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My thoughts were racing ... how do I handle this impossible situation?  There was no "best" course of action.  I loved him.  I wanted to tell him everything!  How I'd longed for him and missed him and waited for him in the ether.  But I couldn't risk being perceived as needy and pathetic.  I could not allow myself to be that vulnerable.  

It's a strange thing to have what you've most desired in all the world finally at your feet.  I had a profusion of thoughts racing through my brain all at once.  What if I were coy and toyed with him?  Punished him for hurting me so?  What if I gave in to him like I wanted to, without abandon nor reservation?  Would he still want me?  Now, he was here before me ... vulnerable and defenseless ... right where I'd always wanted him ... but I was the one that was all undone.  I had to appear strong despite my inner weakness. 

"How could I be in your head for such a long time when all of this time you've been with her?" I demanded.  

"I know it doesn't make sense ... none of it makes sense" he said "and I can't blame you for not believing me, but if you weren't in my head ... in my blood, why did I come to you all those times in the ether?  I had to see you don't you see?  It was the only way."  

I wanted to believe him, oh God, but I couldn't let him know that ... at least not yet. 

"Debbie, please"  he plead.

"Viggo, look at us?  We exist in the ether of time.  She gets you in real life and I have only to wait until your longing is so that you are transported to me here ... in the library!  How fair is that to me?"  

He looked away from me ... staring out the window, his face etched with pain, and an explanation he could not verbalize.  

(... to be continued)


  1. DEBBIE.......woman, your writing skills are exemplary and you should be thinking about NOVEL WRITING!!! Are you? PLEASE SAY SO! I am honestly impressed with your style. THANK YOU FOR VISITING TODAY!

    I am finally done with school as of yesterday. Now it is time to regroup and enjoy a summer of rest!!!

    Hugs dear Debbie! Anita

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  3. Oh Debbie, I think that what you are doing here is GREAT PRACTICE as we all need to continue to write, write and write MORE each day. Our styles become shaped by PLAYING with words and ideas. Did you know that I resigned from my job? RISKY....I KNOW. Here I am just a blogger, and not even seasoned in the area of writing. But I resigned from my beloved French teacher position due to the system crunching and squeezing too much out of what little teachers there are and I have been selling on Etsy since September. I am going to make an attempt to sell my art (paper art, not my juvenile drawings) and see where that takes me. I want to write. My dream would be to write and contribute articles to inspirational type of magazines for my genre is poetry. Not much money to be made there, and all I want is to make the amount of money I make now. We shall see. BUT I ENCOURAGE YOU to keep on writing and submit your work. Do your research and find out what publishers are interested in the type of writing you do. KEEP SUBMITTING until someone notices.

    I think this is a great way for you to use your time, for I know you have been out of work. THEN USE THIS PRECIOUS TIME TO CREATE from that "void." Let us know how you are doing and never hesitate to ask us for tips...not that we KNOW ANY! But to keep connected.

    HUGS! Anita

  4. Good morning beautiful!

    WOW was I tired last night. A combination of coming down from an adrenalin high all school year and "partying" with the blogging world for the Paris post left me so TIRED! But I just saw your kind comment and dear Debby, I tell ya, you have a great opportunity RIGHT NOW, as you are staying at home, to CHANNEL the energy you have towards your writing. I always tell my students that writing is the best way to learn about things you do not know (a research paper) and to learn about YOURSELF (poetry and other genres). It is also therapeutic, HARD WORK that makes you stronger, and one of the most personal academic or leisurely things you can do.

    Keep connected with us dearest. I know Ruben loves to correspond with you and wants to see you succeed. The beauty of this internet world is that we can keep connected in a more convenient way AND the biggest thing that I find is that by using this mode of COMMUNICATION (buzz word here), we start to shape our thoughts for when we write in the slightest form, we have to THINK and rethink, edit and revise and re-read. We find kindred spirits for whom these things are important and we have an instant connection with others regarding what is important to us.

    So with that, stay with us.....keep writing and find YOUR TRUE VOICE.

    HUGS TO YOU! Anita

  5. Hi Debbie,

    I have to echo Anita. This blog has been a good place for you to process what's happening to you and society, as well as growing in writing which makes your processing all the more effective and at times hilarious. I need to get back into it myself. So I'm encouraged by you.
    Can't wait for part 3.
    Praying for your interview.

  6. I agree--you need to write a novel, or a screenplay, or both. You have WICKED talent. Besides, Viggo might read it!!

  7. Enid ... I LOVE YOU. Thank you all for the love and encouragement. MAKES ME FEEL SOOOOOOOOO GOOD :)

    And Enid ... maybe if I WISH hard enough I could REALLY manifest Viggo ... right here ... to my living room LOL!

  8. Debbie I hate to admit this in fear of you going postal...I too think I am falling in love with Viggo! (not that he even knows I exist!)

    Great writing !! Go for your dreams Debbie (including Viggo or not)

    Art by Karena

  9. Karena,
    LOL! You can fall in love with Viggo as long as you keep in mind that ... HE IS MINE. :)


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