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THERAPY SESSION #39

Dear Diary:

*SIGH* ... Still unemployed. It's been four months but it feels like four years. I keep thinking I'm 57 and I'm not. I think it's because the last time I was unemployed it was two years between jobs and since I'm 55 now I guess somewhere in my psyche I figure I'll be 57 when I get my "next job".

Many thoughts.


CAN I TELL THE TRUTH?

I don’t want to go back to work. I don’t. I’m 55 years old. I’m tired. Tired of dealing with back-stabbing co-workers, disrespectful bosses, corporate machinations and inhuman expectations. It can be a soul robbing experience and 35+ years is enough. Being home, no one tells me what to do, how to do it, or how fast I should be able to do it. I have no one breathing down my neck, grading my performance, holding back a raise because I’m not meeting someone’s ridiculous expectations. I am the Queen of my domain. Yes, I have no money to spend on luxuries or extras, but that’s okay. What I’ve gained being outside the work place is a certain peace of mind. I have worked all of my life. Did each job with a conscientious attitude. I always took work seriously. Never abused sick time, or took unnecessary leaves. I put up with insane bosses who belittle, scream and yell … because they can. I have been denigrated with less than great reviews (because we can never tell anyone they’re doing a great job because they will become less fearful of our all powerful ability to take away their pay, bonuses, raises, livelihood).

The workplace in corporate America is a hell-hole that one needs to learn how to maneuver instead of a place one goes to earn a paycheck and feel useful. The pride that comes from doing a good days work and the knowledge that you are contributing to society, whether it’s defending people who have been wronged, or simply typing the paperwork to help in that effort no longer exists. The workplace is not for human beings. It is a place where the Corporation is now the human being and the human being is a machine that amounts to numbers on a page and then more numbers that determine the degrees of perfection one must meet in order to keep ones head above water. WAH WAH WAH.

BUT ... I am realistic. I was never one of those women who expected a man to "take care of me." OK OK, maybe once or twice I wanted to be rescued but I always knew that that was not realistic. A woman should always know how to take care of herself. PERIOD. And because I have always been a worker, when I married, I believed it was the two of us together, contributing and working to prepare for our Golden Years. That is why I feel so bad about not contributing. Can't help it.

I haven't posted anything of real note lately, except my rant against Rush Limburger and that's because I don't wanna whine about the same old thing. I could just re-post from years past.

Here's the thing. When one does ones due diligence, combs the employment websites, sends countless resumes, says YES to any and all temp jobs that are offered only to get the follow up phone call ".... uh, sorry. We've decided to go with another candidate" ... it's not that you lose hope, it's more like you learn not to get excited about ANYTHING. The phone call from a friend "hey, they're hiring?! Send me you resume!" ... yeah, whatever. It's not that I don't care, really ... but disappointment can do that to you. I keep trucking however. Despite all the door slamming, test taking stresses, the NO NO NO's, the "please do not respond to this email" emails, I keep doing what I must.

I do believe that God is in control. My husband disagrees with this. He believes that WE are in control of our lives (he really doesn't get it) ... we are in control of NOTHING. Five months ago I had a job. Today I don't. I had nothing to do with that. I cannot pull a job out of a hat. I have no idea what the future holds or if I will find work next month, next year or never. So, ... once again, I ask for your patience in allowing me to be self-indulgent.

Hope everyone reading this is happy,healthy, employed. SERIOUSLY.

BIG SMOOCH TO ALL.

Comments

  1. Argh...it's tough being out of work. Especially in THIS market! So my heart goes out to you...

    I'm also a firm believer in things happen for a reason. Many times that reason doesn't make itself known on our timeframe, but it is there. So I'm going to share with you some of my undying optimism and give yoiu virtual hugs and give youi the advice to enjoy the time off while you have it...because soon enough something will come along and you'll wish you'd smelled the roses just a tad longer.
    :-)

    {{{{hugs}}}}
    Nancy

    ReplyDelete
  2. Awwww Nancy! Thank you so much! I need an optimist in my life! As you can tell I can tend to be Debbie Downer LOL! THANK YOU so much for leaving a comment! Means a lot!
    XOXO

    ReplyDelete
  3. Dear dear Debbie,

    First of all, thank you for your wonderful comment today. I just got home from work, to my HOME where I love to be. I am honestly blessed to think that a comment I made to you made you think....but when you DO think about it, life is SHORT and all that we have done and said has GOT TO GO SOMEWHERE because LOVE is never wasted. This is a rehearsal, this life, and for a much bigger picture. I am really blessed by your comments today.

    I so agree with you about what has happened in the work place these days. I truly see you as honing our writing and doing it full time. Have you ever considered blogging professionally? Do you even know about that? If not blogging professionally, how about taking some journalism classes and get yourself OUT THERE and try to write from home as a freelance writer?

    BIG HUGS TO YOU DEBBIE, and thank you so much for your visit! Anita

    ReplyDelete
  4. Dear Debbie,
    The sad truth is that there has always been, in many eras and cultures, a sort of dueling dance between the people who have come to own things (by hook or by crook) and the people who work for them. The sweat shops of the 19th and early 20th centuries were simply nightmares. Progressives have tried to bring some sanity to the way workers are treated, but that is in constant conflict with the holy of holies: the free market, which is often but another way of saying, "my profit is more important than people."

    It is standard knowledge the Europeans came to the New World "for God, gold, and glory." What follows is the tragic story of thinking you can do that, when Jesus said that you cannot serve two masters, God AND money, for one of them will always dominate the other. I don't it's much different today. Gold and glory frequently trump God, and in fact the American gospel of prosperity (exported around the world) is precisely the kind of Christianity you would expect to emerge in this culture.

    I can only say to you my friend, not to lose hope. I try to focus on goodness, and the more that I do, the more I find it in loved ones, friends, and others who give themselves always to try and do the decent thing.

    One thing we know. Heaven will not be populated with corporations and hedge funds, unscrupulous filibusters, power ensorcelled politicians, resource-grabbers, and the like.

    Keep YOUR honor and never sell it. That's a job worth doing for a life time.

    Your friend,
    Ruben

    ReplyDelete
  5. I think I just read somewhere that it is Friday casual sex day! ahem. Today is Friday!
    xo

    ReplyDelete
  6. Thanks for the comment at my blog. I can identify with your vent here. We moved our family 400 miles to be closer to my husbands work (where he had been commuting for 2 years) only to have the big boss say, "I'm giving the project to someone else, sign this hold harmless, and I'll give you your last check. "

    We have our own business, and got no unemployment checks, no warning, the project funder waited til we moved and dropped the bomb. Who does that? That was 2 years ago and we can't get any work, either of us, and our savings is gone now. Its kind of scary.

    But I do know that God looks after us, and I learn things -- I will never say to anyone, "just go get a job. " We even have 2 of my married kids living with us, trying to get on their feet. Anyway, thanks for letting me join your vent, and I should get back to my one little job -- write an article for $25 for Demand Studios. I've already sold everything in the garage! Life is crazy. But you're not alone. Keep the faith. You write well!

    ReplyDelete

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