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THIS WEEK IN HISTORY ...


GLORY HALLELUJAH!  STRIKE UP THE BAND AND START THE PARADES!!!  Kimmie FINALLY had her baby!  She's here, she's here ... she's FINALLY here! 
 
Miss North West ... Well, actually, this is NOT her name.  Rumor has it, the baby's name starts with a "K"  ... (at the risk of overusing NeNe, I just can't help myself because her expression so encapsulates exactly how I feel ...   

 

Dr. Terry Dubrow - Horndog and Perv
So I'm in bed playing on the computer watching the Housewives of O.C. and I cannot believe what I have just witnessed ... Slade (The Slimeball) Smiley and Terry Dubrow (plastic surgeon to the uber wealthy and husband of the very, VERY proper Heather Dubrow) have just had a conversation comparing the sexual talents of Lauri Waring- Peterson vs. Gretchen Rossi (Slade's fiancée).  (Heather is going to be so pissed when she sees this).   

To fill you in ....  Slade used to bang Jo on Season 1.  Then Jo left the show to seek fame and fortune as a recording artist (insert NeNe here).  Once Jo was out of the picture, he then started banging Lauri until Lauri found her Prince Charming in gazillionaire George Peterson.  Once Lauri was off the market, Gretchen's much older fiancé conveniently died leaving her $2.1 million his everlasting love and making the way clear for Slade to find true love with Gretchen.  Gretchen and Slade are now "engaged" (and just so you don't think Slade is a total slimeball, he did give Gretchen a better grade than Lauri) ... on a scale from 1 to 10, Lauri is definitely a 10, but Gretchen is WAY more than a 10.  (She must be so proud). 


Lauri - TEN



Gretchen - 10+














                                                        










I'd love to be a fly on the wall when Gretchen sees this episode.  Her man just compared her sexual abilities to Lauri's.  Now THAT, I'd pay to see.

Next, Lydia got her panties in a twist because Slade told her she is so petite, so tiny, that she needed to eat a cheeseburger.  This is where I would grudgingly have to agree with Slade.  SHE DOES NEED TO EAT A CHEESEBURGER.  Her teeth are bigger than her entire head and she has that anorexic looking face ... the big doe eyes, the hollow cheeks, the big assed teeth and the limbs of a toothpick.  

Lydia, do yourself a favor and DO eat a cheeseburger, or two.  With some fries.  And a chocolate shake.  And some pie.  And a piece of birthday cake. 


This incident took place at Lydia's Salsa Party to which the whole gang was invited.  Eddie, the one and only LATINO, just proved to the entire world that he CANNOT DANCE and HAS NO RYTHYM.  Eddie, you're giving Latinos a bad name dude.  One does not raise ones arms like a chicken flapping its wings while salsa dancing.  No. NO. NOOOOO.  Tamra may think you're a hot Latin lover ... but if you ask me, a straight guy would never, EVER wear a skin tight, sleeveless black t-shirt.  (P.S.  Me thinks Eddie is a homo).

(Dude ... you wish) 

he look like he needs jaw surgery

P.S.  These two love birds just tied the knot.  Congratulations you crazy kids.  This is Tamra's THIRD walk down the aisle.  His first.  She has four kids.  He has none.  Tamra:  DO NOT HAVE ANY MORE KIDS ... because SERIOUSLY, I give this marriage three years tops.    

Tamra in virginal blush pink, dripping in diamonds and orchids. 

... and THAT'S all she wrote.

Comments

  1. Where to begin ....
    Kimye? Will this finally shut you both up?

    Terry? You're a moron. You aren't 'one of the guys' so stop acting like it.

    Slade? Methinks Lauri would give you a 1 and Gretchen might give you a 4.

    Lydia? If they change the name to The Real Boring Housewives of the OC you can stay. Otherwise, pack up and go and take those kids with the dumb names with you, and your so-not-gay-but-I-wear-scarlet-red-pants husband with you.

    Eddie? Thought you were gay til I saw you dance in that tank top, so then I thought you were straight until I saw you in that 'Package Exposing' swimsuit which makes me think you're queer, dear, and then you married Tamra--who looks like a chorus girl at the Las Vegas Cracker Barrel--and you look like you wanna wear her dress, so, yeah, you're gay, Eddie, you're gay.

    I give the marriage two seasons of OC.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. LMAO!!!!!! FUCKEN HYSTERICAL AS ALWAYS!!!! I CAN'T WAIT FOR YOUR COMMENTS THEY CRACK ME UP SO MUCH!

      XOXOXO

      Delete
  2. I thought for sure you would write about Vicki peeing her pants in the previous episode.

    ReplyDelete
  3. I couldn't. It grossed me out TOO MUCH.

    ReplyDelete

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DANNYLAND ...

Danny has this disgusting habit of brushing his teeth and then rinsing his toothbrush and leaving it ALL WET in the toothbrush thing.  (See photo below.  A roll of toilet paper he sets on the counter like a cup and then sticks his toothbrush in the middle of it) ... what a genius huh?

The point?  Adisgusting, wet toothbrush will collect bacteria and mosquitoes and it's disgusting and filthy.  It drives me crazy.  Does he stop?  NO.  


What you're supposed to do is brush, rinse with HOT water and then DRY THE BRUSH THOROUGHLY ... THEN put it in the toothbrush thing.  IT'S NOT THAT HARD.

And how hard is it to take the yogurt OUT of the plastic bag?


God forbid he break a sweat. 

 Also, he never EVER closes a drawer, a cabinet, or a door ... EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Don't you HATE when your husband makes hamburgers ...




*sigh* ... my life.

OSCARS BEST AND WORST ...

Well, for some unknown reason I was unable to get E! Live on the Red Carpet!  I called the cable company, I unplugged the t.v. to reboot it ... NOTHING.  SO, I had to go with Channel 7's coverage which is NOT NEARLY AS IN DEPTH as E!  Needless to say Mama was pissed. 

So, with that in mind ... let's get started!


Alicia Vikander.  Beautiful!  She looks very young and sweet and elegant.  Love the color of this gown .... Grade:  A


Jennifer Lawrence.  BEAUTIFUL!  Love the hair, love the make up, love the the gown.  WINNER WINNER WINNER!!!  Grade:  A++


Brie Larson.  I'm not really feeling this gown.  The color is beautiful but the belt and the bling and the ruffles and the pleats ... there's a lot going on here.  Grade:  C



Nice guy Dave Grohl and wife.  Class Couple!  Love her dress and earrings ... very pretty. Dave .... it's the ACADEMY AWARDS .... a traditional tux would have worked much better and you would have looked SO HANDSOME.  Wife Grade:  A, Dave's Grade:…