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Conceited Viggo

You’ll never guess … not in a million years … Viggo came to see me in the ether last night!  It’s been ages!  Sigh.  Our relationship has changed so much over these many years.  Once our encounters were beautiful and magical and full of promise, but now, alas … they are not.

It all started when he wouldn’t take a picture with me in real life.  I drove half way across L.A. to see his movie “Jauja” (which, BTW was the weirdest movie ever) and then he wouldn’t take two seconds to put his arm around me and smile at the camera.  I was shattered.  It was then that my feelings for him began to change.

So, last night out of nowhere he appears!  All dressed up in a beautiful blue suit, no tie, but looking dapper as all get out.  He was happy, gregarious, charming and friendly … to EVERYONE … which, if you know Viggo, like I know Viggo, this not like Viggo at all.  He also seemed very taken with himself (see picture above).

Scene:  Large room.  Many people wandering about.  I know he’s there in the room.  He knows I'm there as well.  It’s always like this.  We are totally aware of each other’s presence, but no contact is made and I am left waiting if he will approach me.  We are in a crowded room, can’t really describe what is going on, but there is definitely some type of event taking place and people are happy and excited.

I contemplate approaching him and saying hello but decide against it.  Even in the ether it's been a long time since we last saw each other so we're both tentative, awkward.  It’s then that the moderator announces that they are going to do something special.  Something that women have never done before and Viggo is going to be the one to do it … to one lucky lady.  That lucky lady was not me, but I was almost glad because the “special thing” was that Viggo was going to shave her FACE.  Whoever came up with this idea was … well, I guess it was somewhat inventive and Viggo seemed to really be into it.  I guess it was entertaining but there was something carnival-ish about it.  So unlike Viggo.  I was disappointed in him.  Just a little. 

Before he goes up on the stage to lather his lady’s face he tells me something … but I cant make it out.  He jumps onto the stage and makes a big to do about shaving this gal and when it’s all over the crowd laughs and claps and everyone is having a good ol time.

Afterward, he finds me and begins speaking to me but for life of me I cannot remember a word he says.  I think that this is because he is not behaving like the Viggo I remember.  The sweet, quiet Viggo from the library.  This Viggo is vain and disingenuous.  Then he tells me that he has to speak to a few people but he promises to come back and get me and then take me to his house.  I am excited at the thought, but as always, I do not want to seem too anxious.  Even though I am not comfortable with this new Viggo, I still have feelings for him.  Or maybe I am remembering the feelings of long ago.  Either way, I really do want to leave with him.  So I wait and I wait and I wait.  He leaves me and does not come back.  I’m stunned!  Embarrassed.  Angry.  I feel like a fool.  Then out of nowhere Danny is at my side.  Danny has NEVER appeared in any of my Viggo encounters in the ether so I’m a little confused.  I’m not unhappy to see him, just surprised.

Then, like lightening, Viggo is at my side again and ready to go.  I look at Danny as he is ready join us to go to Viggo’s house and I give him signals with my eyes and mouthed to him, “no … just me.”  My eyes plead with him not to make a big deal  because I really, really, really wanted to go to his house, but then I turned to Dan and see tears forming in his eyes.  I've never seen him look at me like that ... with overwhelming sadness.  And I feel horrible.  I turn to Viggo and once again he has disappeared!  THAT’S IT!  NEVER AGAIN!  I’m done being your fool Viggo!

I tell Dan to wait for me.  I must find Viggo and tell him what I think of him.  And when I do I scream at him  … how he has known for years of my huge crush on him, how he has played with my emotions time and time again and seriously made a fool of me and now I don’t want to have anything to do with him ever again!  IT’S OVER!!!  I leave him standing where he is and run back to my loving husband and leave with him … my REAL true love.  How could I even have contemplated doing such a thing to Danny is mind-boggling to me.  It’s like I finally woke up!  And I leave that place with my one true love vowing never to return to this crazy, nonsensical situation ever again.  

So dear readers, that’s it.  The Viggo Chronicles are over.  No more adventures in the ether, no more encounters in the library.  It was fun while it lasted but it is now time to move on. 

Goodbye dear Viggo.  I loved you a whole bunch for a long time, but now I don't.  Though I will ALWAYS treasure those moments in the library, it's time to part.  Best of luck to you and I really do hope you win your Oscar one day.