NINE THINGS MEN HATE HEARING FROM THEIR WIVES

I read this little gem in The Huffington Post.  

1. “Nevermind, I’ll just do it myself.”

Marriage pro tip:  When you ask your spouse to call the plumber to fix the sink, give him a chance to do it. Rolling your eyes and saying, “nevermind, I’ll do it myself” may result in you getting your sink fixed sooner, but it’s also likely to rub your spouse the wrong way.

I agree.  I don’t know why these ladies get their panties in a twist.  What’s wrong with waiting a couple months or years?  It’ll get done eventually and THAT is the point.  

2. “You should have known.”

You’re setting yourself up for disappointment if you expect your hubby to decipher every last gesture and statement you make, said Ryan Howes, a clinical psychologist based in Pasadena, California.  “Women become upset when their husbands can’t read between the lines or read their minds but guys are notoriously poor mind readers,” he said. “Wives will save themselves a lot of grief if they can come to accept this and just ask for what they want.” 

I agree.  Next time my husband’s ex-wife calls up and asks him if he can “do her a favor” and he just immediately says “yes” without asking me I won’t get upset.  I mean what’s the big deal?  She was his first wife, therefore her needs should come first, right?
(p.s.  I love my husband's ex-wife.  What I don't love is when he forgets to check with me about important stuff!)

3. “Do you think she’s hot?”

Do you really want to know your husband’s thoughts about an attractive woman? Probably not ― plus, you’re putting your spouse in an uncomfortable, no-win situation, said Kurt Smith, a therapist who specializes in counseling men.  “Most men have already identified the pretty women in the room; if he’s trying to respect you then he should be already trying not to look, so you pointing her out will only make him more self-conscious, uncomfortable and unsure of what to do to not upset you or hurt your feelings,” he said. 

Oddly enough this does not bother me.  If my husband wants to leave me for a “hot” chick good luck.  First, she's going to want to procreate and then stay home.  And I seriously doubt that she will clean the oily urine stains from the bottom of the toilet bowl.  Good luck with that.

4. “We need to talk.” 

No four words strike fear into a married man’s heart quite like “we need to talk.” Opt for something less ominous sounding the next time you bring up an issue, said Marcia Naomi Berger, a therapist and author of Marriage Meetings for Lasting Love: 30 Minutes a Week to the Relationship You’ve Always Wanted.  “The phrase ‘we need to talk’ is often a signal that the wife has complaints or criticism about the husband,” she said. “He assumes he somehow failed you and withdraws, creating a disconnect, which is the exact opposite of what you were trying to accomplish.”

I think No. 4 should be when the husband asks the wife “What do you want to do?”  In my case for instance, this means that even though the husband is asking you “what do you want to do” what he really means is he’s giving you the opportunity to tell him what you want to do even though he knows that y'all are going to do what HE wants to do anyway.  Therefore, when your husband asks you "what do you want to do?" you should just accept the fact that you are not going to do what YOU want to do.  It’s easier than sticking a fork in his head.  Because you know damn well his skull is as thick as cement and that fork will never penetrate it.  

5. “Man up.”

Seriously? There’s no right or wrong way to be a man. For your spouse’s sake, let your gender expectations go and try to have a civil conversation. 

“Telling your spouse to ‘man up’ is a brutal attack on his core identity,” Howes said. “It’s a statement loaded with contempt and shame and could create relationship damage that will be difficult to heal.” 

I NEVER tell my man to “man up”.  I say this because I have accepted the fact that though he is a old fart, in his mind he is a 15 year old boy.  Accepting this will save the wife tons of aggravation.

6. “Pick up after yourself. I’m not your mother.”  

There are better ways to encourage your spouse to put his dirty socks in the hamper than telling him you’re tired of feeling like his mom.

“Bringing up mom piles baggage onto what’s probably already a loaded situation,” Smith said. “Many men are sensitive about their relationship with their mother, so suggesting he still wants or needs his mom is not a way to encourage him to change behavior you don’t like.”

If men are sensitive to their relationships with their mothers they need to get over it and just do what the wives say.  It’s very simple.  Underwear does not go on the floor.  In order to combat this problem I simply pick up his dirty underwear and hang in on the front doorknob.  If I have to see it, then the entire world has to see it. 

7. “You never, you should have, you ought to...”

Sorry, but chiding your spouse about how he never does the dishes (or takes out the trash or drives the kids to school) isn’t likely to inspire change, Berger said.  “Saying someone ‘never’ does something leaves no wiggle room for improvement ― it’s like casting a fault of his in stone,” she said. “It’s much better to say, ‘I’d appreciate it if you would empty the dishwasher tonight,’ for example. And when he does, thank him and you can expect more help in the future.” 

No wife wants to tell her husband the above.  HOWEVER, see answer to No. 5 above.  Remember, emotionally he is 15.  And why the hell do I have to THANK him for emptying the dishwasher?  I do that 50 fucking times a day.  GET A SPINE.

8. “You’ve put on a few pounds lately, huh?” 

Instead of pointing out changes in your spouse’s appearance, be supportive and tell him you’d love if he joined you at your cycle class sometime, said Becky Whetstone, a Little Rock, Arkansas-based therapist.  “Insinuating that his body is not like it once was will shrink his confidence  ― and he’ll probably up his calorie intake just to spite you!”

Unfortunately, my husband is a work out fanatic who burns calories like a furnace and can still wear bikini underwear size medium.  I, on the other hand, have turned into a hog.  And bless his heart, he doesn’t criticize.

9. “You’re going out with the guys again?”

Don’t look at Fantasy Football meet-ups and golf trips as threats to your marriage. It’s quite the opposite, actually; some time apart will likely do your relationship good, Howes said.  “Yes, sometimes a guy’s night is just an excuse to drink and fart but for many guys these are crucial times to connect, seek advice, get support and express some important emotions,” he said. “Wives who feel threatened by this or forbid their husband from attending may be cutting off a vital support system.”  The biggest bonus of guy time, according to Howes? “There’s a good chance he’ll actually be a better husband if he can compare notes with other husbands and dads.” 

My husband doesn’t do this too often.  But when he does, I do not feel threatened.  I'd rather have him drink and fart somewhere else than my home.  He does, however spend HOURS AND HOURS recreating.  So the gym and his bicycle are his other woman and I can’t really complain about that.

Thoughts ladies?