THE GOLDEN GLOBES BEST AND WORST ...

Golden Globe Hostess Zuri Hall.  Those breasts need to burst free!  They're suffocating!  Gown:  beautiful gown with Judy Jetsen hips.  Hair and makeup:  Gorgeous.  Grade:  A

Ashley Graham.  I find this woman so sexy.  However, her girls are hanging a bit too low.  She should have taped those ladies up.  Hair and makeup are beautiful.  Grade B-

Salma Hayek.  What can I say FKN BEAUTIFUL.  Showing a touch of grey hair, and wearing a little too much eye makeup, but beyond beautiful.  Grade: A+

Monica Barbaro.  A beautiful girl.  Hair and makeup perfection.  The gown -- beautiful fit, very young and fresh.  Grade:  A 

Brianna LaPaglia.  Beautiful girl but she needs to lift up that gown because she's about to expose her girls.  The dress gets a minus for a bad fit.  But her hair and makeup are gorgeous.  Overall grade:  B

Keltie Knight.  She looks like a bell.  DING-DONG.  And itchy.  That fabric looks super scratchy.  The high-neck and bell-looking top, not feeling it.  The hair is too severe, but the makeup is beautiful.  Grade:  D for DING DONG.

Lauren LeFranc.  Don't know who she is but I like the gown.  Grade:  C

Cate Blanchett.  Cate usually brings it but this misses the mark.  This particular shade of gold is cheap-looking.  Might have worked better if she were wearing another color altogether.  Grade:  C-

Baby Face and his lady.  Both looking very glam.  Class Couple of the Golden Globes 2025.

 Lily Singh.  I like it.  Beautiful color.  Grade:  B+

Heather McCann.  NO.  Easter is three months away!  Grade F-

Terri Seymour.  If you've never heard this lady speak let me just say, every time I hear her speak I want to clear my throat.  Her voice annoys the hell out of me.  And I don't like her dress.  Grade:  F-

Shanti Atias.  Don't know her but this is a beautiful gown.  Perfect fit, makeup is good, but the hair could have been a little sexier.  Grade:  A-

Ali Wong.  Ali, Ali, Ali.  I know the glasses are a huge part of your "look", but just once I'd like to see you pop in a pair of contacts.  This dress basically looks like one of those wedding dresses you make out of toilet paper at a bridal shower.  HORRIBLE.  And the gloves are totally unnecessary.  Grade:  F-  

Don't know her.  But I like this look.  Very feminine.  Grade:  B

Isabella Rossellini.  THIS is what a real lady looks like.  Grade:  A

Cynthia Erivo.  She should have covered up her boobs a little more.  She is a tiny little thing.  In her funky way she has tremendous style.  Grade:  A

Anna Sawai.  She couldn't walk in this dress!  She literally had to hippity-hop all across the stage.  But the look is beautiful.  Love the dress, the necklace, the hair, and the makeup.  Grade:  A

Cristin Milotti.  If you haven't caught The Penguin on HBO, you NEED TO SEE IT!  This actress is phenomenal in it.  I kind of wish she'd worn her hair down and she should have gone with a red lip.  I'm not in love with the dress and gloves ... makes me think of Morticia.  But I'm going to give her an A because she is such a good actress.    

Sheryl Lee Ralph.  Another example of how good fit makes all the difference.  The bust needs to fit much better.  Grade:  C 

Glenn Close.  I LIKE IT!  Grade:  B+

Elle Fanning.  She ALWAYS wears these light or pastel colors that completely wash her out.  If this ballgown had been black it might have worked better, but this weird apricot shade of "I don't know what" does not work with that leopard print bust.  Grade:  F-

Dakota Fanning.  Looking very womanly and beautiful.  Gorgeous red gown.  Grade:  A

Pamela and Morris Chestnut -- second-best class couple.  

Kerry Washington.  This was a big mistake.  The black gloves, the black hose, the black shoes.  Her hair is all wrong.  Grade:  D-

Awkwafina.  LOVE!  Grade:  A.  

Zoe Kravitz.  Looking, once again, very Audrey Hepburnish.  Grade:  A

Rachel Brosnahan wearing my least favorite color of all time.  Forest green (ugh).  I don't like it.  Grade:  F-

Jean Smart.  This is a horrible look.  The color is boring, the fit is wrong, and her hair is boring.  Grade:  F-

Felicity Jones.  Perfect.  But not in a good way.  Don't like the hair, the gown is okay.  I don't know ... doesn't thrill me.  Grade D  

Kristin Bell.  Again, a very structured, simple column dress.  Grade:  A

Viola Davis.  Not feeling the hair.  The gown and jewels are beautiful.  Grade:  B

Jodie Foster.  LOVE.  Simple, elegant.  Grade:  A

Kate Winslet.  Nice suit.  

Kirsten Dunst.  Nice dress, but she could use more makeup.  Grade:  B

Keri Russell.  What is this?  A cape?  A dress?  Pants?  It's too much fabric and can't makeup its mind what it is.  Grade:  F

Alexandra Daddario.  Very beautiful and glamorous.  Grade:  A

Zoe Saldana.  Beautiful chocolate brown sparkly number with a cape.  Grade:  A

Amy Adams in maroon????  Ick.  The absolute worst color for a redhead.  It does nothing for her.  Grade:  F-

Kate Hudson.  I can't stand Kate Hudson.  You know she's a singer now.  Hate the dress, hate the jewels, hate the Kate.  Grade:  F-

Eiza Gonzalez.  Beautiful girl.  Not really feeling the dress.  Round collar, sleeveless, waist.  It's nothing special other than for the fabric.  Grade:  B-   

Jackie Thon.  Either keep it long or keep it short, but not long and sheer.  Grade:  F-

Kit Hoover.  1.  Steam iron.  2. Fit.  This is a wrinkly mess.  Her hair needs some work.  This actually looks like something she purchased from H&M.  Not good.  Grade F-   

Nicole Kidman.  Love the makeup, love the hair, love the jewels.  And ok, the gown too.  Grade A.  However, Nicole is another one who is starting to really annoy me.  

Angelina Jolie.  Um.  Hair needs improvement.  I don't know what it is, but she doesn't do much for me.  I've always found her to be too weird.    

Arianna Grande.  She looks like a 12-year-old.  

Pamela Anderson.  Pamela.  PLEASE.  I'M BEGGING YOU.  GO BACK TO WEARING MAKEUP!!  And the gown is horrible.  Grade F-

Zendaya.  WINNER WINNER WINNER!!!  Love the dress, love the jewels, love the hair.  Love it all!  Grade A+

Emma Stone.  LOVE THE HAIR!  She is perfection!  Grade:  A+

Selena Gomez looking very ladylike in icy blue.  Gorgeous jewels, beautiful makeup and love the hair.  Grade:  A  

Demi Moore.  I don't like it.  It looks like gold leather and her extensions are WAY too long.  Her arms look scrawny.  Grade:  F-

My two cents.  Ladies, stop with the pulled-back hair!  Y'all need to go softer and sexier.  Bangs and up dos with pieces falling down.  Sexy hair.  The pulled-back look is too severe.   

So, until Oscar time ... 

 

A STUDENTS vs. D STUDENTS

 A Students vs. D Students

For those of us who went through school their entire lives as D students, I salute you!  D students know how to get through life and are much more resilient than A students. D students know how to think on their feet.  For example:

 

They know how to respond when they are:

   

1. Caught ditching;
2. Caught smoking;
3. Caught cheating;
4. Caught chewing gum in class; and A whole other multitude of minor infractions that as one moves through life one will realize how inconsequential this shit is.
5. 
   

I have written my share of "I will not talk in class" a thousand times on loose-leaf notebook paper.  BUT ... I DID IT.  An A student could never handle this task.  An A student would just cry.  Life will clearly beat up the A student.  The D student knows how to bounce back.

 

When your mean old gym teacher tells you to stop twirling your tennis racket and you keep on doing it and she finally yells at you to “get the hell out of here!” You have won.  You have succeeded in frustrating your mean gym teacher and now you don’t have to be in gym class anymore.  See! (big smile).  This also prepares you for how to deal with other assholes later in life.  An A student would just cry.

 

Once when I was in fifth grade, my teacher, Mr. James was reading to the class.  And as he read, one of the characters in the story “shifted their weight from one leg to another.”  I was compelled to do the same.  So, I stood up in the middle of class while Mr. James was still reading, shifted my weight from one leg to the other, and was promptly instructed to stand in the back of the room for the rest of the class.  This type of shit happened to me all the time.  But here is the bigger question.  Is standing up in the middle of a class shifting your weight from one leg to another an indication that you're probably going to grow up to be a serial killer?

 

Classic A student story.  Fifth grade.  Our test papers are being delivered to our desks by Mr. James.  Kimmie, the perfect straight-A student received a B.  Kimmie always, ALWAYS received an A.  I, on the other hand, received a C.  Which was pretty darn good.  I could live with a C.  Kimmie?  No.  Kimmie could not live with a B.  As a result, Kimmie started to cry.  In class.  Like a big ol baby.  It’s better to go through life as a D student I’m telling you.  Being mediocre is its own special gift.  Because somehow, some way, mediocre kids have greatness in them too.  But it is not the kind of greatness that is recognized while you are in school.

 

Your greatness is only realized when you leave that horribly, flawed institution where you are finally able to spread your wings and be who you really are.  A gloriously flawed individual who was never, EVER going to fit into the square peg because you are ROUND!  And that's OK.  You have gifts and talents too. 

My brother.  Classic D student.  Fuckin’ hilarious and a brilliant, and I mean brilliant jazz and blues guitarist.  He studied music.  Reads it, writes it, arranges it.  Music is his passion.  And when you study something you love, that is a real blessing because it's not work.  It's your passion.  And when you're engaged in doing it, your greatness emerges.  You have found your purpose.  Your gift.  

So, if you're freaking out because your kid is bringing home mediocre grades, FEAR NOT!  There is greatness there!  It's merely percolating.  And when it's ready, mark my words, you will be SO PROUD.

 

TRUMP'S NEW CABINET ...

Here it is, short and sweet.

OK, here's how it's going to go down.  All these morons are going to be in Trump's cabinet whether they go through confirmation hearings or not.  We now have a sexual predator and convicted felon prepared to sit in the White House AGAIN.  Why is everyone so shocked that Trump wants a sexual predator as his attorney general?  Matt Gaetz is going to be his Roy Cohn.  He's going to go after everyone that Trump has a hard-on for and leave a trail of destruction in his wake which is EXACTLY what Trump wants.  Meanwhile, Putin, Zelensky, the US, and Germany are preparing for WWIII and NO ONE is covering this because everyone is too busy watching this circus!   

So, here is what I'm going to do.  I'm getting my popcorn and I'm going to watch Trump and his cronies burn it all down and then, at the end of four years, we will have to deal with the aftermath, but with hopes and prayers, this will be the end of Donald Trump and I pray we will never, EVER see his fucking orange face again.  

That's all.

J-LO needs my help ...

 

Everyone knows that I hate Jennifer Lopez.  But, because I am trying to be a better person and not spread negativity into the Universe bringing karma back onto myself, I am going to do a good deed and give J-lo some heartfelt advice.  

Dear Jen,

    You have just cancelled your world tour.  You state that you are devastated and heartbroken about having to do so, but that you must spend time with your family and close friends right now.

    Your last two documentaries, This is Me Now, and This Was Me Then, whatever, bombed.  And, it seems that you and Ben are having trouble and you are actually living separately right now.

    Jennifer, you must, absolutely must, get therapy.  Not couples therapy, but you and the therapist one-on-one.  And not for just six months or a year.  You need to go all in for at least five years.  A 54-year-old woman who still has the emotional maturity of a sixteen-year-old girl needs to examine WHY.  

    You've been married four times and have never, EVER been alone.  Not even for a minute.  You just keep overlapping your relationships.  You divorce one and marry another within a few months of divorcing and/or meeting a new person.  You don't know who you are!  This is why you desperately need your fans and an audience 24/7.  This is not normal.  

    You romanticize your marriages and relationships as though you're the popular girl in high school who is dating the football hero and you want to make absolutely sure you have a ton of pictures of the two of you in the yearbook.  You're fifty-four.  Not sixteen.  Real relationships are not like being on a date for the rest of your life.  They evolve and change.  And it seems when it changes, you freak the hell out and then the next thing you know, you're on the road to divorce again.  Aren't you tired?  You call yourself a hopeless romantic, but honey, you're just hopeless.  You need to find a spiritual practice and practice it.  You need to be alone for a few years and find out who the hell you are.  Believe me, you will not die from not having sex or not receiving adoration 24/7.  This is what feeds your narcissism.  I don't know.  Maybe you've been famous too long, but it's never too late to look inward and reflect, but it takes humility and courage.   

    You need to figure out what you want to do for the rest of your life.  You're quickly on your way to becoming Madonna.  And I don't know about you, but I would rather die than to become like Madonna.  A tragic 66-year-old lady still wanting to be a controversial sex bomb.  That is just sad.  

    I know you thought that when you and Ben finally married it would be heaven on earth.  I knew it wouldn't be.  That's because you want to live your entire life in front of cameras.  Ben Affleck does not like living his life in front of cameras. That's part of the problem right there.  You can't live without cameras in your face, and he can't stand it. What is necessary in this circumstance is that someone has to make a compromise.  You or him.  

    Seriously girl.  You need to grow the fuck up.  I mean, how many weddings do you want to have? 

    Well, I hope you've enjoyed our little talk.  And I hope you take what I said to heart.  Because it's not going to get any better.  Soon, you'll be 60, and let me tell you, THEN everything starts going downhill.  Everything hurts, you can't dance and jump around anymore, and you can forget about wearing Manolo Blahniks ever again.  So, good luck to you, and start exercising your brain.

        Yours truly,

        Debbie       

SHORT AND SWEET .. THE WHITE HOUSE DINNER and other current events ...

 

Jeff Bezos and Lauren Sanchez at White House dinner.  

 

Hun, this tacky rag might work at the Golden Globes (and even then it would be considered "outdated"), but whatever.  And flashing 50-year-old breast implants is never a good look, and you really need to ease up on the Botox and fillers.  

The next time you are invited to a White House affair, please call me.  Elegance is the dress code for the evening.  Not looking like a puta in a long red corset aka saloon girl outfit.

You're welcome.

NEXT ...

The death sentence handed to a real estate tycoon in a $12.5 billion financial fraud case is the latest punishment meted out by Vietnam in the Southeast Asian country’s sweeping “blazing furnace” anti-corruption campaign.

If this was the penalty in the U.S.A., the entire government would be on death row. 

NEXT ... 

So, O.J., what's it like in Hell?