OK. Right off the bat, I wasn't really thrilled with anybody. No one wowed me. And I gotta say that since my boyfriend was robbed of a nomination for his brilliant work in A Dangerous Method, my heart wasn't in this year's award show. With that said, let's get started!
OK. Everybody knows that Mama hates Jennifer. But, you gotta hand it to her ... she knows how to look like a movie star so I gotta give her a good grade: AAnd can I just say, I'm glad she left her boy toy home. Casper (the one who looks like a horny 14 year old) ... he was going to be her date but his mother wouldn't let him stay out late on a school night. :)
Shailene Woodley. This dress is almost an exact copy of the confirmation dress my mother made for me in 1971. Honey, you are much too young to wear something like this. All you need is a wimple, a veil and a rosary and you'd look just like a nun. This is not the look to cultivate in Hollywood. You're too young to cover everything up like that. Grade: F-
Sandra Bullock. Black/white/spangle ... swear to god I had a jumpsuit just like this in the 1980's! It brought back great memories ... therefore I'll give Sandra a B+
Rooney Mara, best actress nominee. A very cutting edge and risky look but she can carry it off. The black hair, severe bangs, red lips and absence of jewelry ... tres chic. However, the cups on the halter look like they're upside down ... and I think the dress would have been slammin' if it were black. I gotta give her an A. She's a beautiful girl and has her own style and I like that. 
Penelope Cruz. She is much too young to be dressed like this. She looks like a very pretty 52 year old woman. She's so sexy ... Penelope ... NO. The ladylike chiffon and diamond choker are a big disappointment. You've got a great pair of knockers and you're YEARS away from your 50's. Sex it up girl. Grade: D-
Natalie Portman. She is so pretty. I wasn't sure if I was going to include her because her look does nothing for me. Don't like the necklace ... it seems too heavy for the dress and the dress doesn't seem Oscar worthy to me. It's kinda simple and looks like it was made of cotton or dotted swiss fabric. Big zero on the wow factor. Grade: D-
Kristin Wiig. This gal is so talented and funny but she lacks va-voom. The dress ... ultra bland. The flesh color just fades right into her skin. The hair, the makeup, the jewels B-O-R-I-N-G. It's all very bland and lackluster. Grade: F-
Michelle Williams. I feel like she's worn this dress before but in a different color??? I'm not feeling the elfin, pixie hair and I don't think a choker style necklace goes with this type of strapless neckline. I would have ditched the necklace and gone with some great earrings. p.s. doesn't the skirt look like a chenille bedspread? Grade: D
The Fabulous Meryl Streep. Mhmmm .... this makes her look thick in the middle. It's almost too gold and heavy looking. Me no likee. Grade: D
Melissa McCarthy. LOVE Melissa, hate the dress. Color - bad; style - bad; bling - bad; frou-frou - BAD. Overall look BAD. Grade: F-
Melissa Leo. Proof that sequins and glitter can spruce up any old schmata. JEEZ LOUISE You're a movie star for crying out loud!!! Get a freaking stylist!!!! Grade: Double F-
Octavia Spencer. PERFECTION. Beautiful gown, beautiful color, beautiful jewels, beautiful hair, beautiful makeup. Overall look: Beautiful!! Grade A+
The great Tony Bennett and his grand ... I mean, wife. That dress looks like she got it at Ross Dress for Less. Sorry ... Grade: F-
Viola Davis. This woman has an awesome body but I do not like the dress or the color. I HATE green. I think if this gown were in black or any other color but green I'd like it better. Grade: C-
Kelly Osbourne. WHAT'S WITH THE LAVENDER HAIR!!!! OK. Her body looks great and I kinda like the dress but I'm not sure. I think if her hair was a normal color it would change the whole look. That hair's gotta go. Grade: C+
Jessica Chastain. I don't know ... I don't think I like it ... but then I do ... I'm thinking beehives, honey .... Grade: D-
Gwyneth Paltrow, the Princess of Hollywood. Rockin' body. Very chic, yet risky. It has a 1930's feel to it. I like it. I'm giving Gwynnie an A+
YOWZA!! Glenn Close hits a home run!!! LOVE LOVE LOVE this look. Elegant, age appropriate, sexy, glamorous. See ladies, you can look glamorous and sexy without flashing tits and wearing rubber. She looks fantastic. Grade: A+
Giuliana Rancic of E! I know this poor girl has had some bad, bad luck lately. She went through breast cancer and has been very public about it. She has also been very public about her inability to conceive. BUT ... SERIOUSLY she needs to gain some weight. She has that doe eyed anorexic look ... Giuliana, please, please, please, .... eat something! Not thrilled about the dress. Don't like those applique wing things on the shoulders, the hair is much too severe ... it's pulled back so tight I'm getting a Migraine just looking at it. Grade: C-
Esperanza Spalding. I don't know who this chick is but girlfriend seriously needed a hot comb. Dress was a beautiful shade of icy blue but was all wrinkly at the bottom. This gal has a beautiful face and should have worn her hair in a chignon with some beautiful chandelier earrings or something. It's THE ACADEMY AWARDS ESPERANZA! Grade: D-
Emma Stone. No. No. NO. Hate that thing on the shoulder and the severe side part. Not loving it. Also, Nicole Kidman wore a dress almost exactly like this several years ago. Didn't like it then, don't like it now. Grade: F-
Cameron Diaz. I thought she looked really pretty. Loved the dress, the color, the diamond necklace, but I really like her hair worn longer. Other than that I give her a B-. 
Brian "Chia-pet" Grazier. Someone really oughta tell him. 
Branga-freaking-lina. These two always look like waxed figures to me. Angie in basic black. You look very pretty Ang but ... that skinny, horrific, nobby-kneed, white leg should ALWAYS be kept undercover. Just sayin'. 
Berenice Bejo, Best Supporting Actress nominee. ALL WRONG. WHAT THE HELL WAS THIS? And THE HAIR? What was up with the wavy pinned back up-do? Her forehead is way to big to wear her hair that way. The dress, the style, cut, color - terrible. It looks like a mint colored table cloth. Grade: F-
Anna Faris. She looks like she was dipped in oil. Grade: F-And p.s. ... what was up with the music?!?!?
Thanks for your 2012 Academy Awards Fashions Coverage, Deb. Overall, fashions were very conservative this year, which I appreciated. To your point about Miss Rooney, she always, always, always wears black. Choosing to wear white was unexpected. It is not easy for a very fair maiden to wear white and not look dead. She looked beautiful. Penelope's choice was very conservative compared to some of her past Oscar looks. Perhaps a softer hairdo would have worked better with that dress. Frankly, she could wear a potato sack and looped braids and still ooze gorgeousness and sizzle. I thought Sandra B looked really pretty and I really liked the dress. Going with black and white is rarely, if ever, a bad decision. The red dress with the big neck bow, and kinda matronly skirt at the bottom was not a favorite of mine. It was too much like Nicole's dress from years ago. I thought Natalie Portman's choice was sweet and different. She wore the dress as opposed to the dress wearing her, which can easily be the case in one who is so petite. I loved her diamond necklace. It sparkled onstage like only diamonds can.. I disagree with you on this one. Viola's green Vera Wang was, in my opinion, the wrong color of green for her complexion. Perhaps the color just didn't read well on tv. The "bees & honey" black & gold strapless dress on the strawberry blonde was spectacular- - ok, maybe she wowed me. The fit was supreme, her complexion was stunning against the black, her long hair was perfectly done for A) the style of the dress B) her age and C) was just the right amount of soft curls that did not look "beachy" like Miss Wiig's hair, for example. Speaking of Miss Wiig. The color of the dress may not have been so dull if her hair was either up with gorgeous chandelier earrings, or a slightly softer shade of brown, or if her makeup leaned more toward the soft pinks as opposed to the nudes & naturals. Everything seemed to be the same color in this look. Michelle Williams looked spot-on in the style she is known for. The coral/tangerine dress was just beautiful. I thought the necklace was perfect, but wish she chose a slightly larger earring, like a visible stud. Now for the Melissa's. Bridesmaid's Melissa looked so happy to be at the Oscars; her eyes just sparkled. The color of her dress was not my favorite. Melissa L made a better choice this year than she did last year. She looked comfortable and poised. Not every arteest (misspelled for emphasis) is overly concerned with being on the best dressed list- they prefer to let their work be the focus. Just look at Meryl Streep. She is beautiful, and beyond talented, but her fashion choices are, in my opinion, off the mark. I hate to say it, but the fit is never quit right on Miss Steep. Things always look like they are just about to fall off one shoulder or the other. The fashions tend to wear her. And that just looks uncomfortable to me. Kelly O's lavender hair didn't bother me more than the hairdo did. The dress fit her body perfectly, but I didn't like the flowey sleeves. A fitted long sleeve would have worked well here. Gwenie looked so chic in that white gown and cape. Cameron Diaz nailed it. The dress was perfectly tailored, the color was subtle but not dull or boring, and the soft hair was refreshing, not too casual or messy. JLo's dress was Hollywoody and sparkly. I didn"t care for the hairdo. To me it looked tight as opposed to sleek. So, now for my disclaimer: I am neither a fashion diva nor a fashion expert. I just like what I like. All of these women are very talented, and really good people on the inside, I am sure. My unsolicited opinions are about the clothes only, and not meant to cause hurtsy feelings.. pinky swear.
ReplyDeleteLove,
Sister-Friend
I agree with most of that. And Sister-Friend is right--Meryl never looks quite right. Natalie is always gorgeous, but I think I would have liked the dress more without the polka dots or whatever they were.
ReplyDeleteMelissa Leo... even I wouldn't drop the F-bomb in an acceptance speech. I should be forgiving, but that dress proves she has no class.
Angelina... Who the EFF did she think she was posing like that when she was giving out the award? It's one thing to vamp on the red carpet, but jeez. Three words for her: HAVE A CHEESEBURGER! And I mean with the bun.
What I look for in an outfit that a woman wears is simple, does it add or take away from the natural beauty of the woman. Based on that, Natalie Portman, Gwyneth Paltrow, Glenn Close , Cameron Diaz make the grade. Though I wonder how any of the could sit or worse go to the bathroom? Some of the others fall under "Really, you thought that was a good looking dress?"
ReplyDeleteray
Debbie,
ReplyDeleteI have been so out of it, blogging. But I always love coming here. It's the little things:
"All you need is a wimple, a veil and a rosary and you'd look just like a nun."
"Me no likee."
"Brian "Chia-pet" Grazier."
Love your humor, friend.
Ruben