I read this little gem in The Huffington Post.
1. “Nevermind,
I’ll just do it myself.”
Marriage pro tip: When you ask your spouse to call the plumber
to fix the sink, give him a chance to do it. Rolling your eyes and saying,
“nevermind, I’ll do it myself” may result in you getting your sink fixed
sooner, but it’s also likely to rub your spouse the wrong way.
I agree. I don’t know why
these ladies get their panties in a twist.
What’s wrong with waiting a couple months or years? It’ll get done eventually and THAT is the point.
2. “You should
have known.”
You’re setting yourself up for disappointment if you expect your
hubby to decipher every last gesture and statement you make, said Ryan Howes,
a clinical
psychologist based in Pasadena, California. “Women become upset when their husbands can’t read between the
lines or read their minds but guys are notoriously poor mind readers,” he said.
“Wives will save themselves a lot of grief if they can come to accept this and
just ask for what they want.”
I agree. Next time my husband’s
ex-wife calls up and asks him if he can “do her a favor” and he just immediately says “yes” without
asking me I won’t get upset. I mean what’s
the big deal? She was his first wife,
therefore her needs should come first, right?
(p.s. I love my husband's ex-wife. What I don't love is when he forgets to check with me about important stuff!)
3. “Do you
think she’s hot?”
Do you really want to know your husband’s thoughts about
an attractive woman? Probably not ― plus, you’re putting your spouse in an
uncomfortable, no-win situation, said Kurt Smith, a therapist who specializes in
counseling men. “Most men have already identified the pretty women in the
room; if he’s trying to respect you then he should be already trying not to
look, so you pointing her out will only make him more self-conscious,
uncomfortable and unsure of what to do to not upset you or hurt your feelings,”
he said.
Oddly enough this does not bother me. If my husband wants to leave me for a “hot”
chick good luck. First, she's going to want to procreate and then stay home. And I seriously doubt that she will clean
the oily urine stains from the bottom of the toilet bowl. Good luck with that.
4. “We need to
talk.”
No four words strike fear into a married man’s heart quite like
“we need to talk.” Opt for something less ominous sounding the next time you
bring up an issue, said Marcia Naomi Berger, a therapist and author of Marriage
Meetings for Lasting Love: 30 Minutes a Week to the Relationship You’ve Always
Wanted. “The phrase ‘we need to talk’ is often a signal that the wife
has complaints or criticism about the husband,” she said. “He assumes he
somehow failed you and withdraws, creating a disconnect, which is the exact
opposite of what you were trying to accomplish.”
I think No. 4 should be when the husband asks the wife “What do you
want to do?” In my case for instance,
this means that even though the husband is asking you “what do you want to do”
what he really means is he’s giving you the opportunity to tell him what you
want to do even though he knows that y'all are going to do what HE wants to
do anyway. Therefore, when your husband asks
you "what do you want to do?" you should just accept the fact that you are not going to do what YOU
want to do. It’s easier than sticking a
fork in his head. Because you know damn
well his skull is as thick as cement and that fork will never penetrate
it.
5. “Man up.”
Seriously? There’s no right or wrong way to be a man. For your
spouse’s sake, let your gender expectations go and try to have a civil
conversation.
“Telling your spouse to ‘man up’ is a brutal attack on his core
identity,” Howes said. “It’s a statement loaded with contempt and shame and
could create relationship damage that will be difficult to heal.”
I NEVER tell my man to “man up”.
I say this because I have accepted the fact that though he is a old fart, in his mind he is a 15 year old boy.
Accepting this will save the wife tons of aggravation.
6. “Pick up
after yourself. I’m not your mother.”
There are better ways to encourage your spouse to put his dirty
socks in the hamper than telling him you’re tired of feeling like his mom.
“Bringing up mom piles baggage onto what’s probably already a
loaded situation,” Smith said. “Many men are sensitive about their relationship
with their mother, so suggesting he still wants or needs his mom is not a way
to encourage him to change behavior you don’t like.”
If men are sensitive to their relationships with their mothers they
need to get over it and just do what the wives say. It’s
very simple. Underwear does not go on
the floor. In order to combat this
problem I simply pick up his dirty underwear and hang in on the front doorknob. If I have to see it, then the entire world
has to see it.
7. “You never,
you should have, you ought to...”
Sorry, but chiding your spouse about how he never does the
dishes (or takes out the trash or drives the kids to school) isn’t likely to
inspire change, Berger said. “Saying someone ‘never’ does something leaves no wiggle
room for improvement ― it’s like casting a fault of his in stone,” she said.
“It’s much better to say, ‘I’d appreciate it if you would empty the dishwasher
tonight,’ for example. And when he does, thank him and you can expect more help
in the future.”
No wife wants to tell her husband the above. HOWEVER, see answer to No. 5 above. Remember, emotionally he is 15. And why the hell do I have to THANK him for emptying
the dishwasher? I do that 50 fucking
times a day. GET A SPINE.
8. “You’ve put
on a few pounds lately, huh?”
Instead of pointing out changes in your spouse’s appearance, be
supportive and tell him you’d love if he joined you at your cycle class
sometime, said Becky Whetstone, a Little
Rock, Arkansas-based therapist. “Insinuating that his body is not like it once was will shrink
his confidence ― and he’ll probably up his calorie intake just to spite
you!”
Unfortunately, my husband is a work out fanatic who burns calories
like a furnace and can still wear bikini underwear size medium. I, on the other hand, have turned into a
hog. And
bless his heart, he doesn’t criticize.
9. “You’re
going out with the guys again?”
Don’t look at Fantasy Football meet-ups and golf trips as
threats to your marriage. It’s quite the opposite, actually; some time apart
will likely do your relationship good, Howes said. “Yes, sometimes a guy’s night is just an excuse to drink and
fart but for many guys these are crucial times to connect, seek advice, get
support and express some important emotions,” he said. “Wives who feel
threatened by this or forbid their husband from attending may be cutting off a
vital support system.” The biggest bonus of guy time, according to Howes? “There’s a
good chance he’ll actually be a better husband if he can compare notes with
other husbands and dads.”
My husband doesn’t do this too often. But when he does, I do not feel threatened. I'd rather have him drink and fart somewhere else than my home. He does, however spend HOURS AND HOURS recreating. So the gym and his bicycle are his other
woman and I can’t really complain about that.
Thoughts ladies?
