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The last couple of weeks have been fraught with too much sadness.  Bad news and more bad news.  I have shed many tears and have been quite contemplative the last few weeks.  We all have those moments when the pains of life hit home and then crap like a presidential election and even being unemployed becomes meaningless and unimportant because I have breath and life and a future ... at least for now.  

The other day I walked through a dialysis unit.  Many beds filled with patients who were either sleeping, reading, or listening to music while their blood was being filtered.  Young and old, all hooked up to a machine that allowed them to continue living.  I silently prayed for each one as I passed through that room realizing how lucky I am.  THANK YOU GOD.  

Prior to that, I spent six days in Arizona visiting my beautiful cousin .... the very first friend/playmate and confidant I ever had, as he lay in a hospital bed after learning he has a brain tumor.  I cried for hours as I remembered every moment of our childhood.  Our first day of kindergarten, the red tricycle we would race around on, the fights we had as little children when our mothers would separate us by placing the trash cans across our little back patio. My selfish anger at him for wanting to play in my bigger, better plastic swimming pool and then jumping into his inferior little pool when mine sprung a leak.  Watching him cut a jagged circle out of construction paper and feeling a BURST of love for him because his circle was so funky and mine was perfection ... but mostly, wondering how it all went by so quickly.  Fifty four years gone by in a flash, a blink, a breath ... and then, the pain of knowing someone you love is suffering.  

I spent six days in his house amongst his things.  I watched his t.v. and slept in his bed.  I moved about where he, until a week prior, moved about .... before he knew he had this thing in his brain, and I felt so sad.  Sadder than sad.  He, ever positive and upbeat ... which is his way ... accepts what is to come.  Sounds happy and cheerful and hopeful on the phone.  He is generosity and selflessness, beautiful, loving, kind, and so funny.  Sweet, and thoughtful ... he is everything good.  

So tonight, when you say goodnight to your loved ones, send up a little love and a prayer for my cousin and oldest friend, will you?  It would mean so much.  Thank you.



  1. Oh My Dear Friend, I am so sorry to hear your pain. I share it with you, because what hurts you hurts me. I continue to pray for your family. I know, as you do, that God has a plan but so often wonder how it is we have such a difficult time understanding why He does what He does. Let's find comfort in not only knowing that His plan is so much better than any of our plans could ever be but also that the moment our loved ones step into Gods light, they will know why they were called and rejoice beyond what we can ever experience here on earth.
    I don't write this thinking there is no possibility of healing, with God anything is possible, I write this with hope. Hope for what could happen and hope for which ever direction God has decided it will go. I will pray that His will be done and that we recognize it as the happy ending He intends it to be because there is Joy beyond what we can see.
    I love you,

  2. Prayers for your cousin, Doll. Is it glioblastoma? i lost a friend to that, and it was so hard. But he did outlive his prognosis. They gave him 3 months and he said Fuck that, and lived another year and a half , very happily. xoxoxo

  3. Thank you my love...

  4. Consider prayers and good thoughts headed to your cousin.

  5. Dear Debbie,
    As you know, I have been away from all things blogging (maybe that part of my life will awaken one day) and a lot more. I can empathize strongly with you. This last year was an excruciating time for me, but I am better. Not that the circumstances in the world have changed, or specific to me. Just that these difficult questions and experiences can be borne -- through the tears, with loving memories and yes, even faith and hope in what is not seen. Your cousin and you are in my prayers.
    Bless you, dear friend.

    1. Ruben, your words are ALWAYS of comfort to me. Thank you so much my friend.

  6. SO very sorry that you have to go through this. He's a lucky guy to have you around him. It's a reminder to tell those that you love that you love them, and to be grateful for our health. Thanks for the reminder.

  7. Thanks so much Dani. Appreciate your kind words.

  8. So sorry to hear about your cousin, my dear friend. I'm sending prayers his way. How lucky we are. Beautiful post! XOXO

    1. Thank you so much my friend. And yes, we are so lucky. XOXO

  9. I'm so sorry. I've been there. My thoughts are with you and I'll say a prayer for your cousin


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