"You're right. And everything you've said is true. I've been insensitive and cavalier with your feelings ... this crazy ether ... it's hypnotic, nonsensical ... between here and there I can't tell what is real and what isn't. Nothing makes sense here. But my feelings .... my feelings for you are real. You have to believe me." He plead.
"I understand" I said "This twilight zone .... this other dimension we travel back and forth to without rhyme or reason ... is it good? Is it bad? I don't know. But when I'm here with you it's the only place I want to be."
Then SNAP! That moment was past, and just like that we had advanced to a time in the future where we were in the middle of the beginning of a new relationship which was still in the throes wonderful firsts.
We had skipped beyond the awkward period of wondering where we each stood with one other and knew that we were now at a different phase of our once unclear relationship. This new reality gave us the freedom to just BE. We spent more time in the library, more time talking, and more time enjoying this new experience, free from the need to guard or protect ourselves. I could see the change in him as well. He was less flirtatious and more serious and present. His actions and manner told me, without words, that I was his, and he was mine, and I cherished every second.
... I ran out of the library laughing and I could hear him calling me from inside "Where are you?" And he was laughing as well. I shouted towards the high windows of the library, jokingly "Why don't you ask me to marry you?!" laughing still ... until I realized what I had just said. Oh God, what have you done?! In a moment of spontaneity I had said what I'd wished out loud. What a fatal, fatal mistake! I stopped dead in my tracks .... feeling utterly and wholly exposed.
Up until now our relationship had been so unclear, so unsure. Now that we were in this amazing new place, sharing the same emotional space, I had to go and ruin it all! He's going to be turned off ... my mind and my heart were racing and I was in a panic ... what to do? What to do?
Just then, he rounded the corner. He had a look on his face that I could not read ... it could have been shock or apprehension or even dread for his face was somber and serious and I instinctively felt that any possibility I ever had of becoming closer to him has just come to a screeching halt. He saw me .... my embarrassment, my shame. He looked in my eyes and slowly walked towards me, and with the most earnest of looks upon his face, he said ...
"That's what I've been wanting to do."
I looked at him ... dumbfounded ... ecstatic ... a multitude of emotions overtaking me. Did I hear him correctly? The look on my face must have been easy to read for he saw my happiness, my incredulousness, my relief. How a look could convey that much emotion is a mystery, but in my eyes he saw every inexpressible emotion I felt, and his look responded, in kind, to everything I was feeling and all I could think was ...
Thank you God. Thank you, thank you and I fell into his arms ...
(... to be continued)