2023 CRITICS CHOICE AWARDS RED CARPET ...

I LOVED this gown. Grade:  A+ Winner Winner Winner!!!

LOVED this gown.  So feminine!  However, she should have done something with her hair.  It looks a little Mary Todd Lincoln to me.  Because the gown is so light it is a little difficult to see the detail but it's beautiful.  Grade:  A+ 

This is just beautiful.  I love the fabric.  Her hair and makeup are perfect.  Grade:  A+

Patricia Arquette.  Pobrecita.  She is incredibly talented but not when it comes to putting herself together.  This minty green gown is all wrinkled, the necklace is too heavy for the dress, the hair is terrible and so is the makeup.  Grade:  F

Marcia Gay Harden.  Once again, a super-talented actress, but this dress?  SMH.  Hair and makeup are good, but the dress should either be short or long, preferably long to cover up her pasty white legs.  And in my opinion, pantyhose seriously needs to make a comeback.  Also, black and green brocade?  NO.  Grade:  D-

Julia Roberts.  Swear to God I have this same dress but it's short and I wore it on New Year's Eve a few years ago.  OK.  The Princess of Hollywood ... please allow me to critique.  Have you ever noticed how the tip of her nose literally touches the top of her upper lip?  Look at other faces. There is a decent amount of space between the nose and the upper lip.  She could easily touch the tip of her nose with her tongue and that's just gross.  Because I can't stand Julia Roberts she gets an F.  Period.  (please God don't let her die in the next few days). 

Niecy Nash.  VA-VA-FUCKN-BOOM!  All I would change about this look is she needed some bling.  Either earrings or a necklace.  And that dress must have some super industrial strength cups to hold up those girls of hers.  Other than that, Miss Niecy gets a solid B+

Sheryl Lee Ralph.  Gotta say, wasn't sure how I felt about this gown, but on camera it was gorgeous!  Grade:  B+ 

Elle Fanning.  It's a little hard to see the dress because it blends right into her skin color, but it looks like Marie Antoinette went frolicking in the garden and tore her gown on a bramble bush.  Grade:  B

Anya Joy-Taylor.  From the waist up everything is perfection.  The hair, the makeup, and that gorgeous necklace.  However, I do not want to see anyone's lady parts.  This would have been a home run if she'd had a petticoat or lining under that skirt.  Grade:  B

WTF is this?  A blouse and a tux and an undergarment from 1850?  All layered together?  With huge black high-top tennis boots?  This is what you'd call Fashion suicide.  A Glamour DON'T.  If you put this together yourself, get a stylist.  If your stylist put this together for you, FIRE HIM.  

LOVE LOVE LOVE!!! WINNER WINNER WINNER!  Simple, elegant, perfection!  Grade:  AAA!!!

Another Princess of Hollywood Kate Hudson (hate her) -- This is a pretty gown but I don't like the netting at the bottom of the gown.  It makes it look cheap.  And her hair looks dirty.  Grade:  D-

michelle Yeo.  Very elegant.  Grade:  A

Michelle Williams.  Michelle ... this is so blah.  It misses on glamour, it misses on style, it misses all the way around.  Hair and makeup are good, but my advice?  When you get home tonight burn that gown.  Grade:  F-  

The phenomenal Angela Bassett.  Loved this gown but I did not like the choker necklace.  It was all wrong.  The gown, however was beautiful.  Grade:  A-

Eve Hewson.  Bono's daughter.  She's a beautiful girl and I LOVE this gown.  The hair and makeup are gorgeous, and I love the red lip.  Grade:  A

Rhea Seehorn looks a little too 1980s. The hair and makeup are good. She was on "Better Call Saul" which I LOVED so Rhea is getting an A. 

Janelle Monae.  A very talented lady but her choice of gown is lacking.  I don't like the slits at the hip.  If those weren't there I'd give her a C.  Didn't love the hair but damn she has a beautiful face.  Grade:  C 

Ladies and Germs Pay Attention.  This is the frock you wear when you want to look fat.  A baggy dress with (kill me) a belt.  Grade: F-

Aubrey Plaza.  The top of this gown looks blurry, right?  I kept trying to focus but there was no improvement.  A dress should not be an optical illusion.  Grade:  C 

That's all folks!  See you at the Oscars!

2023 GOLDEN GLOBES RED CARPET COMMENTS FROM THE FUNNIEST MAN ON THE INTERNET ...

 Too funny not to share!

Bob of "I Should Be Laughing" blog -- hilarious comments on the Golden Globes. 

 

I liked Laverne’s hair but the dress made her book lopsided.

I liked Swank’s look, even the color because it was different, but those ribbons look ridiculous … like reins.
Ana and Angela made my tops, too. Gorgeous.
Ana Gasteyer was funny onstage, and clearly funny on the carpet when you see her dress.
Austin Butler gives me meth head Elvis.
That next one looks like Cinderella got knocked up at the ball.
Bob Odenkirk skipped all the fittings for the tux.
Gosh I love Claire Danes but this gives me Little Miss Muffet Sat On A Wedding Cake.
Daisey looks like she forgot the dress and wore the undergarments. I hear the actual gown was beautiful.
I forget their name, but they are non-binary and are on House of the Dragon, so I kind of get the look, but the makeup is odd.
Jean Smart is simple and classic and chic.
The next one is meh for me.
I liked Jenna Ortega’s look. It reminded me of Lily James without all the stiff cardboard fabric.
Jennifer’s look was simple but she elevated it with her two speeches.
Tyler James Williams in an odd suit [?] that looks like he got rained on pajama ensemble.
Jessica Chastain. Yes ma’am.
Who told that guy he could pull off a baby blue tie, cuz he can’t.
Julia Garner in Pepto Abysmal.
Lily James. Too much fabric, too stiff, too red, too try hard.
Viola looked good, like a long, tall blue sponge soaking up red carpet water.
Sigourney. Oh honey, you look pregnant in that dress and your hair looks like you just crawled out of an alley after an all-night bender.
Seth Rogan. Pink tuxedo. No. Never.
Is that a colostomy bag???
Selena Gomez looks old in that dress, but she could float in the pool and tether herself to the sides.
Sarah Polley. Very serious, and seriously hideous.
Salma is married to a billionaire who owns several fashion houses and this proves money and business connections can’t buy you anything but a ugly gown.
Natasha Lyon. The hair seems like a weird helmet, but the dress was okay, though the Frankenstein shoes were a bomb.
I love MJ’s dress; I love the architecture of it and that it wasn’t black and safe.
Michelle Williams looks like someone spilled a can of Pringles on her.
I gave Lisa Marie a hard time about this dress and maybe that killed her?***
Heidi has no taste in fashion or plastic surgeons.

***I’m gonna burn in hell for that one.

I LOVE HIM!  

2023 GOLDEN GLOBES RED CARPET ...

LET'S GET TO IT ...

Laverne Cox - Tres glam!  Love the hair, love the gown, love it all!  Grade:  A

Hilary Swank - In a barf green gown with black bows and streamers.  NO.  Grade:  C

Anna de Armas - Fabulous!  Grade:  A  WINNER WINNER WINNER!  

Angela Basset - Looking fantastic in silver!  Gorgeous!  Grade:  A

Anna Geyster - This gal needed more makeup, more bling, and a spray tan.  Looks like she just walked off the set of Avatar - the Way of Water.  Grade:  C- 

Austin Butler.  Super talented.  He won the Golden Globe for Best Actor and he looks very handsome in his tux.  Grade:  A+

A powder blue frock and gold opera gloves does not make this look a Golden Globe winner.  Quite the contrary.  Grade:  D- 

Bob Odenkirk of Better Call Saul (which was a FANTASTIC SERIES) however, it looks like Saul should have called a tailor.  This suit looks ill-fitting and funky.  Grade:  C-

Claire Danes really needs to get a stylist.  This looks like a prom dress from 1963.  All that's missing is the beehive and a tiara.  Grade:  D-

Daisy Edgar Jones in yet another black frock.  

Grade: B

Don't know who she is but this is a mess.  Is it a dress?  Is it pants?  Is it a plane?  And a blue streak in the hair with blue gloves for pop.  Complete fail.  Grade:  F double minus.  

Jean Smart in Black like everyone else.  However, she looks tres chic.  Grade:  B

.

 

Don't know who she is but she looks pretty perfect.  Grade:  A

Adorable Jenna Ortega.  However, there's kind of too much going on here.  Pleats, fabric, hardware ... Grade:  C-

Jennifer Coolidge IN BLACK.  Nothing special - Grade:  C

Dude looks like he's wearing a zoot suit that got wet in the rain.  Grade:  F-

Jessica Chastain.  Perfection.  Grade:  A

This dude looks like he wandered in off the street.  Grade:  There is no grade for this.  It's horrible.

Julia Garner.  I cannot stand those stiff curlicue ruffles.  Grade:  D

Lily James in WAY too much fabric.  Grade:  B-

Viola Davis.  I think she looks fabulous.  Too bad the hem got so wet.  Grade:  A

Sigourney Weaver IN BLACK.  Hun, this particular gown is ill-fitting and adds weight to your middle.  Also, you could have done something more with your hair and added some bling!  It's the Golden Globes for crying out loud!  Grade:  D-

Seth Rogan in a peach ice cream suit.  The only way to make Seth look worse is if his shoes were white.  And Lauren Miller in vintage (because this gown looks like something Alice Faye would have worn in the 1940s.)  Grade:  F- 

An oil slick with a very large psilocybin at the hip.  Grade:  D- 

Selena Gomez in black with grape-colored floaties and streamers.  She should have just worn the plain black gown.  Grade:  C

Sarah Polley.  Lose the jacket.  And probably the glasses.  Grade:  B, for ANOTHER black dress.

Salma ... at some point you've got to stop wearing the saloon-style frocks that smash your tits.  If I had tits like yours they'd be my pride and joy but in another few years, this look will become tres tacky.  Just sayin'.  Grade:  B- 

 

 

Natasha Lyonne.  Cat Woman in Clod-hoppers.  Grade:  F-

MJ Rodriguez wore a ruffle.  Grade:  D-

Michele Williams in a stiff, ruffly, curlicue.  Makes me itchy just looking at it.  Grade:  F-

Lisa Marie Presley aka Mistress of the Dark.  Grade:  F-

And last, but not least, the woman who shows up for every awards ceremony, ribbon cutting, and supermarket opening ... Heidi Klum - looking like two cents waiting for change.  Grade:  Double F-

That's it ladies and germs.  Until Oscar Time!

SMOOCHES!