As usual, my boyfriend in my mind Viggo Mortensen has once again been nominated for a Best Actor Golden Globe because EVERYTHING HE DOES MERITS A NOMINATION! Best Actor Everrrrrrr! Saw Green Book. LOVED IT. So let's send all our love through the ether for Mr. Mortensen!!
LET'S GET STARTED!
Giuliana Rancic - Golden Globes yearly hostess with the mostess. I gotta say she looks good. Very pretty dress and at least with this pose she does not look like a living human cadaver. Grade: A
OH LOOK! It's Mickey Mouse!
Lady GaGa - Gorgeous gown, incredible jewels ... blue hair? NO. Hon ... you're becoming a totally legit actress in Hollywood. There is no longer a need for theatrics and/or meat dresses. LOSE THE TATS. The hair would have looked much better au natural in a Veronica Lake sweep. Grade: B (it would have been an A, but the hair GaGa, the hair).
Connie Britton - Nice gown, great bod, but she could have put her hair up and gotten some big ol chandelier earrings or something. Instead, she looks like one of the Orange County Housewives. Grade: C
Heidi Fuckin' Klum - Don't you EVER have other plans?! I swear to god If there were a red carpet in front of my local CVS she'd show up in a gown with her tits hanging out.
OK folks .... remember how back in the olden days when someone got married we would make paper flowers out of napkins and string them on all the cars in the wedding party? I don't think I need to say anything more. Grade: F-
Idris Elba - the most beautiful man on the fuckin' planet. Grade: AAA+++
Regina King - PERFECTION! Nothing to add, nothing to take away, just PERFECTION! Grade: A+
Tanika Ray - Remember the big fish from last year's big winner "The Shape of Water?" This is his girlfriend.
Alex Borstein - I actually love this 40's style frock! Not loving the hair or the hair clip but if I could actually get into a dress like this I'd definitely wear it! Grade: B+
Allison Janey - Met her, love her! She looks PERFECT! Love the hair, love the dress, love the jewels! LOVE IT!! Grade: AA+++ WINNER WINNER WINNER!
Bradley Cooper and Irina Shayk. How can a woman be SO FUCKIN' BEAUTIFUL???? After I stopped crying, I was able to give these two the HOTTEST COUPLE Award.
Catriona Balfe - I absolutely loved her on Outlander. She is so beautiful! But in this outfit she kind of looks like a tulip. Grade: B
Camila Belle - I think this girl is beautiful. I love her gown, her makeup, her hair. She's lovely. Grade: AAA WINNER WINNER WINNER!!!
La Divinia, Catherine Zeta-Jones - MOVIE STAH!!!! Personally, I find her to be an obnoxious snob (even though I do admit that I bought some of her sheets from QVC).
(1) That dress is RIDICULOUS!
(2) The color is horrible!
(3) You need a spray tan!
(4) And it's not 1955!
(5) And please, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, cut some layers into your hair! Grade: F-
Charlize Theron - I always say you can never go wrong with black and white. Beautiful gown, and good hair. She definitely knows how to glam it up. I kind of find her to be full of herself though. Grade: B-
Constance Wu - Wow. Naked with an orange bow. Grade: D-
Janelle Monae - WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Sometimes taking a fashion risk is not worth it. This is one of those times. Grade: Double F-
Amy Adams - A long blue dress. BORRRRRRRRRRING. Grade: D-
Nicole Kidman - I cannot emphasize enough how much I HATE this style of dress!!! And the color! It's a cross between maroon mixed with mud. ICK!! And her bag looks like a baby planet. This is a MAJOR MAJOR GLAMOUR DON'T! Grade: F triple minus.
Debra Messing - Can an ostrich molt?
Jamie Lee Curtis - She looks fabulous. But I miss the salt and pepper hair. Has her hair actually gone all white? The dress is beautiful and she looks pretty damn good. But .... the dress might have looked better in black. With her white gown and her white hair .... too much white. Grade: A
Joanna Newsome - "I have this great big heart on, I wore it just for you"
Grade: Double F -
Darcy Carden - Orange / Blue / Mint green. What a mess. Grade: D
Glenn Close - FABULOUS!!!! I like it! She must feel so comfortable with all her junk hanging loose under that gown 😀😆 Grade: A
Dominique Jackson - This is just beautiful! Ethereal and feminine. I love it and she wears it well. Grade: A!
Emily Blunt - My ABSOLUTE FAVORITE ACTRESS!!! Love her! Love this grey, lacey gown. The hair is perfect, makeup too! Grade: AAA WINNER WINNER WINNER!!!!
Elizabeth Perkins - WHERE did you find this schmatta? FYI ... I have shoes just like yours. They're my WALKING SHOES. You're at the GOLDEN GLOBES for crying out loud! Get a stylist or don't go. Grade: F
Elizabeth Moss - Such a pretty PRETTY girl. Super talented too. But I think she left her pants at home. Grade: C
Indya Moore - Another example why one shouldn't take a fashion risk. Who wants to look like a chain link fence? Grade: F-
Emma Stone - this is a pretty gown IF YOU'RE FIFTY FIVE.
Rosamund Pike - GORGEOUS WOMAN and she's a fantastic actress. Did anyone see her film "Private War"? You really should. She was amazing. Love the entire look! The gown, the jacket, the hair, everything! Grade: AAA WINNER WINNER WINNER!!!
Judy Greer - LOVE HER, hate the outfit. WHERE do I begin. The pants are too long and too wide, the jacket is truly a man's and she could have skipped the bow tie. Bottom line, she looks like she's wearing her dad's tux. Grade: F-
Julianne Moore - VERY white. I like it. It's award season appropriate.
Kit Hoover - GORGEOUS shade of blue. I think this is a beautiful gown. Her hair and makeup are perfection. Grade: A!
Kristin Cavallari - I take it you didn't have time to get those sleeves altered. Too bad, because it's a beautiful gown but those sleeves are tres long. And your hair makes you kinda look like a pinhead. Maybe something looser and fluffier would have worked better. Just a thought. I'm also not feeling the lavender earrings. Grade: C-
Kristin Bell - LOVE HER! Beautiful and ethereal. Hair and make up are perfection! Grade: A!
I love this 30's vibe she has going. Sequince and glam with a beautiful fur stole! love it! Whoever you are you're getting a Grade: A!
Linda Cardellini - Beautiful gown hair and makeup. She played Viggo's wife in Green Book. I think she looks really lovely! Grade: A
Lucy Boynton - I'm am totally loving his very retro vibe with the edgy hair and make up. The gown is a tad too long, but other than that, I give this a Grade: A!
Luke Evans - My girlfriend Laura and I saw this handsome devil live and in person at a restaurant a few months ago. He was gorgeous and very tall! Grade: A
Lupita Nyong'o - ALWAYS NAILS IT! ALWAYS! Sheer perfection! Grade A!
Maya Rudolph - LOVE HER! I think Maya looks very beautiful in this black gown. I know there are lots of ruffles but I liiiiiiiike it. Grade B
This lady looks like a nurse who somehow wandered onto the red carpet and voila! And that pin looks like a name badge which completes the look.
Nancy O'Dell - Nancy, you're well into your 50's now. You gotta stop with the long, straight Morticia coif and the pageant gowns. Time to retire this look hon and admit that you're onto the next stage of life. Sweat pants and slippers. It happens to the best of us. Good luck and Grade: F
Natalie Morales - BEAUTIFUL! Love this orange gown and her hair and makeup are perfection! She sort of looks like Kate Beckinsale here. Grade A!
Thandie Newton - She is so freaking beautiful! Loved the gown, loved the hair, loved the makeup, loved it all! Grade: A