Wednesday, February 13, 2019

TO HELL AND BACK ...

So, on January 23, 2019 my husband donated a kidney to our daughter.  This was her second kidney transplant and I am happy to report that she is doing AMAZINGLY WELL!  Her numbers are great and I am praying things continue in this direction.  Last time we did transplant (donated by my wife-in-law, Lauren's mom) we ran into issues with rejection, endless worry, trips to the emergency, etc.  Hopefully, we will not encounter any of these issues.

Lauren now has mom's kidney and dad's kidney.  Mom said she should get a tattoo on each side of her belly saying MOM and DAD.  

We were told that Dan would be in the hospital for three days.  NOT.  As fate would have it, he had terrible complications, a bowel obstruction, serious pain due to vomiting, dry heaving and basically, suffering and agony in the form of an NG tube into the nose down to the stomach.  PRAY YOU NEVER HAVE TO WITNESS A LOVED ONE GOING THROUGH THIS.  It was HORRIBLE.  To see a grown man screaming while vomiting black shit into a barf bag all the while having a tube shoved down his nose and throat ... well, let's just say the memory alone makes me want to faint.    

He suffered greatly but on day four the tube was removed and he was able to eat bland food, broth, Jello, crackers, ice chips.  Day five he was released from the hospital.  Hallelujah.  NOT.  One day at home, one night in his own bed, next morning ... DRY HEAVING ALL MORNING.  Call the hospital.  Bring him into emergency.  Luckily got a room right away because he was a kidney donor in distress.  After x-rays and a ultrasound it is determined he needs another NG tube or he will continue trying to vomit and die of pain while doing so.  A truly life threatening situation.  So, they attempt to put the tube into the same nostril.  Bad idea.  It was sore and tender from the previous tube. They had to take it out and insert it into the other nostril and I once again had to watch my beautiful husband undergo this torture while yelling and vomiting and pleading for them to stop.  HORRIBLE.  H-O-R-R-I-B-L-E.

The cause of all this hell is called paralytic ileus.  The stomach and intestines never woke up from the anesthesia.  I didn't know that your organs also go to sleep when you're given anesthesia.  Also, the opioids they were giving him for pain made this situation worse.  He is VERY sensitive to opioids.  Now, where I can pop Vicodin like candy, Danny cannot.  Doctors do not know what causes this, there is no cure for it, the bowels just wake up when they wake up.  And then, they can go to sleep again!  So everything he'd eaten or drank was basically sitting in his stomach like a stopped up sink.  And it had to come out, via the tube into his stomach.  

After the second NG tube had been inserted poor Danny tried to calm down and breathe somewhat normally while I rubbed his brow and let him know I was there.  They admitted him and he endured the next five days with a tube in his nose and no food, water or even ice chips.  It was terrible.  At one point he looked me in the eyes, dead serious and said he didn't think he was going to survive it.  

Without going into more detail about wearing the same clothes for five days, no sleep, endless worry, helplessness, watching someone I love more than life suffer so horribly, we finally got the word that they could remove the tube and he could slowly begin eating a very bland diet.  After eleven days in the hospital and a loss of 20 pounds he was finally able to go home.    

NOW ... those of you who read my blog know how stubborn my man is.  The day of his release the entire transplant team comes in to talk to us.  First question Dan asks the doctors is ... can he have hash browns.  Yeah.  You know, potatoes fried in oil?  Yeah. Those things.  Doc says no.  GO SLOWLY.  Tea, jello, broth, soup.  The doctor actually said "listen to YOUR WIFE."  I'm thinking, "doc, you'd have better luck bringing a stranger in off the street to tell my husband he should not have hash browns.  A stranger he'd believe.  Me? I'm only HIS WIFE.  But no.  Dan continues asking EVERYONE in the hospital if he could have hash browns.   Knowing Danny, he figured that if he asked enough people eventually he'd find someone that would say "Yes.  You can have has browns."  (eyes rolling) even if it was the janitor.  

Well, glad to report, his appetite returned, he is eating normally, though like a piglet and when he eats like a piglet he feels really stuffed and uncomfortable.  But, like a cranky baby who is exhausted and fighting sleep by crying and crying, I just have to let him do it HIS WAY.  God help me.

His energy level is not what it used to be, but will return in time.  He's adapting to doing nothing, which is driving him batty, but in time he'll be back better than ever.  And most importantly, Lauren is doing EXCELLENTLY.  She is eating great, she looks beautiful, her skin once mottled with dark spots has completely cleared up, her hair is beautiful again.  The kidney disease was robbing her of  her of energy and health.  Now, she is WHOLE.  

LIFE.  GOD, GOOD HEALTH, LOVE, AND FAMILY.  This is ALL that matters in life.  


Dan minus NG tube.
LOVE HER SOOOOOO MUCH!
Lauren in bed, Dr. Dafoe in white coat (Willem Dafoe's brother!)  An amazing team of healers.



Danny, I love you more than you'll ever know.  Lauren, I love you more than you'll ever know.  I love everyone more than they'll ever know.  Our wonderful friends and family who gave mountains of support, help, love and prayers.  We could not have gotten through it without you all.  

GOD BLESS YOU ALL


Sunday, February 10, 2019

THE GRAMMY'S AND BAFTA'S BEST AND WORST ...

First, the Grammys - short and to the point:

Alicia Keyes ... I know you're on this natural kick but I don't like it.  WEAR MAKEUP!!!



Ashlee Simpson - WINNER WINNER WINNER!!!



Cardi B - A daffodil or a clam.  Take your pick.  Both are stupid.



Fantasia Barrino - Bjork in reverse.



Bjork 
Lady GaGa - Cheap looking glamour with TERRIBLE hair.  I've seen better dresses at a Quincinera.


PEOPLE WHO SHOULD BE BANNED FROM THE RED CARPET


Heidi Klum!
She looks like a yeast infection.

Janelle Monae - live from Saturn ...

J-LO - NO.  


Katy Perry - Put a shade on her and she'd look like a lamp.  









Kylie Jenner - You know that game you play at every bridal shower you've ever been to in life where you have to design a wedding dress made from toilet paper?  



Toni Braxton - I don't think Toni knows we can all see her cookie.



NOW THE 2019 BAFTAS ...

CLAIRE FOY - LOVELY, FEMININE, BEAUTIFUL - WINNER WINNER WINNER!!



Lily Collins - ALWAYS nails it!  WINNER WINNER WINNER!!!



Mary J. Blige - make up your mind.  Is it a dress, a pantsuit, a gown?  



Margot Robbie - Usually nails it but this is a mess.



Melissa McCarthy looking quite beautiful!  



Michelle Yeoh - lovely.


The Royals ...



Rachel Weiss - INCREDIBLE actress.  Fashionista?  Not so much.



Salma Hayek channeling Cleopatra.



And last but not least, my boyfriend Viggo Mortensen - VERY DAPPER!



Cate Blanchett - LOVE!



REMEMBER!  OSCAR NIGHT IS FEBRUARY 24, 2019!!


Sunday, January 6, 2019

2019 GOLDEN GLOBES RED CARPET






Well, well, well!  Here we are again!  Award Season 2019!  My favorite time of year!  My superbowl!  My BE ALL END ALL OF LIFE!  

As usual, my boyfriend in my mind Viggo Mortensen has once again been nominated for a Best Actor Golden Globe because EVERYTHING HE DOES MERITS A NOMINATION!  Best Actor Everrrrrrr!  Saw Green Book.  LOVED IT.  So let's send all our love through the ether for Mr. Mortensen!!  

LET'S GET STARTED!

Giuliana Rancic - Golden Globes yearly hostess with the mostess.  I gotta say she looks good.  Very pretty dress and at least with this pose she does not look like a living human cadaver.  Grade:  A


OH LOOK!  It's Mickey Mouse!


Lady GaGa - Gorgeous gown, incredible jewels ... blue hair?  NO.  Hon ... you're  becoming a totally legit actress in Hollywood.  There is no longer a need for theatrics and/or meat dresses. LOSE THE TATS.  The hair would have looked much better au natural in a Veronica Lake sweep.  Grade:  B (it would have been an A, but the hair GaGa, the hair). 






Connie Britton - Nice gown, great bod, but she could have put her hair up and gotten some big ol chandelier earrings or something.  Instead, she looks like one of the Orange County Housewives.  Grade:  C



Heidi Fuckin' Klum - Don't you EVER have other plans?!  I swear to god If there were a red carpet in front of my local CVS she'd show up in a gown with her tits hanging out.  

OK folks .... remember how back in the olden days when someone got married we would make paper flowers out of napkins and string them on all the cars in the wedding party?  I don't think I need to say anything more.  Grade:  F-



Idris Elba - the most beautiful man on the fuckin' planet.  Grade:  AAA+++



Regina King - PERFECTION!  Nothing to add, nothing to take away, just PERFECTION!  Grade:  A+



Tanika Ray - Remember the big fish from last year's big winner "The Shape of Water?"  This is his girlfriend.

























Alex Borstein - I actually love this 40's style frock!  Not loving the hair or the hair clip but if I could actually get into a dress like this I'd definitely wear it!  Grade:  B+



Allison Janey - Met her, love her!  She looks PERFECT!  Love the hair, love the dress, love the jewels!  LOVE IT!!  Grade:  AA+++ WINNER WINNER WINNER!


Bradley Cooper and Irina Shayk.  How can a woman be SO FUCKIN' BEAUTIFUL????    After I stopped crying, I was able to give these two the HOTTEST COUPLE Award.  


Catriona Balfe - I absolutely loved her on Outlander. She is so beautiful!  But in this outfit she kind of looks like a tulip.  Grade:  B







Camila Belle - I think this girl is beautiful.  I love her gown, her makeup, her hair.  She's lovely.  Grade:  AAA WINNER WINNER WINNER!!!


La Divinia, Catherine Zeta-Jones - MOVIE STAH!!!!  Personally, I find her to be an obnoxious snob (even though I do admit that I bought some of her sheets from QVC).  

(1)  That dress is RIDICULOUS!    
(2)  The color is horrible!
(3)  You need a spray tan!
(4)  And it's not 1955!  
(5)  And please, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, cut some layers into your hair!  Grade:  F-


Charlize Theron - I always say you can never go wrong with black and white.  Beautiful gown, and good hair.  She definitely knows how to glam it up.  I kind of find her to be full of herself though.  Grade:  B-


Constance Wu - Wow.  Naked with an orange bow. Grade:  D- 


Halle Berry - NEVER, EVER gets it wrong!  She also never ages.  Gorgeous gown, love the ponytail and I would kill for tits like that!  Grade:  A!


Janelle Monae - WHAT.  THE.  FUCK.  
Sometimes taking a fashion risk is not worth it.  This is one of those times.  Grade:  Double F-


Amy Adams - A long blue dress.  BORRRRRRRRRRING.  Grade:  D-


Nicole Kidman - I cannot emphasize enough how much I HATE this style of dress!!!  And the color!  It's a cross between maroon mixed with mud.  ICK!!  And her bag looks like a baby planet.  This is a MAJOR MAJOR GLAMOUR DON'T!  Grade:  F triple minus.  



Debra Messing - Can an ostrich molt?


Add caption
Julia Roberts - Princess of Hollywood.  I can't stand her.  I guess she looks good, however, I'm thinking that if the colors were reversed this might look a little better. OR it might look better without the skirt.  What do you think?  Grade:  B



Jamie Lee Curtis - She looks fabulous.  But I miss the salt and pepper hair.  Has her hair actually gone all white?  The dress is beautiful and she looks pretty damn good.  But .... the dress might have looked better in black.  With her white gown and her white hair .... too much white.  Grade:  A



Joanna Newsome - "I have this great big heart on, I wore it just for you"  
Grade:  Double F -


Darcy Carden - Orange / Blue / Mint green.  What a mess.  Grade:  D



Glenn Close - FABULOUS!!!!  I like it!  She must feel so comfortable with all her junk hanging loose under that gown 😀😆  Grade:  A



Dominique Jackson - This is just beautiful!  Ethereal and feminine.  I love it and she wears it well.  Grade:  A!


Emily Blunt - My ABSOLUTE FAVORITE ACTRESS!!!  Love her!  Love this grey, lacey gown. The hair is perfect, makeup too!  Grade:  AAA WINNER WINNER WINNER!!!!


Elizabeth Perkins - WHERE did you find this schmatta?  FYI ... I have shoes just like yours.  They're my WALKING SHOES.  You're at the GOLDEN GLOBES for crying out loud!  Get a stylist or don't go.  Grade:  F


Elizabeth Moss - Such a pretty PRETTY girl.  Super talented too.  But I think she left her pants at home.  Grade:  C


Indya Moore - Another example why one shouldn't take a fashion risk.  Who wants to look like a chain link fence?  Grade:  F-


Emma Stone - this is a pretty gown IF YOU'RE FIFTY FIVE.


Jessica Chastain - The ever elegant Jessica.  Gorgeous gown!  But every time I see a picture of her I have this urge to hold her down and paint some eyebrows on her.  Grade:  A+




Rosamund Pike - GORGEOUS WOMAN and she's a fantastic actress.  Did anyone see her film "Private War"?  You really should.  She was amazing.  Love the entire look!  The gown, the jacket, the hair, everything!  Grade:  AAA WINNER WINNER WINNER!!!


Judy Greer - LOVE HER, hate the outfit.  WHERE do I begin.  The pants are too long and too wide, the jacket is truly a man's and she could have skipped the bow tie.  Bottom line, she looks like she's wearing her dad's tux.  Grade:  F- 



Julianne Moore - VERY white.  I like it.  It's award season appropriate.  
Grade:  B
 

Keri Russell - Gorgeous.  I think she has a beautiful face.  Very pretty gown but maybe it is a tad too low and too wide.  Grade:  B



Kit Hoover - GORGEOUS shade of blue.  I think this is a beautiful gown.  Her hair and makeup are perfection.  Grade:  A!


Kristin Cavallari - I take it you didn't have time to get those sleeves altered.  Too bad, because it's a beautiful gown but those sleeves are tres long.  And your hair makes you kinda look like a pinhead.  Maybe something looser and fluffier would have worked better.  Just a thought.  I'm also not feeling the lavender earrings.  Grade:  C- 



Kristin Bell - LOVE HER!  Beautiful and ethereal.  Hair and make up are perfection!  Grade:  A!



I love this 30's vibe she has going.  Sequince and glam with a beautiful fur stole!  love it!  Whoever you are you're getting a Grade:  A!






Linda Cardellini - Beautiful gown hair and makeup.  She played Viggo's wife in Green Book.  I think she looks really lovely!  Grade:  A


Lucy Boynton - I'm am totally loving his very retro vibe with the edgy hair and make up.  The gown is a tad too long, but other than that, I give this a Grade:  A!

Luke Evans - My girlfriend Laura and I saw this handsome devil live and in person at a restaurant a few months ago.  He was gorgeous and very tall!  Grade:  A


Lupita Nyong'o - ALWAYS NAILS IT! ALWAYS!  Sheer perfection!  Grade A!


Maya Rudolph - LOVE HER!  I think Maya looks very beautiful in this black gown.  I know there are lots of ruffles but I liiiiiiiike it.  Grade B


This lady looks like a nurse who somehow wandered onto the red carpet and voila!  And that pin looks like a name badge which completes the look.  


Nancy O'Dell - Nancy, you're well into your 50's now.  You gotta stop with the long, straight Morticia coif and the pageant gowns.  Time to retire this look hon and admit that you're onto the next stage of life.  Sweat pants and slippers.  It happens to the best of us.  Good luck and Grade:  F


Natalie Morales - BEAUTIFUL!  Love this orange gown and her hair and makeup are perfection!  She sort of looks like Kate Beckinsale here.  Grade  A!


 Penelope Cruz - This looked much better on camera than this picture.  It is a beautiful gown and she looked amazing.  Grade:  A!




Saoirse Ronan - SIGH ... to be young and beautiful.  Saoirse was sheer perfection!  Grade:  AAA WINNER WINNER WINNER!!! 


 Taraji P. Hensen - Ummmm.  Not feeling the Morticia hair, not feeling that wide open low cut neckline, not feeling the necklace, not feeling the makeup.  Bottom line .... not feeling any of it.  Grade:  F

Thandie Newton - She is so freaking beautiful!  Loved the gown, loved the hair, loved the makeup, loved it all!  Grade:  A


Viggo Mortensen, etc. - What can I say ... I once stood right next to him ... close enough to lick his dimple.  SIGH!


Well ladies and germs, that's it for this years Golden Globes.  Please feel free to comment and I will be back for the Academy Awards!

SMOOCHES!






I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE!!!!

I simply must address all these politicos who have fucked their way through life destroying the lives of countless people - usually women ...