2014 GRAMMY AWARDS RED CARPET ...

OK.  Just realize that I know who NO ONE is.  Except of course, all the old farts like myself. 

 

BLACK SABBATH.  I was never into Black Sabbath.  My brother was.  And people who worshipped Satan.  However ... they've been nominated for a Grammy this year so I wish them luck.  Also, I think they deserve an award for still being alive.  Especially Ozzy.  Good luck guys.

 

This here is Bonny McKee.  (Who the hell is this???)  Anywho .... this gown is a bit too much for the Grammys.  Though her flame colored hair makes the deep blue of this gown pop ... her hair STYLE leaves much to be desired.  It looks like she just came out of the pool and didn't have time to do her hair.  Grade:  D-

 

 

Miss Chrissy Teigen.  John Legend's wifey-poo.  Very glam ... gold sequince gown, pretty hair, pretty makeup but you know what?  I don't think she's THAT pretty.  Call me crazy.  Sequince is always a risky fabric to go with because it can easily look cheap.  But ... she is quite pulled together.  Grade:  B+

 

 

This little dude right here is Ed Sheeran.  I only know this because I went with Laura when she dropped off her daughter Paulina and her girlfriend at his concert in L.A.  Paulina and her friend Sabrina are CRAZY about this guy.  The maroon tie is NOT happening and the shoes ... well, IT'S AN AWARD SHOW ED.  But because I LOVE Paulina, I'mona give Ed a good grade.  Grade:  A+

 

 

Giuliana Rancic the toothpick



 

 

Anorexic Giuliana Rancic.  I'm tired of pleading with you Giuliana.  You are an x-ray.  If that's how you want to go through life, more power to you.  But be advised that your limited intake of nutrition will kill you.  Just sayin'.

 

For black jumpsuit above:  Grade:  C-

 

For orange gown:  Grade:  A (love the color, love the dress, love the makeup). 

 

 

Faith Evans.  The hair is not cutting it.  The gown isn't cutting it.  The bag isn't cutting it.  Grade:  C (for not cutting it).

 

 

Paris Hilton looking very ladylike.  Mhmmm.  Though I hate to do so, I have to give her an A.  She looks quite elegant.  Even though she's a skanky ho.

 

 

Mr. John Legend.  The MOST elegant man on the red carpet.  I love him.  He is gracious, polite, talented, a real gentleman.  And he looks good too.  Grade:  A+

 

 

Tia Carrere.  The Heidi Klum of the Grammys.  Honey, ... you're old now.  The Michael Jackson jacket and big cross necklace are WAY 1980's.  Not a hip look my love.  I suggest you just fade away quietly and keep whatever's left of your dignity.  Grade:  F-

 

 

Willy Nelson looking a little bit like Annie Oakley with those long assed braids.  He also looks about 104.  I guess when you're that old you can do and dress any old way you like.  Grade:  F

 

 

Gloria Estefan.  The ONLY REAL LADY on the red carpet.  LOVE Gloria.  She is so elegant and tasteful.  Beautiful!  Grade:  A+

 

 

Taylor Swift.  ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL.  PERFECT.  Nothing more to say ... Grade:  AAA    WINNER WINNER WINNER!!!

 

 

Madge.  THE BEST FACELIFT EVER.  These two look quite snappy.  Ms. Madonna ... the most INAUTHENTIC human being on earth.  EVERYTHING this woman does is for press/publicity/controversy and everybody who knows me knows I hate Madonna.  However ... she looks put together.  Grade:  B(itch) ... I couldn't help myself.

 

 

Katy Perry.  She is so pretty.  I actually like the song notes on the front of her dress but I can't figure out the rest.  Are those big cuffs?  And it's a sheer round neck with a V-neck underneath????  There's too much going on.  Make up your mind Katy.  Grade:  C-

 

 

 

 

 Alicia Keyes.  Mhmmm.  Alicia, you're looking very J-Lo in the posterior and the open front is making me cold but other than that, this is a very pretty gown.    Grade:  B+

 



 

Sean Lennon, Yoko Ono and friend.  These three look extremely weird ... sorta like life-sized puppets.  Yoko is the tiniest woman with the biggest tits I've ever seen.  I DO blame her for the Beatles breaking up so I have never been a fan.  Grade:  BIG FAT FUCKEN F. 

 

 

 

Ashanti.  The only thing that is missing is the feather duster.  Grade:  D

 

 

Cyndi Lauper can do. No. Wrong.  I LOVE HER!  She's beautiful and quirky and VERY talented.  Beautiful songwriter and performer.  Grade:  A+

 

 

 

Stevie Nicks.  ANOTHER ONE WHO CAN DO NO WRONG.  LOVE HER.  A prolific songwriter, musician and singer.  This is what REAL TALENT looks folks!  Grade:  A+

 

 

Skylar Grey.  Skylar (whoever you are) ... if you wanted to go naked why didn't you just go naked instead of spending a ton of money on a nude colored leather gown?  And the tats are distracting as hell.  They look like dirt.  Grade:  F- to the nth degree.

 

So that's it for me folks.  Mama's been feeling under the weather the past week ... allergies - ugh.  If I missed anyone, forgive me.  Feel free to leave your thoughts/critiques/comments.  And don't forget ... THE OSCARS ARE ON THE WAY!!!!



THE CRITICS CHOICE AND SAG AWARDS WEEK IN REVIEW ...

So I totally missed the Critic's Choice Awards ... I mean where the hell as I?!  I didn't even know they were on television!  I must be losing it folks.  So I'll post just a few pics and then onto the SAG Awards ...

2014 CRITIC'S CHOICE AWARDS

Miss Abigail Breslin.  She looks very vampish and busty like, which is odd considering she is only like 17.  I mean, she looks pretty and all, but this whole ensemble makes her look like a 35 year old 1950's sex bomb ... don't you think?  Amy needs to tone it down ... just a little.  Grade:  C

  

So I guess Meryl and Julia are now BFFs since they are both in the same acting category (Julia you wish).  As for the frocks, both look like very serious, very unstylish, middle-aged actresses.  I just call it like I see it people.  Grade:  C-

Meryl's dress is EXACTLY like one my mother owned in 1967 and Julia's is exactly like the wallpaper my girlfriend had in her dining room ... IN 1980.   

 

(Pssst ... I think it's really funny how Julia thinks Meryl is really her BFF.  We all know that after award season she's gonna drop her like a bad habit.  I mean MERYL STREEP and JULIA ROBERTS????) Seriously?  Please.   

The gorgeous Jared Leto (aka Jesus) ... took the award for Best Supporting Actor.  Grade:  A+   GORGEOUS, GORGEOUS, GORGEOUS.

Lupita Nyong'o - PERFECTION.  This gal is fast becoming a style icon.  She's AMAZING.  Love this simple, white gown ... ELEGANCE PERSONIFIED.  Grade:  A+++ 

 

The GORGEOUS Margot Robbie.  I loved this jumpsuit.  Very hip and elegant.  Loved her hair, loved her makeup, loved it all ... Grade:  A+ with a twirl and a snap .... WINNER WINNER WINNER

One of my favorite gals, Sandra Bullock.  Looked beautiful is this berry colored gown with little ruffles and pretty belt.  Simple, elegant.  Grade:  A+   WINNER

2014 SCREEN ACTOR'S GUILD AWARDS

Ariel Winter ... JUNE IS BUSTING OUT ALL OVER .... GIRL. 

1.  She looks like she can't breathe; and
2. Her breasteses look like they're in pain. 

Set them free Ariel!  Set them free!  Grade:  DD's

 Amy Adams looking very elegant, very Wallis Simpson.  Grade:  A

  

The amazing Cate Blanchett winner of the Best Actress award ... I love this pink gown with the sparkle on the edge and neckline.  Grade:  A+  WINNER

The exquisite Lupiga Nyong'o.  LOVE TURQUOISE!!  This gown is amazing!  The color against her skin is absolutely gorgeous.  Her makeup, her hair, everything is PERFECTION!  A+++   WINNER WINNER WINNER. 

Sarah Paulson.  Her hair ruined the entire look.  The dress looks like it was made from an old parachute and the shoes are ALL wrong with those chains around the ankle.  Makeup - was TERRIBLE!  She looks as white as her dress.  A real shame because she is a pretty woman ... Grade:  F-

Jennifer Lawrence.  VERY simple.  She's adorable and she has a great body.  I'm not really feeling this purply/black sequince fabric, but for the overall look she is very elegant.  Mama's giving Jennifer a B+

Ok, I'm sure by now you all know that I can't stand Julia Roberts.  Here she is in a pink jumpsuit (just like the one I had in 1977 EXCEPT mine looked good on me).  What is this thing?!  It's STUPID that's what it is!  No bling, no glam .... BORING.  Grade:  F-

Kerry Washington.  Kerry, Kerry, Kerry ... WHAT WERE YOU THINKING GIRL?!  You looked so beautiful at the Golden Globes!  I know you're pregnant and all but this ensemble looks like it would look on me!  A 50-something year old gal with a big ol stomach.  NO.  This is A TERRIBLE LOOK for you.  And you were doing so well too.  Hon ... though I hate to do it, you're getting a big, fat F CAUSE THIS WAS ALL WRONG.

Emma Thompson and Meryl Streep.  Emma Thompson can do no wrong in my eyes.  She's fabulous and funny and a terrific actress and I LOVE HER!  Meryl always looks so staid.  Very bookish and sensible.  I'd like to see her glam it up a little. 

Emma:  A+  .... Love the 1940's applique and the slightly padded shoulders.  Even love the flat sandals.    

Meryl, love .... you simply MUST glam it up a bit!  Look at Helen Mirren.  She ALWAYS looks fabulous AND sexy.  Take a chance girl ... no one will think less of you.  I promise.  Grade:  C (for average, safe and boring).  And glasses?  Really Meryl?  We all know you're a serious actress but have some fun for crying out loud.

  

Claire Danes - Grecian Goddess gone punk gladiator.  There is just too much going on here.  Grade:  F-

Sandra Bullock looking very pretty in my least favorite color of all time.  HOWEVER, love the dress, love the shoes, love the hair, love it all.  Grade:  A+

 Camila Alves .... VA-VOOM!  Wow .. what a sex bomb.  Although she really could use some jewelry.  Grade:  A+

  

Isla Fisher - I think she is so pretty.  She has a very sweet, little girl beauty.  Hard to believe she's married to Sacha Baron Cohen (the grossest movie making man of all time).  She looks very 1930's in a lovely, silky, white slip of a dress, hair soft and beautiful, makeup good, earrings, perfect.  Grade:  A+

Edie Falco.  HOLY SHIT.  Hair - bad; shoes - bad; ankles - thick.  It looks like her toddler  made it - she just glued a bunch of paper mache butterflies all over this potato sack.  Yikes.  Grade:  F- (it actually hurts my eyes!)

Julia Louis-Dreyfus ... what can I say ... THE SAME OLD FUCKEN SIMPLE SKIN TIGHT DRESS.  I DO LIKE HER HAIR THOUGH.  Grade:  THE SAME.

Jennifer Grey.  I actually like this dress however, NOT for the Critic's Choice Awards.  A nice wedding or New Years Eve perhaps ... NOT the red carpet.  But, because it looks great on her.  Grade:  A

Mariah Carey.  F.  That's all.  A BIG, FAT F MINUS.  Fishnets?  Leather fingerless gloves?  Black suede pumps?  The dress is too short, the hair is too long, the legs are too fat.  Plus you're in too many eras girl!  (1980's, 1970s, 1990's!  Which is it!)

Juliette Lewis .... this dress looks like it was made out of the fabric on Lucy and Ricky Ricardo's patio furniture.  It also did not fit properly.  The neckline is too droopy and the length is too long.  All in all ... a DISASTER.  Grade:  F-

So that's it ladies and germs.  My Best and Worst on the red carpet.  Hope you enjoyed it.  Coming soon .... THE ACADEMY AWARDS!!!  Stay tuned ...

IT'S HERE, IT'S HERE!!!! GOLDEN GLOBE NIGHT 2014!!!

 

Today is the day I wait all year for!  It is the only day of the year that I have full control of the T.V.  My husband knows not to speak to me, bother me, or interrupt me for any reason whatsoever during the entire five hours of programming from Red Carpet arrivals to the actual broadcast and then on to the after parties.  Kind of like Super Bowl Sunday for men. 

The Golden Globes is really the best show of Award Season because the stars eat, drink and get drunk ... making for a "who knows what will happen" event.  Living here in Fabulous L.A. is a big plus for someone like me who LOVES LOVES LOVES the movies and all award shows.  I have worked in downtown L.A. all my life and for years the Academy Awards was held at the Dorothy Chandler which I could see from the 51st floor of my office.  It was SO EXCITING!  I could see all the limousines arriving, the red carpet, and all the people in attendance.  If I wanted to I could actually get in my car and drive to the Golden Globes Award Show tonight to catch all those fabulous folks on the Red Carpet but NO ONE likes to drive in L.A.  And besides, even if I had chosen to do so, I would have to have left yesterday because one must always allow for traffic.  It takes a year and a half to get ANYWHERE in Los Angeles. 

 

SO!  let's begin!

 

E! Hostess Giuliana Rancic looks quite beautiful.  Most of the time I rag on her boney physique but tonight she looked HEALTHY and GORGEOUS and not like a toothpick ... and I'm loving the shorter hair.  You did good Giuliana! 

Grade:  A+ 

Kelly Osbourn.  I really liked Kelly's dress although I have to say it is quite subdued for the Golden Globes.  She looks very sleek with a 40's feel due to the embellishments on the shoulders and I loved her hair (believe it or not), slicked back it didn't look so LAVENDAR.  BUT SHE MUST get rid of those God awful tattoos.  Her body looked great, boobs fantastic, Grade:  A+

 

 

OK, remember what I said earlier about my husband knowing better than to bother me during my show?!  WELL, he just decided to make a smoothie in the Vitamix and IT SOUNDS LIKE A FREAKING PLANE IS TAKING OFF IN MY FUCKEN LIVING ROOM!!!!  UGH!!!!  DOES HE NOT CARE THAT I'M WATCHING MY SHOW!!!!!!

 

Zoe Deschanel - Wearing a very pretty Dior confection that reminds me of 1950's Audrey Hepburn.  However, she is wearing the wrong shoes.  I think a strappy silver shoe would have worked much better and the earrings were all WRONG.  Also, the Hey Leilani flower in the hair was totally unnecessary.  I also think she should have worn her hair down, so, though I love you Zoe, I have to give you ... Grade:  C.   (It would have been a B if you didn't wear a flower in your hair and got rid of those earrings ... and did something else with your hair) ... remember this for next year ok. 

 

 

Hayden Panietierre - OMG.  I LOVED her dress!  To me you can never, EVER go wrong with black and white.  Tres elegant.  Loved the hair, loved the dress, loved the makeup, loved it all.  Grade:  A+

 

Sarah Hyland - PLAIN PLAIN PLAIN and what was with the Fraulein braids???   She had hardly any makeup on and that boring pink dress with a thin belt did NOTHING for her.  Grade:  F

 

 

Lupita Nyong'o (from 12 years a slave) GORGEOUS!!!! OMG she looked stunning!  Hair/jewels - minimal/dress - FABULOUS!  A+++  WINNER WINNER WINNER!  And if you haven't seen 12 Years a Slave this woman gave the most beautiful performance I've ever seen.  Heartbreaking. 

 

 

Sandra Bullock.  Sandra, Sandra, Sandra ... what were you thinking?  If the blue hem were pink maybe I would have liked it better but I am not a fan of this color blocking trend.  It just looks boxy and weird.  I am so sad she didn't win for Best Actress because she was quite remarkable in Gravity.  Grade:  D-

 

 

 

Tina Fey looked very pretty with her hair half up/half down but that dress ... with BIG RED FLOWERS - NO.  However, the gowns she wore during the broadcast were much, MUCH better.  Why she chose this thing for the Red Carpet I've no idea.  Next year call me Tina.  We'll go shopping.  Grade:  D-

 

 

Margot Robbie from The Wolf of Wall Street.  GORGEOUS!  Everything was PERFECT.  Dress, elegant, simple with just the right amount of bling, her makeup - beautiful.  Grade:  A++               WINNER WINNER WINNER!

 

 

Amy Adams - GORGE!  I loved the dress but the color combo was kinda weird ... I loved the red, flowy chiffon skirt but the top might have looked better in a different color.  Not really feeling that maroonish brown color.  The hair and makeup, flawless.  Grade:  A+

 

 

Julia Roberts ... the Queen of Hollywood, looks very "housewifey" if you ask me.  Hair and makeup are working but that house dress thing she's got going leaves a lot to be desired.  I think maybe she's trying to come off as the next Meryl Streep.  The look is average.  Mediocre.  Ordinary.  Mama gives Julia .... Grade:  C-

 

 

Kelly Cuoco - oh oh.  Ok, that corset thing is quite ovah and the fabric reminds me of a shower curtain.  The hair is just hanging there like spaghetti.  Maybe if she did something to it it might have made the entire look a little more glam ... but not much.  Plus no jewels, and the make up is lacking.  Grade:  F

 

(can I just say that sometimes it amazes me what some girls find beautiful.  This thing is ... ick).

 

THREE PREGNANT LADIES ON THE RED CARPET THIS YEAR ...

 

1.  Kerry Washington looked BEAUTIFUL.  I loved her dress.  Very elegant and appropriate.  I abhor the look at my pregnant belly look so I thought this choice was just right.  Grade:  A+                               WINNER WINNER

 

 

2.  Olivia Wilde.  This woman is BEAUTIFUL.  She looks gorgeous and though she went with a skin tight gown it looks great on her.  And even though I HATE HATE HATE that dark green color (it looks like alligator skin) on her it looks fabulous.  Grade:  A

 

 

3.  Drew Barrymore.  Now no one loves Drew more than me but what the hell was she wearing?????  This would have looked more appropriate on a young,  girl who isn't pregnant.  Also, her hair looks as if she didn't even wash it ... it's just laying there.  She should have done something with it.  Grade:  C-

 

 

Sofia Vergara - LOVE this black gown!  The turquoise necklace is a beautiful contrast.  Nothing else to say about Sofia ... as always she looks fabulous.  Grade:  A+

 

 

Jennifer Lawrence - I loved this gown.  It looks very Chanel to me but it was actually Dior.  As I've said previously, you can never go wrong with black and white.  I LOVE this gorgeous gown and she looks lovely BUT, I don't think the green drop earrings worked.  She's wearing black jewelry on her wrist.  I'm thinking diamonds or pearls would have worked better on her ears.  Despite that, she gets a killer grade:  A+

 

 

(OK now he's running the Vitamix again just to see if it's working.  God give me patience!!!) 

Zoe Saldana - I LOVED THIS DRESS!  It's different and chic and feminine and what is called taking a real fashion risk.  Plus, I LOVE soft pink with black ... I think she is perfection.  Grade:  A+

 

 

Amber Heard.  UNBELIEVEABLY beautiful.  She is definitely a throwback to old Hollywood glamour and va-va-voom!  Love the dress, love the color love the hair and love the makeup.  This is definitely a winner for me!  GORGEOUS!!

Grade:  A+                WINNER WINNER WINNER

 

 

Paula Patton.  What the hell was this????  That THING looks like a growth that she couldn't get rid of so she decided to cover it up with a gigantic ruffle.  Such a pretty woman and she picked such a ridiculous dress.  It totally overwhelms her. Grade:  D-

 

 

Now onto the Downton Abbey girls.  OMG they both look beautiful and lovely. 

 

Michelle Dockery looked absolutely gorgeous!  Her skin coloring is beautiful and flawless and I love the color, fabric and cut of this dress.  The shoes - perfect, her hair and makeup, perfect.  Grade:  A+             WINNER WINNER WINNER

 

 

Laura Carmichael of Downton Abbey. Once again, black and white.  Gorgeous/simple/elegant - perfection.  Grade:  A+

 

 

I LOVE HELEN MIRREN!  LOVE HER!  She looks beautiful.  I love this gown, gorgeous color for her and her hair and make up are perfection.  Grade: A+

 

 

 

Mila Kunis.  This is one beautiful girl and I love this dress.  Silver and grey.  Just the right amount of sparkle.  Not sure if I like her hair pulled back so tight.  But she looks beautiful.  Grade:  A

 

 

Heidi Klum.  YOU'RE A MODEL HEIDI.  NOT AN ACTRESS.  And you are much too overexposed.  I do not want to see you on the red carpet again, do you hear me?  NEVER.  AGAIN.  But, since you're here, you asked for it.  AS much as I LOVE black and white I DO NOT LIKE IT ON YOU.  And the 1970's choker looks stupid.  As does your hair.  And you need some lipgloss.  Grade:  F- to the negative of 10.

 

 

Lena Dunham.  I LOVE YOU LENA but those cups are too small and your boobs don't look right.  The color of the gown is quite pretty and your make up looks great but your hair .... not cutting it.  BUT, I like you so much that I'm going to give you a B.

 

 

Kristen Chenowith.  WHAT.  IS.  THIS?  It looks like it's made of polyester and it's making me hot.  The red bag - not a good choice.  She reminds me of a young Lonnie Anderson.  Grade:  F 

 

 

Reese Witherspoon.  PERFECT.  Nothing else to add.  Love the makeup, love the dress, love the jewels.  Grade:  A

 

 

Uma Thurman.  GORGE!  I love Uma.  What a woman. Grade:  A

 

 

Emma Thompson.  I LOVE EMMA THOMPSON!  I love all the British actresses because they are so damn funny.  She looks beautiful.  Love her hair, love the makeup and I think she looks great.  Grade:  B

 

 

Aubrey Plaza.  What the hell is this?  It looks like a lavender version of Marilyn Monroe's "Diamonds Are a Girls' Best Friend" number.  The shoes are wrong, the bag is wrong and the jewels are wrong.  Grade:  F-

 

 

Cate Blanchett - Cate is an amazing actress and she usually looks fantastic but this gown doesn't thrill me.  I don't like the neckline and I didn't like the back.  Honestly, I was a little disappointed that she won the award.  I was hoping that Sandra Bullock would win.  I think she deserved it.  Grade:  C

 

 

So that's it folks!  I'd wish I could add more, especially some of the fellas ... Matthew McConaughey looked VERY handsome now that he's gained his weight back.  Jared Leto is a beautiful man and was a winner this year for Best Supporting Actor.  He was amazing in Dallas Buyers Club (and just as an aside, in drag he looks just like Courtney Cox) ....

 

NEXT, the Academy Awards!  I hope you enjoyed my Best and Worst and I gotta say I try to do my best with this post but I also feel rushed to post by Monday morning.  So, with that said, hope you enjoyed it!  

 

SMOOCHES!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 p.s. Darlings ... you simply MUST visit my hilarious friend Bob's post re the Golden Globes
(http://ishouldbelaughing.blogspot.com/2014/01/golden-globes-fashion-best-meh-worst_13.html) ... you'll pee your pants.  AND, for more laughs, check out his comments to my post ... grab some Pampers.  HE'S FUCKEN HILARIOUS!!!