CRITIC'S CHOICE 2020

I'm recapping just for the hell of it.  I didn't even know it was on until the last minute!  Sooooooo, away we go!

Orange seemed to be the color of the Critic's Choice which I LOVE!  Below we have a very pretty gown but no jewelry????  Hair is boring, can't see her earrings.  It has a very 60's feel to it.  Maybe an updo with some killer chandelier earrings would have worked.  It looks very unfinished.  Grade:  C

Ana DuVernay.  Very pretty woman but she always seems to pick the same gown and they add weight to her frame.  This particular frock is too busy and you see the dress, not her.  She's very pretty and I'd like to see her go for something a little sexier.  Grade:  D

Quite beautiful.  The gown is gorgeous and I love the necklaces.  Hair is perfect and very feminine.  Makeup is perfection.  Grade:  A+

NO.  Those sleeves!  And that neckline is very tricky.  If you move your hands your tits would come flying out.  The fabric is also heavy.  Grade: D

This looks one size too big.  The length is too long and the sleeves have enough fabric to make another dress.  The dress basically swallows her up.  Grade:  D minus.

(1) One does not wear a gown inside out I don't care how much of a fashion risk you are taking; (2) When attending an awards ceremony one should at least take the time the wash ones hair; (3) The bodice is much too large; (4) no earrings, no necklace, no bling for an all around grade of:  F MINUS.  

Billy, I know you're not afraid to own it but this sucks.  The color is horrible and the butterfly tattoos are stupid.  Grade:  Double F minus.

One has to be very careful wearing a black ensemble like this.  You run the risk of looking as though you were dipped in oil.  This is one of those cases.  Grade:  F MINUS.

Charlize.  A definite improvement from her Golden Globes green and black ensemble.  This is tres chic!  Grade:  A!

Very "Juliette" style romantic look but you need a little more breasteses to fill out the top.  Also some bling would have been nice.  Grade:  B-

Christina Applegate channeling Morticia Adams.  Grade:  F

Christine Baranski nailed it.  Tres chic!  Grade:  A+

Too, too busy!!!  Dropped shoulders, HUGE sleeves, nauseating fabric for an all around look of QUICK!  I'mona throw up!  Grade:  F

Florence Pugh.  GORGEOUS!  Makeup, hair, jewels, gown, everything is perfection!  Grade:  A+

EVERYTHING about this is a mess.  I think girlfriend should consider a good conditioner for that mane of stringy, fried hair.  Your pantsuit is TOO BIG and in the worst color combination EVER!  And WTF is that piece of fabric just hanging there?  And I think she should seriously consider a trip to the podiatrist.  I've never seen bunions quite like hers.  Grade:  Double F minus.

This would have been stunning if you didn't have those THINGS on your hands and arms.  Jeez, do you not have a mirror!  The makeup is beautiful, hair and earrings beautiful but those gloves!  They look like boots for your arms!  Grade:  C MINUS.

J-Lo.  A definite improvement from the Golden Globe debacle of the Xmas wrapping paper dress.  I think a different color would have worked better.  Grade:  B

The fabric is very pretty but not for a dress.  The earrings are ok but the hair is terrible.  Grade: C

Kate Beckinsale usually always brings it but this is a bit much.  The thing on the shoulder with the draping fabric is all wrong.  It would have looked much better minus the frou-frou.  Grade:  C-

Kelly Clarkson - I actually like this gown.  She looks quite pretty.  Grade:  B

This looks like something that goes UNDER a dress.  It's just a big, shredded petticoat in a horrible flesh toned color.  Earrings are ll wrong and the hair is all terrible.  She merely stuck a messy bun hairpiece on the top of her head but it wasn't messy enough.  Also, you did not put on your self tanner properly … especially on your ankles.  Grade:  F MINUS.

Kristen Bell usually looks perfect but this is not one of those times.  I'm not feeling this jumpsuit thing.  The train of fabric … not necessary and the bodice is funky.  Plus this is a color only very few people can get away with.  Grade:  D

Laura Dern.  BORING!  Grade:  F MINUS.

BEAUTIFUL!  Young, fresh, perfection!  Grade:  A!

Lupita usually nails it but this is a disaster.  This color is all wrong on her and the hair looks ridiculous.  Grade: F

Lydia Hearst, of the famous Hearst family.  Nice dress but it looks like something you'd wear to a wedding.  Also, this gal is a natural blonde and she does not look good with dark hair.  Grade:  C-

Here she is with her natural hair.  Gorgeous right?!  

Mandy Moore usually looks pretty good but I don't like her hair.  Very Mary Todd Lincoln.  I would have like this better without the cape.  Grade:  D

Ok, here we have a pretty little girl.  Hair could have looked better, the bow on the front is tired and I'm not feeling the fabric.  It has little stars … Grade:  D MINUS.

You're at an awards show, not a tea party.  

Nicole.  Love it.  Hair looks really beautiful.  Grade:  A

Make up is horrible.  Earrings and necklace are horrible.  Dress is horrible.  Five will get you ten that she bought this at Forever 21.  Grade:  DOUBLE F MINUS.

Olivia Wilde - GORGEOUS WOMAN.  Makeup is perfection.  OK … what is with the freaking sleeves this season? They overwhelm her.  Love the color of this gown but not the gown.  Grade:  C

Renee Zellweger.  Beautiful!  Grade A

The Fabulous Rita Moreno looking FABULOUS!!!  Grade: A!

That's it!  Hope you enjoyed.  Please comment if you feel compelled to do so.

NEXT … THE OSCARS!

SMOOCHES!

AND AWAY WE GO ....

THE 2020 GOLDEN GLOBES

The incredible Cate Blanchett who is always willing to take a fashion risk.  This is a lovely gown but I would have worn it minus the wings.  But then again, she is much more fashion forward than I am.  Grade:  A

Amy Pohler - NO.  Period.  Grade:  F-

Awakafina - tres chic, although that collar looks mighty itchy. Grade:  A

Charlize Theron - Mmmm …. very pretty shade of green however, does not seem to fit well or look finished and she went WAY to pale with the makeup.  Grade:  C

Dakota Fanning - very sweet.  Love the puffy sleeves and empire waist.  All that's missing is a wand.  Grade:  B+

Jennifer Lopez opted to do a little something different this year.  She made her Golden Globe gown from all of her leftover Christmas wrapping. Grade:  Double F Minus.  

Glenn Close - PERFECTION!!!   Grade:  AAA - WINNER WINNER WINNER!!!

Giuliana Rancic - EAT!!!!!!!!!!!

Jane Levy - BEAUTIFUL!!!!!  Hair, makeup, gown, everything is perfection!  Grade:  A

Jillian Anderson - Still beautiful.  Very simple, but I like it.  Grade:  A

Lucy Boynton - who knew Reynolds Wrap could be so versatile!  

Grade:  Double F Minus with a negative snap. 

Separated at birth?

Gwyneth Paltrow ... Gwynnie ... negliges are for the bedroom.  NOT the Golden Globes.  Grade:  F Minus.

Joey King ... QUICK!  Someone get me a MiraLAX!

Michelle Williams ... NO.  Grade:  F MINUS.  

Very beautiful, except ... I wonder how many flamingos had to die in order to make this gown?  Grade:  A

Phoebe Waller-Bridge - LOVE this look.  Very Golden Globe appropriate.  Grade:  A.

Reese Witherspoon - beautiful in white.  Grade:  a

Zoe Kravitz - ADORABLE!  Love love love!  Grade:  AAA WINNER WINNER WINNER!

Sienna Miller - Who the hell designed this mess?  WTF.  Grade:  Double F minus.  

Shailene Woodley - is it just me or are there too many circles?  

Grade:  C

Jodie Comer - ok, we got my least favorite color forest green, fuscia shoes and a yellow feather bag.  NO.  Grade:  F minus

Salma Hayak decided to show off her Golden Globes but Salma, sometimes LESS is more.  Grade:  B

The hilarious Tiffany Haddish looking very pretty in pink!  Grade:  B+

Joanne Tucker and Adam Driver.  Hon, NEVER wear satin.  Wrinkle City.  Grade:  F

Kate McKinnon - tres chic but I have to say ... I do get so tired of this tuxedo look.  Grade:  B

Golden Globe Winner Brad Pitt!  So glad he took home the award.  He was AWESOME in "Once Upon a Time in Hollywood".  

Margot Robbie - ALWAYS beautiful however, not digging the brocade with the white.  This could have been really gorgeous had the colors been oranges and pinks (IMHO)  Grade:  B.  

Jennifer Aniston in basic black.  BORING.  Grade:  Meh.

Michelle Pfeiffer - Is this the best you could do?

Zoey Deutch - She's a beautiful girl but this mustard yellow mess with the WAY OVERSIZED sleeves are just not cutting it.  Dress is much too mature for her.  Grade:  Better luck next time.

Bill Hader and Rachel Bilson - I've always thought she was so pretty.  Love the gown, love the hair, I'm giving her a well deserved B.

Wesley Snipes ... Can't be sure but I could swear that is the same tux my date wore to my prom in 1975.  

Sofia Vergara - same old same old.  Hate this mud colored maroon.
She looks great, but THE SAME.  Grade:  B

So ladies and germs, that's it!  I hope you all enjoyed my little post.  If I left out any of your favorites, feel free to comment.  

Next .... THE ACADEMY AWARDS!  

Smooches!

Grab hold of something! ...

cause shit is gonna get real.

Conceited Viggo

You’ll never guess … not in a million years … Viggo came to see me in the ether last night!  It’s been ages!  Sigh.  Our relationship has changed so much over these many years.  Once our encounters were beautiful and magical and full of promise, but now, alas … they are not.

It all started when he wouldn’t take a picture with me in real life.  I drove half way across L.A. to see his movie “Jauja” (which, BTW was the weirdest movie ever) and then he wouldn’t take two seconds to put his arm around me and smile at the camera.  I was shattered.  It was then that my feelings for him began to change.

So, last night out of nowhere he appears!  All dressed up in a beautiful blue suit, no tie, but looking dapper as all get out.  He was happy, gregarious, charming and friendly … to EVERYONE … which, if you know Viggo, like I know Viggo, this not like Viggo at all.  He also seemed very taken with himself (see picture above).

Scene:  Large room.  Many people wandering about.  I know he’s there in the room.  He knows I'm there as well.  It’s always like this.  We are totally aware of each other’s presence, but no contact is made and I am left waiting if he will approach me.  We are in a crowded room, can’t really describe what is going on, but there is definitely some type of event taking place and people are happy and excited.

I contemplate approaching him and saying hello but decide against it.  Even in the ether it's been a long time since we last saw each other so we're both tentative, awkward.  It’s then that the moderator announces that they are going to do something special.  Something that women have never done before and Viggo is going to be the one to do it … to one lucky lady.  That lucky lady was not me, but I was almost glad because the “special thing” was that Viggo was going to shave her FACE.  Whoever came up with this idea was … well, I guess it was somewhat inventive and Viggo seemed to really be into it.  I guess it was entertaining but there was something carnival-ish about it.  So unlike Viggo.  I was disappointed in him.  Just a little. 

Before he goes up on the stage to lather his lady’s face he tells me something … but I cant make it out.  He jumps onto the stage and makes a big to do about shaving this gal and when it’s all over the crowd laughs and claps and everyone is having a good ol time.

Afterward, he finds me and begins speaking to me but for life of me I cannot remember a word he says.  I think that this is because he is not behaving like the Viggo I remember.  The sweet, quiet Viggo from the library.  This Viggo is vain and disingenuous.  Then he tells me that he has to speak to a few people but he promises to come back and get me and then take me to his house.  I am excited at the thought, but as always, I do not want to seem too anxious.  Even though I am not comfortable with this new Viggo, I still have feelings for him.  Or maybe I am remembering the feelings of long ago.  Either way, I really do want to leave with him.  So I wait and I wait and I wait.  He leaves me and does not come back.  I’m stunned!  Embarrassed.  Angry.  I feel like a fool.  Then out of nowhere Danny is at my side.  Danny has NEVER appeared in any of my Viggo encounters in the ether so I’m a little confused.  I’m not unhappy to see him, just surprised.

Then, like lightening, Viggo is at my side again and ready to go.  I look at Danny as he is ready join us to go to Viggo’s house and I give him signals with my eyes and mouthed to him, “no … just me.”  My eyes plead with him not to make a big deal  because I really, really, really wanted to go to his house, but then I turned to Dan and see tears forming in his eyes.  I've never seen him look at me like that ... with overwhelming sadness.  And I feel horrible.  I turn to Viggo and once again he has disappeared!  THAT’S IT!  NEVER AGAIN!  I’m done being your fool Viggo!

I tell Dan to wait for me.  I must find Viggo and tell him what I think of him.  And when I do I scream at him  … how he has known for years of my huge crush on him, how he has played with my emotions time and time again and seriously made a fool of me and now I don’t want to have anything to do with him ever again!  IT’S OVER!!!  I leave him standing where he is and run back to my loving husband and leave with him … my REAL true love.  How could I even have contemplated doing such a thing to Danny is mind-boggling to me.  It’s like I finally woke up!  And I leave that place with my one true love vowing never to return to this crazy, nonsensical situation ever again.  

So dear readers, that’s it.  The Viggo Chronicles are over.  No more adventures in the ether, no more encounters in the library.  It was fun while it lasted but it is now time to move on. 

Goodbye dear Viggo.  I loved you a whole bunch for a long time, but now I don't.  Though I will ALWAYS treasure those moments in the library, it's time to part.  Best of luck to you and I really do hope you win your Oscar one day.  

More adventures in Dannyland ...

So, after donating a kidney to our daughter, Danny now has to seriously watch his sodium intake.  This is serious because when one donates a kidney your blood pressure rises and you do not want this to happen.  And with my husband especially, he does not want to be on blood pressure medication.  It has some nasty side effects like bone pain.  So he's doing all he can to handle this situation by educating himself and trying to buy low sodium products, crackers, chips, etc., et al.  

Once Danny gets on a subject, (e.g., understanding the stock market or wanting to understand the computer better he will research and research and research until he becomes an expert on the subject.)  Likewise with educating himself regarding the sodium content on EVERYTHING which involves reading every single label in the entire store to make sure he's purchasing the product with the absolute LEAST amount of sodium.  This is great.  It is really a good thing and I admire it.  However, NOT WHEN I AM WITH HIM AT THE MARKET.    

I am one of those highly sensitive people who cannot deal with a shitload of people, noise, etc., et al.  So going to Walmart on a Sunday afternoon on a 97 degree day in October to do marketing is just about enough to send me over the edge.  THEN, to have to wait while he reads every freaking label to compare sodium content from brand to brand … well, I am literally ready to put a bullet in my head.  If I'd had Valium on me I would have been popping that shit like candy.  

Meanwhile, as I was strolling in the frozen food section there was a man coming right at me with his cart. I could not get out of his way because there was a man and a woman STANDING IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FUCKING AISLE to my right making it impossible for me to move, let alone get out of his way.  He then makes snarky remark and I'm like "dude, I can't move!  I've got two people on my right here and you're right in front of me!  Where do you want me to go!?  (FYI, responding to a snarky man in the Walmart is almost equal to asking someone to blow your brains out, but DAMNIT I WAS PISSED!)  

After that little incident I had an immediate, and I mean IMMEDIATE need to visit the ladies room.  Let me put it to you this way … I'm like a puppy.  Once I eat and walk around a little bit I need to "do my business" … BUT AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.  So, there I am in a Super Walmart which is about the same size of a football field which means I will more than likely have to walk four miles to the nearest bathroom.  IF I don't make it it could be a disastrous situation.  Not to mention that I HATE HATE HATE using a public restroom.  So I ask the nearest Walmart person where the bathroom is.  He mumbles "in front of register 11" … (me thinking … please GOD … do not let Register 11 be four miles away).  I have no time to inform my husband that I'm having a medical emergency because as is Danny's way HE'S DISAPPEARED, so I just walk as fast as possible, sweating the entire time.  I MADE IT.  

So I head back to where I left my old man and find him searching for me in front of the cash registers.  I am literally in front of him and he doesn't see me.  Then I say HEY!  And he tells me "that was really rude.  I was waiting for you and looking for you everywhere.  Why didn't you tell me where you were going?"  BECAUSE YOU WERE NOWHERE TO BE FOUND AND THIS IS WHY YOU SHOULD ALWAYS CARRY YOUR PHONE! 

So we finish our shopping.  He has become a fan of Ezekiel bread.  Walmart did not have Ezekiel bread.  So after we check out (an hour), get to our car, load car (in 97 degree heat in OCTOBER), and head home he says to me …"you wanna stop a Ralph's to get the Ezekiel bread?"  Allow me to explain my work week.  I began a new job which I really like, but my office is literally an hour and a half drive from my house.  So by Friday I was BEAT.  So NO.  I do not want to stop and get the Ezekiel bread.  Those of you who read my blog know that "no" is NEVER something I can say to Danny.  He will bug and bug and bug and bug and bug and bug and bug as to WHY?  WHY?  WHY?  WHY?  I can just run in and get the bread.  It'll take two minutes. We can just get it on our way home.  It'll be fast …. then we can go home blah blah blah blah blah,  

Thank you.