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Let's get started.  

First the hostess with the mostess ... as I refer to her every year, Giuliana Rancic, the Human Toothpick looked tres chic.  Except for her incredibly boney shoulders and arms, and p.s., she could really do with some bangs to cover up that humongous forehead.  I loved the gown, hair was questionable but the jewels were appropriate. 
Grade:  B

Kristin Cavallieri channeling Morticia Adams.  WHAT IS WITH THOSE SLEEVES!  Grade:  F

Debra Messing.  First of all, Debra's skin looks TERRIBLE!  Her eye shadow is all wrong and winged out too far.  Not feeling the pants/tunic look.  It's okay if you're going to your BFF's daughter's wedding, but considering that she is usually so chic, this did not thrill me.  Grade:  D-  (don't her arms look chubby?)

Allison Janey.  This woman has the best body.  The dress fits her perfectly.  But the white detailing is making me think of .... butterflies, spilled ink, Rorschach test.  The fit is impeccable.  I'll give her a solid B-.  Hair and makeup also look good..

Alexis Bledel.  She's so pretty.  Not sure about this outfit ... it actually looked better on T.V.  I love this little girl.  She's Latina!  Mexican-American/Argentinian.  GO GIRL!  This outfit reminds me of a jumpsuit I wore on New Years Even in the 1980's except the leaves were rhinestones.  Grade:  B

Catherine Zeta-Jones. I can't stand this broad.  Her dress looks like a very fancy negligee.  Her hair looks OK.  Green earrings?  No.  And it appears as though Ms. Zeta-Jones is in need of some work.  Grade:  C

Allison Williams .... WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?  I'm thinking pumpkins and sunshine??  That orange silver thing with the black dot up top?  The only thing that might have improved this look is no choker and a pair of statement earings instead.  Allison needs a new stylist. Grade:  D-

Dakota Johnson, Mrs. Gray herself looking BOMB!  LOVE LOVE LOVE this dress.  It is beautiful and the back detailing was gorgeous.  Dress beautiful, makeup beautiful, hair could have been better, but the look is very nice.  Grade:  A+  WINNER WINNER WINNER

Roseanne Barr ... I'm just gonna say it.  She looks like an ex-chola from La Puente at her 40 year high school reunion.  

Catriona Balfe - LOVE HER in Outlander and she finally got a nomination but what's with this dress????  Too many do-dads.  You've got some frou-frou things on your arms, flowers above the skirt, straps AND a choker????  Weren't you a model once?  Advice:  Get yourself a stylist.  And also, the hair is much too severe.  Unfortunately, your grade is a big fat F.

Viola Davis - I loved this look.  Very 1970's.  Love the hair, love the jewels, love the dress, she looks stunning. Very carefree and sleek.  Grade:  A+ WINNER WINNER WINNER!

So my freaking T.V. didn't RECORD ALL THE WAY TO THE END and I missed the Best Actress winner!  It turns out if was Frances McDormand for Three Billboards (which I loved) and as my BFF Linda Lou texted me this ....
"does Frances McDorman OWN makeup?"  

Angelina Jolie .... mhmmm .... Angelina went very 1960's with this year's dress.  I'm just not feeling the whole "ladies who lunch" era.  And those frou-frous on the sleeve are totally going to get into her food  .... Grade:  D


Alicia Vikander ... you're in your twenties ... why are you dressed like a nun?  Grade:  C

Mary J. Blige looking fantastic!  Love the dress, love the hair, love it all!  Grade:  A+ WINNER WINNER WINNER!!!

Claire Foy - SUPER CHIC!  Love the hair, love the suit.  
Grade:  B

Margot Robbie - OK.  Margot, you're gorgeous, you're a NOMINEE and you pick THIS DRESS?  I don't like the print, you could have jazzed it up a little more. It takes away from your beauty.  Grade:  C

No.  Just NO.

(Definitely a Glamour don't)

Kendall Jenner - BEST DRESS PERIOD.  She is beautiful.  The shoes are amazing.  Grade:  A+

Elizabeth Moss - Very 1950's housewife, but with rhinestones.  All that's missing are the apron and oven mitts.  Grade:  D

The Diva Meryl Streep looked appropriately intelligent and serious with her  basic black gown and glasses.  (I could swear she's worn this before).  She brought with her Agin Pu, National Director of The National Domestic Workers Alliance, also in black.  Meryl .... Grade:  Nothing.  A big fat ZERO.

Gal Gadot - AMAZING.  So beautiful.  Her smile lights up her entire face!  I had a dress exactly like this (but short) ... I know I know.  I WAS the bomb. 
Grade:  A+

Tracee Ellis Ross - I would have been SO PISSED if I'd had to sit behind her with that thing on her head.  Grade:  D

Saoirse Ronan - Very talented actress.  However, this reminds me of the cover of the Manhattan Transfer's Twilight Zone album from the 1980's.  Glam yet severe. 


Halle Berry - does this check ever age!  Look at those legs!  Grade:  A

Natalie Portman - Loved the neckline on this dress.  It had a very medieval feel. to it.  Grade:  B+

And last but not least, the Queen of all Media, Oprah Winfrey.

She looked beautiful and I loved the way Stedman helped her up the steps to the stage.  She gave an incredibly moving speech and I would most definitely vote for her if she ever ran for president. 

That's all folks!  Until the Academy Awards where hopefully, the ladies will wear some COLOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If I missed any of your favorites, please feel free to weigh in. 

p.s.  This was kind of last minute.  I totally forgot the Globes were on! 



  1. I with you about Viola, but not about that Jenner girl. The dress, the posing, the lips, the wondering why the hell she's there?

    Halle looked like she'd been at The Club til just before showtime.

    Margot? No. Lizzie Moss/ Lucy wore it bettah.

    Here's what I thought:


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