From Venting to Viggo

Sunday, February 24, 2019

2019 OSCAR TIME!!!!

Here we gooooooooo!

BEST PICTURE OF 2019 - GREEN BOOK!!!!!

Adam Driver and Joanne Trucker. Cutest couple. I love her look. Very chic.

Allison Janey - Very chic in black however this look does not excite me. I love you Allison but I have to give you a C.

Amanda Stenberg - I love the 20's vibe she has going! Love the hair, love the gown, love the jewels - Grade: A+

Amy Adams - I enlarged this photo because you can see the detail on the dress much better. I think this is quite beautiful and she looks very Oscar worthy. Grade: A+

Amy Pohler - Very chic! Grade: A-

Angela Bassett - This is also a very Oscar looking gown and it's a pretty fuscia, but I don't like that thing on the shoulder and it's a little wrinkly. Grade: C-

Awkwafina - This does not fit at all! It adds weight to her middle and looks too tight. The bag is silver and looks like my traveling make up bag, the bow is silver, bottom line ... it's too much silver. Grade: F-

Ashley Graham - VA VA VOOM!!! Perfection! Gorgeous silhouette, beautiful necklace, the hair and makeup, again perfection. Grade: A+ WINNER WINNER WINNER

Billy Porter - don't know who he is, but I find this strangely sexy. Grade: A

Alison Brie - Mhmmm. Not feeling the neckline. It's too long (if that makes sense). Pretty leg, nice shoe, but I'm not feeling it. Grade: D

Charlize Theron - GORGEOUS. I'm getting a very 30's feel with this gown. The cuffs, the bracelets on each wrist, the necklace, her hair and makeup are perfection. However, the black earrings are a miss. Grade: A-

Constance Wu - Very feminine and Oscar worthy. A definite winner! Grade: A+

Diane Warren - The pants and shoes make me think of Elvis circa 1970. The jacket, dog tag, CHAIN, and turtleneck make me think of a dangerous Rottweiler who got off the leash. Grade: Double F-

Elsie Fisher - I cannot tell you how I hate the high-water pant look. You're at the Academy Awards WEAR A DRESS. Very pretty girl and a very talented actress however she is very young and someone did not advise her correctly. Grade: C

Emilia Clarke - Not feeling this dress. It misses somehow. Don't like that flap on the right. She looks nice. Hair and make up is good but, for me it falls flat. Grade C+

Emma Stone - When you enlarge the picture you can see the detail. Not sure how I feel about the wings. The color of the dress and her hair and her make-up all match. It's all very brown. I'll give her a Grade: B (for brown).

Gemma Chan - As a fat lady I am LOVING this gown. Gorgeous shade of pink with pockets! It's basically a fancy moo-moo which is right up my alley. An Oscar dress where your junk can hang out and no one knows it. Grade: B

Giuliana Rancic - the only human living cadaver. I'm getting a very Audrey Hepburn feel. Love the shoes and the ballerina style skirt. The halter and lace top, mmmm, not sure. She definitely could have used some more filler (not in her face, IN HER ARMS). Grade: C+

Glenn Close - Girlfriend definitely knows she is going to win the Oscar, hence the gold gown, but there is just way too much fabric going on here. Hair and makeup are beautiful but the miles and miles of fabric take away from her. Grade: D

Helen Mirren - OK, hear me out. I know she is a lady of a certain age, but this gown is actually too mature for her. She can look a lot sexier than this because I've seen her do it. This is for me, a very 1960's type of gown. Grade: D

Holland Taylor - VERY chic and hip. LOVE IT. This is how a lady of a certain age nails it! Grade: A

J. Lo - Please see Molly Sims below. THAT is how you do a skin tight silver gown. Grade: F- (because I hate her.)

Molly Sims - THIS is how you do it Jenny. Grade: A+

Jason Momoa and Lisa Bonet. Jason, looking very scraggly, chose to wear the tux he wore to prom, and Lisa looked too funky for words. You've got some lavender at the neck and shoulders, netting in pink down the bodice, a cheap looking skirt, shoes that look like boots, tats and a look that is an all around mess. Grade: F-

Jennifer Hudson - Looking very beautiful. She actually wears this dress very well. Grade: A

Jennifer Lewis - In the 80's I had a belt made out of this fabric ... not a whole outfit. That should tell you something. Grade: D

Kasey Musgraves - Pretty in Pink, but just looking at this dress makes me itchy! Grade: D-

Lady GaGa - Mhmmm .... Not feeling it. It's too "what you should wear to the Oscars if you get nominated for best actress in 1955" .... lose the gloves, the pointy things at the hip are totally unnecessary, not feeling the hair. It just misses in a big way. Grade: D

Laura Marano - A pink and yellow explosion of a mess with a HUGE bow in the back and a mermaid green bag. Grade: F-

Laura Harring - She is SO PRETTY! Love the gown but I don't like that necklace. Grade: A-

Linda Cardellini - This is a beautiful shade of pink but I HATE the short skirt, long skirt look. This looks like a fancy peignoi robe with a pair of black Payless pumps. NO. Grade: C-

Maya Rudolph - A shower curtain does not a gown make. Grade: F-

Rachel Weiss - Is that pleather? Grade: D-

Melissa McCarthy - Looking very pretty. Love it! Grade: B

Michelle Yeoh - BEAUTIFUL! Grade: A

Pharrell Williams and wife: Couldn't make up your mind Pharrell? Boy Scout or G.I. Joe?

Regina King - The only thing I do not like are the pumps. A strappy shoe would have looked much better. Grade: A-

Sarah Paulson - This thing looks completely unfinished. It's a gorgeous color and the necklace is beautiful but the dress is a total mess. It looks like a parachute and makes her look like she has no shoulders. Grade: F-

Renee Bargh - This is beautiful! I don't know who this lady is, but I think this is one of the best looks of the night! Gorgeous! Grade: AAAA++++

Sam Elliott and Katherine Ross - Cutest Couple. HE IS STILL A SEXY FOX! And she still has a waist.

Sandy Powell - I always find it so interesting that designers have absolutely no taste when it comes to dressing themselves. Grade: K for KOOKY.

Spike Lee channeling the Purple People Eater (those of you born after the 1980's won't get it).

Tessa Thompson - So pretty. This photographed beautifully.

Tina Fey - as always ... BORRRRRRRRRRRRING.

Trudie Styler - gorgeous. Grade: A+

Viggo Mortensen - still a handsome devil. BUT HE BROUGHT HER! I couldn't believe it!

Willem Dafoe - tribute to him because his brother, Dr. Donald Dafoe, did my daughter's kidney transplant.

Zuri Hall - I LOVE this gown! Love the color! Everything! Her hair and makeup - perfection! GORGEOUS! Grade: A

Maria Menonous - LOVE HER! I love her hair! The dress is yellow with a splotch of white, as if bleach was splashed on the skirt. Also, she has tits I'd die for!

Grade: B-

Marie Kondo - Looking very tidy.

And there you have it ladies and germs. Until next year ... au revoir!

Wednesday, February 13, 2019

TO HELL AND BACK ...

So, on January 23, 2019 my husband donated a kidney to our daughter. This was her second kidney transplant and I am happy to report that she is doing AMAZINGLY WELL! Her numbers are great and I am praying things continue in this direction. Last time we did transplant (donated by my wife-in-law, Lauren's mom) we ran into issues with rejection, endless worry, trips to the emergency, etc. Hopefully, we will not encounter any of these issues.

Lauren now has mom's kidney and dad's kidney. Mom said she should get a tattoo on each side of her belly saying MOM and DAD.

We were told that Dan would be in the hospital for three days. NOT. As fate would have it, he had terrible complications, a bowel obstruction, serious pain due to vomiting, dry heaving and basically, suffering and agony in the form of an NG tube into the nose down to the stomach. PRAY YOU NEVER HAVE TO WITNESS A LOVED ONE GOING THROUGH THIS. It was HORRIBLE. To see a grown man screaming while vomiting black shit into a barf bag all the while having a tube shoved down his nose and throat ... well, let's just say the memory alone makes me want to faint.

He suffered greatly but on day four the tube was removed and he was able to eat bland food, broth, Jello, crackers, ice chips. Day five he was released from the hospital. Hallelujah. NOT. One day at home, one night in his own bed, next morning ... DRY HEAVING ALL MORNING. Call the hospital. Bring him into emergency. Luckily got a room right away because he was a kidney donor in distress. After x-rays and a ultrasound it is determined he needs another NG tube or he will continue trying to vomit and die of pain while doing so. A truly life threatening situation. So, they attempt to put the tube into the same nostril. Bad idea. It was sore and tender from the previous tube. They had to take it out and insert it into the other nostril and I once again had to watch my beautiful husband undergo this torture while yelling and vomiting and pleading for them to stop. HORRIBLE. H-O-R-R-I-B-L-E.

The cause of all this hell is called paralytic ileus. The stomach and intestines never woke up from the anesthesia. I didn't know that your organs also go to sleep when you're given anesthesia. Also, the opioids they were giving him for pain made this situation worse. He is VERY sensitive to opioids. Now, where I can pop Vicodin like candy, Danny cannot. Doctors do not know what causes this, there is no cure for it, the bowels just wake up when they wake up. And then, they can go to sleep again! So everything he'd eaten or drank was basically sitting in his stomach like a stopped up sink. And it had to come out, via the tube into his stomach.

After the second NG tube had been inserted poor Danny tried to calm down and breathe somewhat normally while I rubbed his brow and let him know I was there. They admitted him and he endured the next five days with a tube in his nose and no food, water or even ice chips. It was terrible. At one point he looked me in the eyes, dead serious and said he didn't think he was going to survive it.

Without going into more detail about wearing the same clothes for five days, no sleep, endless worry, helplessness, watching someone I love more than life suffer so horribly, we finally got the word that they could remove the tube and he could slowly begin eating a very bland diet. After eleven days in the hospital and a loss of 20 pounds he was finally able to go home.

NOW ... those of you who read my blog know how stubborn my man is. The day of his release the entire transplant team comes in to talk to us. First question Dan asks the doctors is ... can he have hash browns. Yeah. You know, potatoes fried in oil? Yeah. Those things. Doc says no. GO SLOWLY. Tea, jello, broth, soup. The doctor actually said "listen to YOUR WIFE." I'm thinking, "doc, you'd have better luck bringing a stranger in off the street to tell my husband he should not have hash browns. A stranger he'd believe. Me? I'm only HIS WIFE. But no. Dan continues asking EVERYONE in the hospital if he could have hash browns. Knowing Danny, he figured that if he asked enough people eventually he'd find someone that would say "Yes. You can have has browns." (eyes rolling) even if it was the janitor.

Well, glad to report, his appetite returned, he is eating normally, though like a piglet and when he eats like a piglet he feels really stuffed and uncomfortable. But, like a cranky baby who is exhausted and fighting sleep by crying and crying, I just have to let him do it HIS WAY. God help me.

His energy level is not what it used to be, but will return in time. He's adapting to doing nothing, which is driving him batty, but in time he'll be back better than ever. And most importantly, Lauren is doing EXCELLENTLY. She is eating great, she looks beautiful, her skin once mottled with dark spots has completely cleared up, her hair is beautiful again. The kidney disease was robbing her of her of energy and health. Now, she is WHOLE.

LIFE. GOD, GOOD HEALTH, LOVE, AND FAMILY. This is ALL that matters in life.

Dan minus NG tube.

LOVE HER SOOOOOO MUCH!

Lauren in bed, Dr. Dafoe in white coat (Willem Dafoe's brother!) An amazing team of healers.

Danny, I love you more than you'll ever know. Lauren, I love you more than you'll ever know. I love everyone more than they'll ever know. Our wonderful friends and family who gave mountains of support, help, love and prayers. We could not have gotten through it without you all.

GOD BLESS YOU ALL

Sunday, February 10, 2019

THE GRAMMY'S AND BAFTA'S BEST AND WORST ...

First, the Grammys - short and to the point:

Alicia Keyes ... I know you're on this natural kick but I don't like it. WEAR MAKEUP!!!

Ashlee Simpson - WINNER WINNER WINNER!!!

Cardi B - A daffodil or a clam. Take your pick. Both are stupid.

Fantasia Barrino - Bjork in reverse.

Bjork

Lady GaGa - Cheap looking glamour with TERRIBLE hair. I've seen better dresses at a Quincinera.

PEOPLE WHO SHOULD BE BANNED FROM THE RED CARPET

Heidi Klum!

She looks like a yeast infection.

Janelle Monae - live from Saturn ...

J-LO - NO.

Katy Perry - Put a shade on her and she'd look like a lamp.

Kylie Jenner - You know that game you play at every bridal shower you've ever been to in life where you have to design a wedding dress made from toilet paper?