2023 GOLDEN GLOBES RED CARPET ...

LET'S GET TO IT ...

Laverne Cox - Tres glam!  Love the hair, love the gown, love it all!  Grade:  A

Hilary Swank - In a barf green gown with black bows and streamers.  NO.  Grade:  C

Anna de Armas - Fabulous!  Grade:  A  WINNER WINNER WINNER!  

Angela Basset - Looking fantastic in silver!  Gorgeous!  Grade:  A

Anna Geyster - This gal needed more makeup, more bling, and a spray tan.  Looks like she just walked off the set of Avatar - the Way of Water.  Grade:  C- 

Austin Butler.  Super talented.  He won the Golden Globe for Best Actor and he looks very handsome in his tux.  Grade:  A+

A powder blue frock and gold opera gloves does not make this look a Golden Globe winner.  Quite the contrary.  Grade:  D- 

Bob Odenkirk of Better Call Saul (which was a FANTASTIC SERIES) however, it looks like Saul should have called a tailor.  This suit looks ill-fitting and funky.  Grade:  C-

Claire Danes really needs to get a stylist.  This looks like a prom dress from 1963.  All that's missing is the beehive and a tiara.  Grade:  D-

Daisy Edgar Jones in yet another black frock.  

Grade: B

Don't know who she is but this is a mess.  Is it a dress?  Is it pants?  Is it a plane?  And a blue streak in the hair with blue gloves for pop.  Complete fail.  Grade:  F double minus.  

Jean Smart in Black like everyone else.  However, she looks tres chic.  Grade:  B

.

 

Don't know who she is but she looks pretty perfect.  Grade:  A

Adorable Jenna Ortega.  However, there's kind of too much going on here.  Pleats, fabric, hardware ... Grade:  C-

Jennifer Coolidge IN BLACK.  Nothing special - Grade:  C

Dude looks like he's wearing a zoot suit that got wet in the rain.  Grade:  F-

Jessica Chastain.  Perfection.  Grade:  A

This dude looks like he wandered in off the street.  Grade:  There is no grade for this.  It's horrible.

Julia Garner.  I cannot stand those stiff curlicue ruffles.  Grade:  D

Lily James in WAY too much fabric.  Grade:  B-

Viola Davis.  I think she looks fabulous.  Too bad the hem got so wet.  Grade:  A

Sigourney Weaver IN BLACK.  Hun, this particular gown is ill-fitting and adds weight to your middle.  Also, you could have done something more with your hair and added some bling!  It's the Golden Globes for crying out loud!  Grade:  D-

Seth Rogan in a peach ice cream suit.  The only way to make Seth look worse is if his shoes were white.  And Lauren Miller in vintage (because this gown looks like something Alice Faye would have worn in the 1940s.)  Grade:  F- 

An oil slick with a very large psilocybin at the hip.  Grade:  D- 

Selena Gomez in black with grape-colored floaties and streamers.  She should have just worn the plain black gown.  Grade:  C

Sarah Polley.  Lose the jacket.  And probably the glasses.  Grade:  B, for ANOTHER black dress.

Salma ... at some point you've got to stop wearing the saloon-style frocks that smash your tits.  If I had tits like yours they'd be my pride and joy but in another few years, this look will become tres tacky.  Just sayin'.  Grade:  B- 

 

 

Natasha Lyonne.  Cat Woman in Clod-hoppers.  Grade:  F-

MJ Rodriguez wore a ruffle.  Grade:  D-

Michele Williams in a stiff, ruffly, curlicue.  Makes me itchy just looking at it.  Grade:  F-

Lisa Marie Presley aka Mistress of the Dark.  Grade:  F-

And last, but not least, the woman who shows up for every awards ceremony, ribbon cutting, and supermarket opening ... Heidi Klum - looking like two cents waiting for change.  Grade:  Double F-

That's it ladies and germs.  Until Oscar Time!

SMOOCHES!

BOB ... THE MOST HILARIOUS MAN ON THE INTERNET ...

My friend Bob of "I Should Be Laughing" -- check out his blog -- it's hilarious) posted his always hysterically funny comments to my post on the Best and Worst of the People's Choice Awards 2022 Red Carpet.

READ and ENJOY ...

Shania looked OUT OF SORTS and not just because of the stupid outfit.
Ellen Pompeo in Glitter PJs? Next time just stay home.
Ryan Reynolds. I’d ripped that cardigan off of him, not because I don’t like it but because I want to rip his clothes off.
When Susan Lucci wore a lace dress to the Daytime Emmy’s 20 years ago, Olivia Wilde should have known that look is over.
Sarah Hyland looks like she forgot her pants. And so she just wore the ugly blouse.
Heidi is still trying to bring back the 90s, though to be fair I don’t hate it.
Mariska Hargitay missed it; the chunky shoes don’t help. Plus, why oh why would you try to wear a look that was so iconic YEARS AGO!!!
Emma Slater. I don’t know who she is but someone tricked her into wearing this dress.
Kathy Hilton putting on lip gloss while Hargitay accepted her award was epic Kathy Hilton.
Dorit Kemsley trotted out the new face I see, and wore wit with an old dress and a dinner napkin.
The woman after Dorit is a try hard and fail fast.
The flower dress is a no.
The glitter dress is vintage …. Ugly.
Nikki Glaser. Oh honey, you aren’t going to high tea at the Ramada, dear.
That next girl wants to be Blond Elvira but she looks like a Halloween Hooker.
Laverne Cox should have lost the hip extensions.
Carmen Electra? Clearly this is some second-rate awards show if she’s there.
Lizzo. I don’t know if I like it, but I love that she’s fearless and owns every look.
Sarah Michelle Geller looks like ‘work done’ too, and looks like she just came from a wake.
The pregnant one is the worst thing I’ve seen since I saw Mariah Carey in a body con gown.
And that next girl didn’t like the dress so she wore just the undergarments.
Miss I Think Gold Is A Good Color 1988.
I see Dora the Explorer showed up.
Goth baby doll never works on a girl who looks to be edging up on fifty.
Erika Jayne once again proving her stylist doesn’t like her.

THE 2022 PEOPLE'S CHOICE AWARDS BEST AND WORST!

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WE ARE IN SUCH BIG TROUBLE ...

 

Dear Little Boy:

Get ready.  The dick of life hasn't even penetrated you yet and you're already crying.

If by hobbies you mean playing video games for hours and hours on end, NO.  You no longer have time to enjoy your hobby because it is time to be an ADULT.  To quote a very talented writer I know, 30 is now the new 10.  Never has this been truer.

Are you still living at home?  Where mom cooks for you, does your laundry, and pays your car insurance?  If so, it's time for both of you to be bitch slapped.  Mom,  because she raised a crybaby, and you, because you're a sissy la-la.  

First of all, you're too fucking young to want to die because you work 9 to 5.  When I was your age I worked 9 to 5, came home, did chores, and I had plenty of time for hobbies.  But then hobbies back when I was your age did not consist of sitting in front of a computer in my pajamas playing video games past midnight. 

We did things.  Like reading books, or going to movies, or hitting the club.  Basically going outside on a regular basis, unlike you, you pasty-faced loser.

My advice to you is to either get a spine and BE A MAN, or, pitch a tent in the nearest riverbed or under a freeway bridge and call it a day.  And refrain from getting onto tik-tok to bitch about your life.   

Signed,

Still working 9 to 5 at 65 ... DEAL WITH IT.

JEN AGAIN ...

 Per Vanity Fair ...

Jennifer Lopez says the wedding guest who "sold" the video from their ceremony "took advantage of our private moment."  And she is dead set on finding out which one of her wedding guests violated their NDA in order to turn a profit off private footage of her big day.

Jen ... you don't have PRIVATE moments.  The ONLY private moments you do not share with the rest of the world is when you're taking a dump or having sex (and I know you'd LOVE to film yourself and Ben or [insert name here] having sex with you) because you're that vain and think every woman wants to be you and every man wants to be with you.  

Here's a pic for you.

Just a typical J-lo performance with her backup bridesmaids and Ben, sitting in a chair.  

More shit I need to gripe about.  Here are her "private moments" in PEOPLE MAGAZINE.

I can't wait to see where these two are in seven years.