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Apparently, there was a big ol gala the other night ...

An Evening at the 2013 Met Gala.  The event where Kim K wore that hideous, couch fabric schmata.  I thought I'd include a few more pictures for your enjoyment ...

Beyoncé ... Versace print, with Versace print boot, with Versace print train.  WHAT THE FUCK IS WITH ALL THE PRINT?  First Kim and now Beyoncé.  I think the boots need to go.  Maybe it would have looked better with a sexy, slinky shoe.  What do you think?  And I don't like the leather belt ... on a scale from 1 to 10, 10 being best, I give it a 6.

Cate Blanchet.  LOVE.  A 10 + 15.  WINNER WINNER WINNER.

Claire Danes.  BLEH.  BORING BORING BORING.  This gal never jazzes it up.  I'm giving her a 2 ... and that's being generous.

The beautiful Amanda Seyfried ... went and dyed her hair dark red and wore wall paper for a gown.  She's running a close second to Kim K.  Giving her a 6. 

Gisele Bundgen.  YEAH, YEAH, YEAH you got great legs and gorgeous hair and you know it therefore you're getting a 1.  Thank you.

Linda Evagelista looking like a Renaissance princess.  Ethereal and lovely.  Grade 9.    

The Hobbit goes Boho.  Grade:  3

It looks like she purchased her gown from Camping World.  It looks like a tent with spangles.  Is this supposed to be taking a fashion risk?  If so, you failed.  Grade ZERO.

La Lopez channeling Lola Falana.  AS much as I HATE to ... I'm giving her a 10.  Fucken bitch. 

Madge.  Great legs, sexy pink ankle straps, black Cleopatra wig.  SO FASHION FORWARD, SO RISKY, SO FUCKEN RIDICULOUS.  ZERO TO THE MINUS OF 10 ... A MINUS ZERO ... OFF THE CHARTS BAD.  Why don't you get yourself a twin set and some pearls and go away quietly.  

Michelle Williams.  GORGEOUS.  A 10 + 20 - WINNER, WINNER, WINNER

Blake Lively.  10 - beautiful girl, tall and gorgeous.  Love the gown, definitely a winner.

Emma Watson - 10.  Nothing more to be said.  Except that I LOVE the shoes.  She is perfection.  

Gwen Steffani ... you forgot to finish putting your hair up.  You look like a wrinkly mess and that's not usually like you.  Though it pains me, you're getting a 2 girlfriend.  

I LOVE KATE BECKINSALE.  She ALWAYS looks fabulous.  Grade:  10

Katie Holmes.  SHE'S FREEEEEEEE!  Looking lovely in white - Grade:  15.

I LOVE this gown ... sort of Marie Antoinette goes punk.  Look at the spikes on those shoulders.  Grade:  10 (OMG ... I just noticed!  Check out this dude!  NO SOCKS!)

Now here's a real punk.  Miley Cyrus.  Looking like a punk.   Hate the hair, hate the dress, hate the ring, hate it all.   Grade:  Minus zero. 

Minka Kelly.  LOVE THIS.  Beautiful color, beautiful girl, even love the frauline braids.  Grade:  12

Nicki Minaj.  The human cartoon channeling Chaka Khan from 1974.  Grade:  1.  HATE THE ENTIRE LOOK.

Nicole Richie.  Wearing the actual wig that George Washington wore when he was inaugurated in 1789.   

Gwyneth ... The Princess of Hollywood in Bubble Gum pink.  Grade:   UGLEEEE.

The Princess of Sadomasicism.  Grade:  3

Rooney Mara.  Exquisite!  WINNER WINNER WINNER ... Grade 15

Sarah Jessica.  The dress is okay but the Roman soldier helmet .... not a good choice.  

Uma Thurman channeling Julie Newmar.  Grade:  8.

So that's it ladies and germs.  Hope you enjoyed my critique and if you have anything to add, please feel free.



  1. Jesus Christ, is it Halloween or what??? You are WAY too generous. I agree about Michelle Williams, though. She's precious.

  2. Beyonce: girl never met a hideous fabric or a sparkle she didn't beat to death in an outfit. NO.

    Cate Blanchett: she always looks good, but the theme of the Met Ball was Punk not The Great Gatsby. NOT SO MUCH.

    Claire Danes: pretty girl, but this is a little too 'dinner with the in-laws' NO.

    Amanda Seyfried: we literally had a couch with this fabric when we lived in Miami. It was HO-rendous then, and it's HO-rendous today. GOD NO.

    Gisele Bundgen: girl needs a new stylist because she always looks like this. Points for the hottest accessory Tom Brady NOT SO MUCH.

    Linda Evagelista: this doesn't say Punk Met Ball as much as it says, 'Wench, bring me some mead.' NOT SO MUCH.

    Olson Twin # 1: this looked better when you wore it under the bridge you troll doll. NO.

    Olson Twin #2: The caftan was retired when Liz Taylor died. NO.

    JLo: body hugging animal print again? Oh, honey, no, no NO.

    Madge: she got the memo: Punk.Plus, she looks good for an 86-year-old woman. YES.

    Michelle Williams: pretty girl in a dull dress. mullets aren't for hairstyles or clothing. NO.

    Gwen Steffani: every hotel room comes with an iron, use it. And get a comb. NO.

    Kate Beckinsale: this doesn't say Punk, it says 'This is a leftover costume from Showgirls' NO.

    Katie Holmes: white? Honey, please. Plus, this isn't punk, this is prom dress before it's hemmed. NO.

    Miley Cyrus: hate her, love the look. She got the memo, too. YES.

    Minka Kelly: it's a no for the dress [Punk!] and a Hell Yes for that ass. MEH.

    Nicki Minaj: love her, hate the dress. The Bride of Frankenstein hair and the rejected Paula Abdul dress? NO.

    Nicole Richie: looks like Schwarzenegger's long-lost daughter from when he played Mr. Freeze in that Batman movie in the 1950s. Punk hair? Check? Dress? NO.

    Paltrow: Bubble gum pink? Bitch please. Check yourself. NO.

    Rooney Mara: for once she didn't wear black, but this time black would have been better. MEH.

    SJP: a crown? Really? I bet Anna Wintour snatched that off her head right after the photo op. NO.

    Uma: so not punk but oh so gorgeous. MEH.

  3. Did Beyoncé borrow Angelina Jolie's leg for her photo?

  4. Aye Debbie,
    you had me cracking up! I so swear you should be commenting on the Fashion Police. Take tired Joan Rivers place.

  5. I agree--you & Joan need to talk!! LMAO like crazy. I hate J Lo & Madge, and always love your snark on them. xoxo

  6. Never saw this blog before but you had me at before hello! I laughed all the way through it.

    1. THANKS!!!! Come back for more :)


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