Yesterday I went to the market for a few things and decided to bring something for dessert ... carrot cake. This is not the husband's favorite but since I'm always bringing him apple turnovers and blackberry pie I thought I thought I'd get one of MY favorites for a change. When he gets home from work I hold it up and say "LOOK HONEY! CARROT CAKE! HOURS AND HOURS OF EATING PLEASURE" He very unenthusiastically says, "you know I don't like carrot cake - you got that for YOU."
Fast forward to the next morning ... open the fridge to get a piece of carrot cake with my coffee ... AND THE WHOLE THING IS GONE!!! WHAT! So I call him at work ...
RING RING
Dan: Hello?
Me: I thought you didn't like carrot cake?!
Dan: I don't.
Me: Then how come you ate all the carrot cake?!
Dan: I didn't.
Me: Dan, I saw the empty box in the trash and the entire cake is gone!
Dan: I KNOW! I didn't eat that carrot cake YOU DID. I saw it this morning and said DAYUM, SHE ATE THE WHOLE THING!
Me: Danny, don't play with me ... I know you're lying!
Dan: No I'm not ... I SWEAR. I didn't eat it. You did.
Me: (SILENCE)Slowly, I began to deduce. 1 - he doesn't like carrot cake; 2 - I like carrot cake; 3
- I took an Ambien; 4 - it's very possible I ate all that carrot cake and have no memory of it because I was in an Ambien induced high. FUCK. I ATE THE ENTIRE CARROT CAKE!!!
It's just like that time I saw pink toe nail clippings all over the living room rug and couldn't figure out how they got there. Or like the time Breanne told me I came into her room and started trying on all her shoes and I couldn't remember. Or like that other time when I posted naked pictures of Dr. Laura on my blog.
What am I GONNA DO? I have insomnia?! If I don't take Ambien I don't sleep! It's horrible! OMG - I may have to start EXERCISING to make myself physically tired and I HATE EXERCISE! Maybe I can just switch meds! Maybe the doctor can prescribe some other sleep medication that doesn't make me crazy and cause hallucinations and memory loss!
SHIT .... okay everyone, I'LL KEEP YOU POSTED.
Yep... that is very scary. Esp the part about excercising!
ReplyDeleteSister-Friend
Debbie! You have me peeing in my scrubs girl!!!!!!! That is sooooooo funny!! I stopped taking that stuff because the same thing happened to me. I woke up with all my clothes sprawled out on the bed, asked Craig why he threw my clothes from the closet onto the bed. He said, "You kept complaining how messy the closet was and started clearing everyhting out" WOW! from a dead sleep to cleaning out the closet! And no recollection of the whole thing!! Scary shit alright! Try something else Deb, I started taking Melatonin. It regulates your sleep cycle.
ReplyDeleteThat was from me, the comment above
ReplyDeleteYour cuz,
Cindy
Are you freakin' kidding me? That's crazy! Stop taking it and tell your doctor. There's gotta be something else you can take. On the other hand, you can do some crazy stuff and not take responsibilty for it...lol
ReplyDeletebun
Do the crazy stuff!
ReplyDeleteUm, okay, I'm laughing so hard, I've peed myself, and I keep thinking "Danny better sleep with his eyes open. He may piss you off one day and you may just take "matters into your own hands...." ...that's when I knew I needed to leave my husband, when I started thinking of ways to bump him off and NOT get caught!! LOL! I have heard about those "Ambien induced comas"....Love ya!
ReplyDeleteCorinne
This is halarious. Danny did eat the cake
ReplyDeleteHoly Cow!
ReplyDeleteI'm with Bunny. Dump that stuff and now. Exercising is better than what you just described.
Ruben