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A STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS BABBLE ...

Last night the bus was late … AGAIN.  The driver has been late for the last three weeks.  The bus is supposed to pick us up at 5:40 pm and he's been picking us up at 6 pm.  THEN he had the audacity to NOT GET ON THE FREEWAY and took surface streets ALL.  THE.  WAY.  HOME.  If I wanted to do that I’d have driven my own ass to work!  But that was not all … he was freaking whistling the entire way home.  I thought I was gonna have a coronary.  I was this close to screaming at him to PUT A SOCK IN IT!!  You all know how I hate people to freaking whistle in public.  Don’t whistle at work, at the store, on the street OR WHEN YOU’RE DRIVING A FUCKING BUS. 

Thank God my Ipod had power so I was able to listen to some decent tunes until the ride was over.  Once the bus ride from hell was over I still had to do some Xmas shopping.  Drove to the mall, bought some presents and some new work out clothes (don’t judge me) and then I drove home to no meal and a foochie bed that was not made to my standards – which I admit are quite high.  I require a CRISP bed dammit and my bed was not CRISP.  It was rather wilted and wrinkly and the sheets were all soft.  UGH. 



After dumping all my packages, all I wanted to do was take a shower and get into bed (BUT ONLY AFTER I UNMADE IT, AND REMADE IT CRISP) and RELAX which is something I haven’t done in too long because I’m constantly running around doing shit like laundry and picking up dinner.  The hubs was LYING on the couch because he thinks it’s a bed and I just wasn’t in the mood to deal with feet in my lap and another round of “Wives with Knives.” 



So I took my deliciously hot shower, dried my hair, got into my CRISP bed with my computer in my lap and watched old videos of Chicago performing “Beginnings,” “Call on Me” and “Color My World” over and over and over.  These days I find that I am much more nostalgic than ever and I’m pretty damn nostaligic.  I LITERALLY traveled back to 1973 with just my mind … if I could have any super power in the world I’d have the power to travel through time.  Who wouldn’t?  You could undo all the shit you had to go through when you were young and dumb ... like I wouldn't dance with ugly guys, I'd break up with all the guys who broke up with me first, I' tell all my asshole teachers they were assholes.  And I'd never EVER take Algebra.



I also caught Oprah’s “Where Are They Now” … Oprah was interviewing Bo Derek.  Oprah asked her if she’d ever had her heart broken.  You know what that bitch said?  She said NO.  She has never had her heart broken.  And it got me to thinking … do you know who I’d be today if I’d never gotten my heart broken?  Only the most fucking nice person you ever met in your life.  How does one go through life without ever getting their fucken heart broken?!  That is not normal.  Not even once?  Lucky bitch.  That’s where confidence comes from.  From being a “10” AND NEVER GETTING YOUR FUCKING HEART BROKEN.

 


 MERRY CHRISTMAS DAMMIT

Comments

  1. So how do you really feel?
    You are a ten 😉

    ReplyDelete
  2. I think Bo's cornrows were too tight and she's lost her effing mind!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bitch. No one should go through life without at least ONE BROKEN HEART.

      Delete
  3. You are so goddamn funny! I love you!!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. I'm still gobsmacked at the bus. How is it a bus driver can randomly be late, and take an off route? Can't you make a complaint about this? Am I totally crazy???!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Eenie, I'm such a lazy ass. I've been threatening to complain for three weeks but every day when I get to work I completely forget about complaining until I am once again standing at the bus stop waiting to go home!

      Delete
  5. Isn't your husband off work? Why the hell doesn't he fix dinner or order in? I would have pissed, The bus drive needs his ass kicked. I think I'm in a mood.

    ReplyDelete
  6. YES. HE IS OFF WORK and MY POINT EXACTLY! HE'S A LAZY ASS. And the bus driver most certainly needed his ass kicked. Either that, or he should have been forced to hear me whistle incessantly ...

    ReplyDelete
  7. When I first met my husband I loved that he was always whistling, I thought it made him sound jolly and happy. Now after 31 years of his whistling, I can't stand it. His whole family does it. If it were an actual tune maybe it would not be so bad, but its not its just random sounds.

    ReplyDelete

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