asserted that she was so unhappy, etc., that she went ahead and had a relationship with this dude because she needed to help "heal" someone.  Apparently, her paramour was having a drug problem.  SMH.  

SO, my feeling is that Will Smith, who apparently has been totally faithful to Jada, has been humiliated by his wife.  He should just divorce her ass, get some quality therapy and meds and move on from that mess.  NO EXCUSE for his behavior. But he is obviously dealing with some serious issues lurking in his subconscious that need to be dealt with.

As for his speech, whining about taking abuse from people?  You spoiled, rotten gazillionaire.  Real people take shit from bosses, co-workers, people EVERY DAY OF THEIR LIVES and we do not slap the shit out of anyone!  Even if they deserve it.  Know why?  Because "regular" people get arrested, go to jail, get fired, have to find another job, now we have a record of physical violence, blah blah blah and WE DON'T HAVE $600 MILLION DOLLARS to make it all go away you fkn crybaby,  Be a man.  Divorce your old lady and MOVE the hell on to a woman who will have a lot more respect for you.

I'm sorry readers, but this horrible incident really pissed me off.  

Personally, I think they gave him that Oscar just to shut him up. I saw that movie and it was OK.  Compared to Denzel Washington in the Tragedy of MacBeth?????  PLEASE.  You all decide to give the Oscar to Will Smith? 

I hope Chris Rock sues his ass for $200 million dollars and that the Academy bans Will Smith for life.  

Let's face it.  The last couple of years the Academy Awards have lost all their magic.  I used to call it my Superbowl.  Now, I doubt I'll ever watch it again.  They've become too politically correct, they openly pander, and I do not believe that ART has a color, a political or a gender affiliation.  iT JUST IS.

All in all, this was a very sad turn of events.  The Oscars will NEVER be the same, and I'll tell you one thing, if they invite him back next year to award the Best Actress, I'll eat my shoes.

I'M SO ANNOYED!!!

ALL THESE GOD DAMN SUPERMODELS POSTING PICTURES OF THEIR ABS, THEIR TITS, AND TELLING US TO "ACCEPT" OURSELVES!!!!  KILL ME PLEASE!!

ONE:    If I looked like Elizabeth Hurley I'd be happier than a pig in shit.  

Dear Liz, YOU are a shallow, empty, narcissistic, thirsty 56 year old with great tits and a flat stomach.  Good for you.  Be thankful you don't live in the real world as I can guarantee you would have NO friends whatsoever.  

And P.S. I left out conceited.  

And just for funsies, HERE is what you would look like if you aged like the rest of us ugly bitches:

Without Work

YEAH.  You'd look AVERAGE.  Nothing special.  Like the rest of us broads.  You'd probably kill yourself without Botox, fillers and liposuction.    
Now get the hell over here and let me slap the shit outta you! 

NEXT ...

TWO:  Paulina Porizkova crying on Instagram about being old.

Paulina, you've had a FABULOUS life.  You're rich and famous and your life isn't over.  Right, you are no longer 22.  But you are still beautiful and thin.  Most of us fat, ugly bitches would kill to look OLD like you.  Put your fuckin big girl panties on and deal with it.  JEEZ.  You post these pics only to receive gallons of sympathy from all of us pathetic bitches and honestly woman, you do not deserve gallons of sympathy for dealing with what millions of middle aged women deal with everyday.  Yeah.  We become invisible about age 40-45.  Yeah.  It hurts.  It's sad to all females when men stop looking us, but IT IS WHAT IT IS.  YOU'VE GOT TO GET A SPINE!  

THIRD:    Linda Evangelista.  OK OK, she got that cool sculpting procedure and totally fucked up her face and body, and now she never leaves the house.  

Linda, that lump above your bra?  That's called back fat and EVERY WOMAN HAS IT.  

Are you serious right now?  Your face looks like a normally aged face.  You hardly look like a monster.  Your problem is you want to look like you're still 27.  Honey, WE ALL DO.  Ain't gonna happen.

This lumpy stomach and thighs?  HONEY ... THIS IS EVERYONE!  You basically look like me.  Sad, I know.  But like you, I once was thin and cute.  IT HAPPENS.  You don't have cancer.  You're in your 50's.  JEEZ.

ACCEPT YOURSELF.  That's all you can do.  Yeah, you can sue the people who screwed up your face, but that is not going to change anything.  

Paulina and Liz ... 

THIS IS WHAT ACCEPTING YOURSELF LOOKS LIKE.  

Ladies, learn a little humility.  Read a book.  Become more spiritual.  Don't look in the mirror 24/7.  It isn't healthy.  And BE GRATEFUL.  

THANK YOU.  DAMMIT!

DADDY ...

I have been M.I.A. lately and have not posted anything in months. My beautiful Daddy passed away on January 10, 2022, a mere five days before his 92nd birthday. It was a year of spending every weekend at his house to take care of him and give my sister a break. He was THE MOST WONDERFUL, PERFECT father ever. So very evolved for a Hispanic man who raised his daughters to live on their own, experience life and find out who were were as women. Never judged. Never criticized and never shamed any of his children. He was a prince of a man with the soul of a poet and I will miss him every day until I die.

Probably about 19

Mom and Dad

Me and Daddy

Daddy with Uncle Chato and Tony

L.A. 1950s

Daddy - Korean War

1960's 

Abel Martinez, Jr.

1/15/1930 - 2/10/2022

Chris Cuomo, Tucker Carlson and others (basically, a rant) ...

IN light of Tucker Carlson and his spin on January 6, and Chris Cuomo sharing info with his lying, sexually perverted brother THEN come to find out Chris is a sexual harasser as well, I thought it was important that all you young kids know that a long time ago, there was a man by the name of Walter Cronkite. 

He said the news.

ONLY THE NEWS.

Not how he FELT about the news.

Not what he THOUGHT about the news.

Not how he OBTAINED the news.

He just REPORTED the news.  That’s all. 

He was the most trusted man in America. 

 

I miss those days.

 

I also miss the days when you could give your kid a beat down in the grocery store without getting arrested.

NEXT

Khloe Khloe Khloe.  SIGH.

1.    NEVER NEVER NEVER make a baby with someone unless you're married.  Not that this insures that your man will not cheat, but at least you would have legal recourse to nail his ass via lots and lots of dollars -- MILLIONS of dollars.

2.    If he is dating you and cheating on his pregnant girlfriend at the same time, this is what you would call a BIG FUCKIN RED FLAG.

3.    The first time he cheats on you will not be the last, as time has shown.  He is showing you who he is.  Pay attention.

4.    If he makes a baby with someone else while he is with you, END IT.  Do not  do not give him a second chance, do not pass GO, do not collect $200.  LEAVE.  PERIOD.  And NEVER go back.  EVER.  

5.    Do NOT date ANYONE in their 20's.  I'd say 35 to 40 would be a wiser choice.  You need a mature man who knows who he is,  However, finding this in your world is not very likely.     

Unfortunately, since you did not adhere to items 1 thru 4 above, it very well may be too late for you.  

My parting advice:

Get some therapy, figure your shit out, DO THE WORK, LEARN from your mistakes and don't repeat them.  You'd be surprised how much better you will feel about yourself as a woman and a person.

But I know you won't do any of this and more than likely you will:

(a) Give Tristan another chance;

(b) Have another baby with Tristan;

(c) Marry Tristan and hope for the best.

GOOD LUCK.

NEXT ...

Kayleigh McEnany said she didn't lie in the White House briefing room because she went to Oxford, Harvard, and Georgetown and was a Christian

Hey Kaylie, ever heard of Jim Bakker?  Jimmy Swaggert?

THEY WERE CHRISTIANS TOO.

I love how you think that saying you're a Christian is supposed to absolve you of lying when you did, in fact, LIE multiple times.  You're a lying liar and we all know it.  And Jesus doesn't like you.

And SOMEONE PLEASE fire this nut case Marjorie Taylor Greene.  

That's all.

I'M TIRED OF CELEBRITIES TELLING US HOW TO AGE GRACEFULLY ...

So, Suzanne Somers just turned 75.  In honor of her birthday, she decided to post of photo of her gorgeous legs to inspire the rest of us hags that we too, can have legs like Suzanne.

1.    Obviously has leg makeup on.

2.    Obviously airbrushed,

3.    And put on some pantyhose please.  

Years ago I wrote a post about Suzanne Somers and her claim that she and Alan have sex three times a day.  Please re-enjoy.



This is Amy

So I was playing around on Facebook the other day and happened upon the brilliant Amy Ferris (writer/blogger and person extraordinaire) who happened to mention that Suzanne Somers says she and her husband have sex three times a day.  Now Suzanne is all about the sexy and she wants us to be all about the sexy too.  (eyes rolling).  Suzanne Somers takes hormones so she can be sexy, which also means that she still gets a period.  At 66.  ANY MORON WHO STILL WANTS TO GET A PERIOD AT 66 DESERVES TO HAVE SEX THREE TIMES A DAY.  As for me, I don’t.  I prefer to remember when I was young and sexy and DID have sex three times a day.  I couldn’t get enough sex.  But that was then.  Now I’m 64.  I do not want to have sex three times a day.  I really don’t.  And no amount of hormones and Pilates is going to make me want to have sex three times a day.  I think Suzanne just wants the rest of us old broads to feel jealous that she is having sex three times a day when the reality is most of us don't give a shit about having sex three times a day, nor do we give a shit that Suzanne having sex three times a day.  We, the REAL women of America, feel this way because we know that (1) she is a fucking liar; and (2) she is an idiot.  

 

So Suzanne, if you want to take your hormones and get a period, and buy tampons and have sex three times a day, knock yourself out.  But don’t tell the entire world about it ok.  We really don’t care.  You and your diet books and your sexy advice can go jump off a cliff.  It’s called “LIFE” Suzanne.  You’re young, then you’re old.  DEAL WITH IT.  And one day, you’re actually going to die.  You gotta deal with that too.  That’s why you have to take hormones to be sexy at 66 because by the laws of nature, you are not supposed to be sexy at 66.  You MORON. 

 

NEXT ...

 

Michelle Pfeiffer - Age: 63

“

“I haven’t changed my skin routine in over ten years. My routine is simple: I cleanse, I moisturize, that’s it.” – Michelle Pfeiffer

I love you Michelle, but you're a big fat liar.  

You've had a nose job, fillers, Botox and probably some lipo.  Just own it.

NEXT ...

Gwyneth Paltrow.  Naked.  Gwyneth is thirsty.

What is it with these broads?  If they were truly embracing the aging process they wouldn't be injecting themselves with fillers and Botox and sucking fat out of their bodies and posting naked pictures of themselves all over the internet.  (1) They KNOW they look great and, better than the rest of every woman on the planet who is the same age as they are, which in my opinion makes them nothing more than conceited and self-absorbed.    The truth is these ladies are TERRIFIED of aging, LOOK AT ME!  I'M NAKED and I'M 60.  AREN'T I HOT?!  No.  You're THIRSTY ... and that is SAD.