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Men vs. Women

The difference between men and women (or more specifically, Danny and I) is that for women, passing gas is a very unpleasant experience, usually accompanied by a grimace on one's face. For instance, whenever I find the need to pass gas, I immediately try to find a safe place in order to release the poison without offending anyone. If, per chance, I should happen to be around the husband and get "caught" ... I immediately apologize and turn the appropriate shade of red.


Danny, on the other hand, experiences pleasure whilst passing gas. I have come to this realization because I have noticed that whenever he engages in this activity, within two to three seconds later a large smile will form on his dimpled face. Why just last night ... while we were relaxing in bed he let one rip that was so loud and so long I was afraid the dog had a little heart attack. After yelling "MY GAWD DANNY, AT LEAST GIVE ME SOME KINDA WARNING!!!" ... there it was ... the smile ... which confirmed to me that farting ... to a man ... is the equivalent of a baby orgasm. DISGUSTING.

Comments

  1. DEB U ARE SO CRAZY!...NEVER THOUGHT I WOULD GIVE A LAUGH TO PASSING GAS...U ARE MY FAVORITE BLOGGER!!!!

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  2. There are somethings that embarrass women, many things actually, and then there are many things that embarrass men. I think there is. there must be, wait I remember now. Nothing will embarrass a man! ha ha

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  3. Okay, honestly, when my ex husband came to visit the kids the other day he farted and I said to him "I DO NOT MISS THAT!! YOU ARE DISGUSTING!!" Men take great pleasure in the loudness and smelliness of their bodily functions! PIGS! :)

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  4. I can honestly say that I when I have to pass gas, I too look to do it discretely and apologize to Anita. I know it's just nature, but it can be shocking.

    I remember I was standing in line with a couple of friends in a crowded line waiting to get on a ride and all of a sudden a stench fill my nostrils like a fart from a decaying zombie's butt. Man was I pissed. And what in the world could this person have eaten to emerged so foul?

    Everybody just tried to look like "I didn't do it" which of course makes everyone think you did it. So I just said to my friend, but loud enough for everyone to hear: "I think some ate a dead rat." I figured if he/she got mad at me, they just exposed themselves. Nothing.

    I think maybe some guys laugh or make a joke out of it as a way of deflecting embarrassment.

    Of course some guys may just revel in it, like the guys I knew back in high school who used to ask people to watch while they lit a match near their butt to impress us with the fire works.

    See how you can get me reflecting deeply on things as humorous as flatulence.

    Your bud,
    Ruben

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  5. I've always wondered why most men smile after they pass gas!! To me it's just embarresing

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  6. There was a scene in Sex and the City where Carrie accidentally lets one go while she & Big are enjoying a morning in bed after obviously having a great night in there. When she covers her head in mortification and embarrassment, I SO totally could relate! Farting in public for women is somehow the ultimate in verboten. We don't even do it among our closest of female friends. Men--meh!! They treat it like a sport!

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  7. Mike has never to this day farted in front of me, but once when we first started seeing each other, I accidentally farted in front of him and I thought, "Shit. Now I'm going to have to kill him."

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DANNYLAND ...

Danny has this disgusting habit of brushing his teeth and then rinsing his toothbrush and leaving it ALL WET in the toothbrush thing.  (See photo below.  A roll of toilet paper he sets on the counter like a cup and then sticks his toothbrush in the middle of it) ... what a genius huh?

The point?  Adisgusting, wet toothbrush will collect bacteria and mosquitoes and it's disgusting and filthy.  It drives me crazy.  Does he stop?  NO.  


What you're supposed to do is brush, rinse with HOT water and then DRY THE BRUSH THOROUGHLY ... THEN put it in the toothbrush thing.  IT'S NOT THAT HARD.

And how hard is it to take the yogurt OUT of the plastic bag?


God forbid he break a sweat. 

 Also, he never EVER closes a drawer, a cabinet, or a door ... EVER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Don't you HATE when your husband makes hamburgers ...




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