SO, it's 183 degrees in Los Angeles today. Unlike other parts of the country, summer in So. Cal starts in July and ends literally on November 1. My husband is also in vacation this week. I hate when he's on vacation. I love him. But I hate when he's home. Every. Day. For a week.
Today he says: "HEY! Let's make carne asada!
This means that I, yours truly, will have to stand over a hot stove and make rice and beans, and slice avocados and then I get to heat up a bunch of tortillas. Corn and Flour. I hate heating corn tortillas because they take a year. A flour tortilla heats up in seconds. Corn, not so fast. This is because Danny likes them burnt … to a crisp, which I have told him over and over again is carcinogenic and not good for you, but whatever. I don't understand why he just doesn't eat his beans with chips, but I digress.
OK. She here's the annoying part. To make Spanish rice you need tomato sauce. I ALWAYS HAVE TOMATO SAUCE because I MAKE LOTS OF RICE. Every time I go to the market I will pick up at least 2 cans of tomato sauce just for this purpose. Now, in the old days when you went to the market it was EASY to buy TOMATO SAUCE. Because TOMATO SAUCE was just TOMATO SAUCE. It's not like that anymore. Now they have tomato sauce, "with garlic," "Italian style tomato sauce," "tomato sauce with no salt," "tomato sauce with basil," "tomato sauce for meatloaf," etc., et al. Also, the tomato sauce is on the lowest shelf which means this old lady with arthritis in her knee has to BEND DOWN and read every freaking can of tomato sauce just to find PLAIN OLD TOMATO SAUCE.
So, I look in the pantry. EUREKA! Tomato sauce …. Italian style. FUCK. So I tell Dan …. "we have no tomato sauce." Let's leave this right her for a moment.
Danny, the man who can FIND NOTHING …
Hon, where are my … (shoes, keys, wallet, glasses, toothbrush, socks, dental floss, Q-tips, FILL IN THE BLANK) IMMEDIATELY BEGINS SEARCHING THE PANTRY …. FOR TOMATO SAUCE. With a vengeance. He never EVER searches for anything unless it is directly related to his stomach.
I REITERATE … DAN! WE DON'T HAVE ANY! (for which I am secretly so happy about because I now do not have to make rice in a hot kitchen with the temps outside at 183 degrees) …
DAN, the man who can find NOTHING, ...
FINDS THE FUCKING PLAIN TOMATO SAUCE. OF COURSE.
Hon! (he shouts with glee) I FOUND TOMATO SAUCE!
I here you girl. I can never find things, but my hubby will locate it in a second. I swear, he hides it on purpose to make himself look like a hero. Ugh!
ReplyDeleteugh. mine is like that too. yours and mine must be brothers from other mothers.
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