*SIGH* ... Still unemployed. It's been four months but it feels like four years. I keep thinking I'm 57 and I'm not. I think it's because the last time I was unemployed it was two years between jobs and since I'm 55 now I guess somewhere in my psyche I figure I'll be 57 when I get my "next job".
CAN I TELL THE TRUTH?
I don’t want to go back to work. I don’t. I’m 55 years old. I’m tired. Tired of dealing with back-stabbing co-workers, disrespectful bosses, corporate machinations and inhuman expectations. It can be a soul robbing experience and 35+ years is enough. Being home, no one tells me what to do, how to do it, or how fast I should be able to do it. I have no one breathing down my neck, grading my performance, holding back a raise because I’m not meeting someone’s ridiculous expectations. I am the Queen of my domain. Yes, I have no money to spend on luxuries or extras, but that’s okay. What I’ve gained being outside the work place is a certain peace of mind. I have worked all of my life. Did each job with a conscientious attitude. I always took work seriously. Never abused sick time, or took unnecessary leaves. I put up with insane bosses who belittle, scream and yell … because they can. I have been denigrated with less than great reviews (because we can never tell anyone they’re doing a great job because they will become less fearful of our all powerful ability to take away their pay, bonuses, raises, livelihood).
The workplace in corporate America is a hell-hole that one needs to learn how to maneuver instead of a place one goes to earn a paycheck and feel useful. The pride that comes from doing a good days work and the knowledge that you are contributing to society, whether it’s defending people who have been wronged, or simply typing the paperwork to help in that effort no longer exists. The workplace is not for human beings. It is a place where the Corporation is now the human being and the human being is a machine that amounts to numbers on a page and then more numbers that determine the degrees of perfection one must meet in order to keep ones head above water. WAH WAH WAH.
BUT ... I am realistic. I was never one of those women who expected a man to "take care of me." OK OK, maybe once or twice I wanted to be rescued but I always knew that that was not realistic. A woman should always know how to take care of herself. PERIOD. And because I have always been a worker, when I married, I believed it was the two of us together, contributing and working to prepare for our Golden Years. That is why I feel so bad about not contributing. Can't help it.
I haven't posted anything of real note lately, except my rant against Rush Limburger and that's because I don't wanna whine about the same old thing. I could just re-post from years past.
Here's the thing. When one does ones due diligence, combs the employment websites, sends countless resumes, says YES to any and all temp jobs that are offered only to get the follow up phone call ".... uh, sorry. We've decided to go with another candidate" ... it's not that you lose hope, it's more like you learn not to get excited about ANYTHING. The phone call from a friend "hey, they're hiring?! Send me you resume!" ... yeah, whatever. It's not that I don't care, really ... but disappointment can do that to you. I keep trucking however. Despite all the door slamming, test taking stresses, the NO NO NO's, the "please do not respond to this email" emails, I keep doing what I must.
I do believe that God is in control. My husband disagrees with this. He believes that WE are in control of our lives (he really doesn't get it) ... we are in control of NOTHING. Five months ago I had a job. Today I don't. I had nothing to do with that. I cannot pull a job out of a hat. I have no idea what the future holds or if I will find work next month, next year or never. So, ... once again, I ask for your patience in allowing me to be self-indulgent.
Hope everyone reading this is happy,healthy, employed. SERIOUSLY.
BIG SMOOCH TO ALL.