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I HATE bending over.  If I'm sitting in a chair and I drop my pen or anything that makes me have to bend over I'm all FUCK!!  Whenever I vacuum, which I did today, and the vacuum does not pick up a tiny piece of paper or a sliver of thread and I've passed the vacuum over it five times and it still does not pick it up, I will leave it there until the next time I vacuum.  And you know that that damn piece of paper or sliver of thread will remain on the carpet in the exact same location, until I finally have to fucken bend over and pick it up.  How come that never happens when I lose an earring?  How many times have I dropped an earring or some other precious memento on the carpet ... and the only LOGICAL place on EARTH it could be is within a small diameter of space, but somehow, despite the rules of quantum physics, time and space, that fucken earring will have bounced from the spot on the carpet and magically appear downstairs under the sink?  I HATE when that happens.

The other day I lost my glasses.  I had them in my hand.  I FELT them in my hand.  I KNOW they were in my hand and then ... they were gone.  I was in the living room when I lost them.  I didn't leave the living room and go upstairs or go outside and make a cartwheel and then go into the kitchen.  The only logical place they could have been was somewhere in the living room.  I looked and looked and looked and cursed a blue streak because THEY WERE IN MY FUCKING HAND TWO SECONDS AGO!!!  And I swear, when this crap happens I am deathly afraid that I really am losing my mind.  How could something be there and then ... be gone?  It's like magic.  So after going upstairs three times to search for my stupid glasses (even though I KNEW there was no way in hell they were going to be upstairs ... but because I don't trust myself and fear that I really am in the early stages of Alzheimer's, I go upstairs anyway) and they're not there.  I retrace my steps for 20 minutes until I finally give up.  I sit on the couch and bend down (FUCK!) to pick up the remote and there ... between the end table and the sofa ... are my glasses.


  1. Au contraire, you are just experiencing symptoms of doing too many things, or thinking about too many things, at once. I will walk into a room and literally stop dead in my tracks because I cannot remember why I am walking into that room. I think that only brilliant people experience this. Yes. I'm convinced. You are not alone! xoxo Eenie

  2. OMG, I could not love you more. That is so FUNNY!!!

  3. You're not alone....I do it all the time. Ugh.

  4. If your glasses only came with a remote you'd never lose them.

    re: your story: been there. There's a piece of paper on the floor in the hallway that's been there since 1957.

  5. You are not alone. I will lose my cell phone for days then it will suddenly appear in the kitchen. I also have to take my car to the full service car wash so they will find my sunglasses. I feel like I’m losing my mind at times.

  6. Oh dear, I have BEEN THERE and fear it happens to me much more frequently than I would like!!!!!!

    Debby, I thought of YOU when I found that first photo I used with Mr. M. from Lord of the Rings!

    Thank you for coming to visit. Anita

  7. I contest, this too has happened to me!! It's like WTH I just had it in my hand or it was just right here, and now the gnomes of the house are messing with me and moving my stuff to different parts of the house!!

  8. Thanks for your comments EVERYONE. It is good to know that I am not alone LOL!!!

  9. I lost my iPad twice yesterday.
    I've lost my glasses on my head. (Didn't notice until I walked past a mirror.)
    Keys, I lose every single day.
    I think it's a conspiracy.


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