HAPPY 2014!!!!

With the New Year here folks feel fresh and ready to say goodbye to the old and hello to the new.  We aspire to new goals, ways to improve as an individual and a citizen of the world.  Plans to start working out, eating better, losing some weight, finishing that book, take on a deeper spiritual life, stop swearing and on and on.  I, for one, am staying the same old cranky bitch that I’ve always been that way I won’t be disappointed when I don’t accomplish losing 30 lbs, exercising regularly and stop swearing like a sailor.  It’s just more realistic.

So, as 2014 begins I have been perusing the usual rags and ran across this headline:

FIT AND HEALTHY MATURE WOMEN! 

So OF COURSE, I had to take a gander so I could critique/curse/hate-on and  basically JUDGE, JUDGE, JUDGE (insert smiley face here)

FIRST, Ms. Susan Lucci aka Erica Kane (the ONLY role he's ever played in her ENTIRE LIFE) ... except when she played Mafia Princess Annette Giancana.

Now in my humble opinion, this is NOT a fit and healthy look for a mature woman.  This is a scrawny, boney, bobble headed look for a mature woman.  This is why you should not be a size 0 when you're 60.  If she were a size 6 or an 8 she'd look great.  A size 2 or a zero ... ick. 



She’s all gristle and bone.  NOT attractive at all, but I'm certain there will be those who would cut off their right tit to be this thin.  More power to you ... I guess.   

NEXT ....

Jane Seymour.  Jane has been married forty five times and is one of those gals that MUST procreate with EVERY man she's married.  Jane just divorced husband number 4 after something like 20 years which makes me think she was probably hanging on hoping against hope that she could turn it around because who wants to be a four time loser.  Anywhoo, I can't help but think that this photo was totally staged.  I mean who poses like that?  And that kid on her hip?  Probably her grandchild … just to make the rest of us feel especially BAD.  Thanks a lot Jane. 

LOOK AT ME!!

In the article Jane says: 

“I just want to be as healthy as I can be for as long as I can. No diets here,” she says.  "I hate to deny myself things. If I have pasta, I'll just eat half of it.
“I always wear a hat when I’m out in the sun. I drink a lot of water, and my skin is at its best when I’ve had sleep.”
 

SEE!  They all say the same fucken thing.  Eat healthy, drink lots of water blah blah blah.  I say she barfs after her pasta, has had liposuction, fat melting procedures, Botox (which she said she tried and hated), Juvederm, fillers, etc., et al.  JUST SAY IT JANE!  Make the women of the world feel better about themselves.  OWN IT GIRLFRIEND ... just say “I had my eyes done, my boobs done, lipo, fillers … FOR THE LOVE OF GOD JUST SAY IT!!!!

NEXT ...

Oy … Look at them ... 

 

Kim:  "Whose butt is bigger?  I know, let's take a picture of our butts and then put it on the internet!"

 

 

Kim Kardashian (though she is getting really redundant and boring as hell because all she does is take selfies of herself) case in point …. she starts off the new year photographing her GIGANTIC ASS YET AGAIN.  This is ALL she ever does.  She's 33 years old and a new mother but it seems her sole reason for existing is to photograph her big ol butt to post on the internet every day of her miserable, narcissistic existence. 

 

BTW – her friend’s butt needs to be in Guinness.  That thing is the size of a small child.  She could rest a book on it.  All I can say is, when regular butts come back into vogue these girls are going to spend a FORTUNE on liposuction.  And we can blame all this gigantic butt business on Jennifer Lopez.  NO ONE would ever DARE flaunt an ass that BIG until Jennifer Lopez started flaunting hers. 

 



[insert pic of Jennifer’s ass]

 

OK.  I have not been religiously watching the Housewives but when I do I cannot help but wonder why the hell Kyle is wearing that GIGANTIC, UGLY necklace?!

 



(This was the only picture I could find).

And just for fun ...

Kyle before and after ...



 



"ARF ARF"

 

 

SMOOCHES DARLINGS!  Until next time!  And don't forget!  The Golden Globes are coming!  Stay tuned for my Best and Worst!